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Sunday, April 4, 2010

But Sometimes There's Just a Big Roaring in My Ears...

A re-worked re-post from this beer-drinking moron. Enjoy!

As one can imagine about someone who writes every day, I like to spend a certain amount of my life with no actual connection to reality.

I find it just works better with my line of thinking.

My favorite fantasies include a mixture of what could conceivably happen with what could never.

In other words, in my head, it is possible for me to rescue Elvis Presley from drowning while waterskiing.

I find that my best daydreaming is done in that nebulous time between awake and asleep.

I love that region, by the way. It’s like a tiny little vacation.

My favorite late-night fantasy, the one I’ve been lulling myself to sleep with lately, involves my having become a highly respected clarinet player, swinging, Benny-Goodman style, with a 40-piece band behind me. Gene Krupa is our steady drummer and a helluva guy if you can keep him off the sauce. Billie Holiday sometimes joins us for a song or two, rising from the table she keeps up front when she knows we’re in town. She plays a hot game of craps and most of the band owes her money.

We play all the hottest spots. Our crowds are hep cats who show up late and host outrageous after-bar parties. My best friends are L’il Jack, Midge, and Paulie, people who wear vintage clothing and pull short, unfiltered cigarettes from mother-of-pearl cases. Paulie and Midge have been together since forever, but Li’l Jack plays the field.

He’s such a hoot.

I am known as a generous soul, and I am forever being approached by people who had been mean to me in high school and now want to apologize.

They are always profuse with their regrets: “Pearl, we had no idea! Please forgive us for not having recognized your coolness sooner!”

If my difficult childhood has taught me anything, it’s how to be humble in the face of their groveling; and I have the bartender send their table a round of drinks, on my tab, just to show them that there are no hard feelings.

This sometimes leads to misunderstandings, though, and my now-fans try to get closer than I am comfortable with. ‘Hey, Pearl, I love your shoes. So where’s the band going after?’

When I have to make it clear to them, no offense intended, that they just don’t fit into the crowd I hang with now, they are always a little saddened. There are the inevitable tears as the truth of my words sink in; and I am forced to reflect, once again, on the responsibility that my genius carries.

As I say, I like to spend a certain amount of time in my head, away from the madding crowds; but it's not all fun and games in there.


Zaedah said...

I recognize your coolness and bow low and humble to the sheer gorgeousness of your brain. Now... could you help me back up?

Anonymous said...

My favorite late night fantasy is that I can live long enough to wake each day without an alarm clock, and after I have slept as much as I need.


powdergirl said...

Can I have your autograph?

Jodie Kash said...

Mine are always, always about sex or kissing. Sometimes both.

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

Ooh, if I master the saxophone (also in my dreams) can I join your band? I won't upstage you or anything.

Simply Suthern said...

The time between awake and asleep is my most creative time as well. Maybe not quite as creative or detailed as yours tho. Nice fantasy.
Resuing Elvis tho is a bit far fetched. Everyone knows The Big E walked on water.
Hope you and yours have a wonderful Easter.

Mr London Street said...

I always love your posts and I'm impressed by anyone who puts up a post on what ironically, given the Resurrection, must be the Deadest Day Of The Year.

I suppose the only fantasy more potent than the one you've outlined is the one where everyone who was mean to you at school is unable to beg for forgiveness because they couldn't possibly recognise you given the vision of beauty and success you've become.

Irish Gumbo said...

It wouldn't be worth it if it was only fun and games. That's why I spend a lot of time in my head, anyway.

BTW? Mentioning Gene Krupa raised your cool factor by, say, 10!

tashabud said...

Pearl, I'll join you there with Benny Goodman. I've always fantasized being a singer in a band and a best-selling romance novelist, which entails a lot of fantasizing about kissing and a lot of romance. LOL.

Really enjoyed your post.


Teena in Toronto said...

I only comment on blogs which ooze coolness :)

Pat said...

I liked best the high school reunion fantasy...I was socially awkward in hs and so my fantasy is being cool and sophisticated, glittering in my witty conversation at the reunion....but only in my daydream.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

I only dream a celebrities that I want to star in my Hello Kitty movie. The meetings we take for casting usually involved head betting, car racing and gun play. He may be the biggest movie star on the planet but Tom Cruise cries like a bitch in the back seat. At least Johnny Depp has some balls and fires back while stearing the car.

Laoch of Chicago said...

This is very likable. May you always have good reeds.

Tempo said...

Thats just where most of my best blogs come from to Pearl, I have them almost written by the time I nod off...then wake to never quite remember how they went. (which is why I dont get to post many) However, I much prefer your fantasies to mine

Jeanne said...

My first husband used to call that "La-La Land," and it was his favorite time, too.

Otherwise, you bear no resemblance to him.

Except for that little OCD thing, of course.

Kevin Musgrove said...

I've come in late for this. Can we still wear the zoot suits and have pencil moustaches?