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Wednesday, April 14, 2010

And Then I’m Having Lunch With the Pope

I spent the majority of Tuesday, not at work, but on my living room couch, cradling my head with a skull-splitting headache.

Some of this pain was due to some sort of flu-type situation.

Some of the pain, I suspect, was as a result of the stuff oozing out of my television set.

Let me begin by saying that I realize that I am the one at fault here. After all, I turned it on, yes? Heaven forbid I just lay here and be ill!

Afternoon television is rife with damaged people suing each other, desperate women looking for favorable paternity-test outcomes, people shrugging their shoulders and repeating things like “it is what it is”.

It is what it is. Why I oughta…

Judging from the afternoon television line-up, it both is what it is and is what it ain’t. There’s a lot of self-deluded people out there, people wearing clothing several sizes too small crowing, “I look gooooood”, people sure that they’re big break is just around the corner…

And speaking of people who believe their big break is just around the corner, I get on an airplane tomorrow morning for the first time in, oh, ten years or so, whereupon I will be on my way to Dayton, Ohio and the Erma Bombeck Writer’s Conference. I’ve made a list of what to pack; I’ve written my name and address in indelible ink on my forearm, in case of disaster; and I have made my peace with the kittehs.

I am ready to fly.

And I look goooooood.

22 comments:

Pat said...

You will come back cleverer than ever with sparkling jewels of commentary. But aren't you still sick?

cfoxes said...

You are coming to my neck of the woods! I am only 30 miles from Dayton! Have a great trip! I loved Erma Bombeck!

Krëg said...

Dayton Ohio? Don't take anything interesting or entertaining with you ... it will be confiscated when you get off the plane.

Pearl said...

Pat, after sleeping roughly 30 out of the last 48 hours (yes, seriously!) I feel pretty darn good. Seems everyone here in Mpls is reporting headaches -- pollen? too much sunlight? secret drinking from secret flasks? Could be anything. But no, I feel great today!

cfoxes, 30 miles?! Shoot. There will be a bunch of goofy people staying at the Marriott beginning Thursday afternoon if you want to stop in for a beer! I look just like my picture only now I have bangs -- find me and I'll buy you a beer! (Yes, really!)

Pearl said...

Kreg, I shall endeavor to look and behave as bland as possible. :-)

Deborah said...

Ooooh! Have a great time! I'm sending white light that you will get a deal, book, or otherwise.

So exciting I have to say!

Sweet Cheeks said...

Ohio...best known for their spot in the 50 states song...just between North Dakota and Oklahoma...

At the workshop, watch out for comedy thieves...they lurk in the corners of the room and tape your brilliant banter with hand held recorders.
=]

Jimmy Bastard said...

Hangover... I can spot one a mile away. The secret is never to stop drinking hen, just top up your levels every few hours or so.

Have a grand trip!

Simply Suthern said...

I loved Erma's column. I read it for years. Hopefully your baggage(clothes/tolietries not personal) will arrive with you and you will have a great time. Nothing good comes from Dayton. Well actually the only thing I know comes from there is my bro-in-law. Travel safe. We look forward to the fruits of your travel.

Pearl said...

Thank you, Deborah!

Jimmy, I can neither confirm nor deny... :-)

Simply Suthern, I grew up reading Erma's columns and books. Good natured humor. I think we all need a bit of that, don't you? I shall travel safely!

Pearl said...

Sweet Cheeks, how did I miss you?!
The comedy thieves? They're the reason I speak only in code in public.

May I mambo to the banana boat?
Left on Broadway!

Bring 'em on, I say!

Sage said...

Dayton, Ohio and Erma Bombeck... did I miss a punch line? Have fun!

Fragrant Liar said...

WHAT? You lucky dawg! I would LOVE to go to the IB conference. I'd look good at that conference!

Have big fun, make new friends and contacts, and learn lots of stuff. Blog fodder at an IB event is a given. ;-)

The Retired One said...

Have a wonderful time, Pearl....our thoughts will be with you!!!

reasonably chubby said...

Have fun! I love your writing and wish you the very best! Go be funny...:)

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

Good luck on your trip. I confess that I watch some afternoon TV and I love the trainwrecks more than I should. That Dr. Phil Family - you and I on our best day couldn't MAKE UP the screw up that is that family. I hate them all and want to do one of those down the line slaps that the Three Stooges used to do. Then go back the other way. You and I will never achieve that level of celebrity 'fame' because we actually deserve recognition for what we do. And the important people know that so it's good enough for me.

Gadjo Dilo said...

Good luck, gal! I've stopped watching all television these days except MGM Classic Movies, so I'm cocooned in an unreality where men are men and women are classy and smoking is still cool - I can recommend it.

SweetPeaSurry said...

Oy ... I hope you're feeling better! Enjoy and good luck at your writers conference.

blessings!

Jeanne said...

The paper said CBS News is coming to cover the conference--maybe it is your big break!

Willoughby said...

Sounds like you had a migraine. They're the worst!

I agree with you, afternoon television is pretty bad. I'm not sure it can compare to the 3:00 am to 6:00 am programming, though. Nothing but infomercials to make you feel that you can't live without whatever fitness/self improvement/housekeeping product they're selling. Good thing I rarely suffer from insomia!

Have a great time at the conference!

injaynesworld said...

Have a wonderful time. I'm so stinkin' jealous and want to hear all about it.

Marla said...

Sorry you were not feeling well. As for daytime television, that would make anyone sick.