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Thursday, April 22, 2010

And Right Behind The Bird – Is That Marlon Perkins?

I live in the city. The houses are close together, the lawns are small. Things are rather orderly on my side of town: thugs and wannabe thugs alike are identifiable by their droopy drawers; bums sleeping under pine trees are required to clean up when they leave; dogs are on leashes, for the most part; cats creep along life’s wooded edges, eyeing juicy birds and untended grills; and children run free until curfew.

City wildlife.

Winters in the city are much quieter than the summers, of course. The bums go to Florida, the thugs lie on couches in their moms’ basements, dreaming Kool-Aid-and-cough-syrup dreams; and the downstairs folk took in a freezing cat this last January, a black-and-white they nursed back to health who now lies in the sun that pours through their living room window, eyes closed and smiling.

But outside of the luckiest kitty in the world and the wily city bunnies, the odd raccoon, and the occasional park-bench drunk, there is little in the way of city wildlife.

Until now. Because now there are turkeys.

Monday evening, I watched a turkey hen run past my house and down the street, a large and rather ugly bird, strikingly out of place.

This was actually quite exciting. Not as exciting as the raccoon I surprised whilst he was rooting through my garbage a couple years ago, but then again it wasn’t 2:00 a.m., I wasn’t pleasantly inebriated and walking down the alley, and the turkey didn’t rear up on its hind legs and show me all his teeth.

Wild life in the city! My sister – who claims to see enormous “dinosaur” birds in the open fields around her house, by the way – wanted to know if I had plans to trap and eat it. I do not. I have no idea where that bird’s been, what it’s been eating, or who it’s friends with.

You cannot be too careful.

It is the city, after all.

19 comments:

blueviolet said...

I'll tell ya....you're not safe anywhere anymore! ;)

Simply Suthern said...

You sure you wernt just drinking Wild Turkey? We have the coons and squirrels. Bunnies in the garden and Deer embedded in our car grills. The highway is a regular Wild Kingdom of roadkill. Here lately I saw 2 beaver crossing the road and I swear the turkey i saw looked like he was thumbing. His sign said Minnesota or bust. Why did the Beaver cross the road?? Beats me.

sage said...

I live in a small "city," but deer and turkey are often in my backyard... I can't image such a bird in the big city.

Courtney said...

I'm not having problems with turkeys, but I did exit my buildinng to find a dozen mallards blocking my path to the car last week. We exchanged some noises, but bloodshed was avoided. Too bad, I bet they were delicious.

Krëg said...

My one piece of advice regarding turkeys: Don't. Fuck. With. It.

I once lived in a less urban area that had wild turkeys roaming about. The talons on those birds are sharp as hell, and they would frequently injure large dogs and occasionally END small dogs. When they are in a "flock" of 5 or more, they are quite a menace. Even without wearing gangsta pants.

Wynn said...

Those things are terrifying! Keep your doors locked!

mapstew said...

Hedgehogs, and the odd fox (they have to be odd to come around here!) but no turkeys! :¬)

xxx

Joshua said...

You have to be careful. You're not just eating that turkey, but every turkey they've been with, too.

Those damn turkeys.

SparkleFarkle said...

You're right--> Never trust a turkey, especially the human kind.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

Everyone has a plan until they are chased by a turkey. Why do you think we drop them out of helicopters? We know they can't fly. I have been on the farm where they are slaughtered...heads cut off and still running about. THAT is a nighmare. Worse than when a bird of bat gets trapped in your house.

furiousBall said...

i make one of the finest Kool-Aid-and-cough-syrup-aritas you've ever had

mrwriteon said...

There are turkeys in my city, too. But not of the feathered sort. Lame, I know, but it's Thursday and I'm tired.

Jimmy Bastard said...

Ahhhh those plucking turkeys and their crazy ways!

IndigoWrath said...

Well dammit, now you've made me all hungry.

Tempo said...

Over here we have foxes, rats, ferrel cats and in the wee hours of the morning you sometimes see Kangaroos browsing peoples lawns or eating their prize roses. Rarely an Emu will find it's way into town...not a good thing since they tend to spook easy and rush about madly crashing into things.
Good luck with your Turkey trap Pearl...

HumorSmith said...

I too have seen many wild turkeys. I polished a bottle off just last night, in fact. And as to your comment at my place, well, funny I may be, (thank you), but you...why you...you have 471(!) followers. I am humbled and glad to count you as a fan. Now, about your 400+ friends....:-)

Hilary said...

I'm reading about a lot of folks' encounters with wild turkeys in the city these days. How odd that would be. My raccoon buddies are plenty company for me, thank you!

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

First the turkeys, then the knuckleheads start coming around. Batten down the hatches!

Marla said...

And here I was worried about one rotten country rooster.