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Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Please Do Shut Up! or CAUTION! Pearl is Feeling Feisty.

One of the more annoying trends in commercial advertising – aside from the men-are stupid, children-are-wise/adorably-sassy, everyone-on-TV-is-attractive continuum – is the repetition of inane phrases.

You know what I mean.

Shot of grinning teenager astride a bike: “Since the removal of my sphincter…”

Quick shot of bleached-toothed senior citizens sitting, inexplicably, in bathtubs on a beach: “Since the removal of my sphincter …”

Cut to a shot of a remarkably attractive woman playing pool: “Since the removal of my sphincter, I’ve really discovered who my friends...”

Shot of the grinning teenager pedaling down the street: “… who my friends…”

Back to the codgers in the tub: “…who my friends are.”

Quick successive shots of woman, outdoor-bathing folks, and teenager on bike: “And if you think losing your sphincter couldn’t happen to you…”

“… to you…”

“…to you…”

Geezers climbing out of tub, strategically placed towels keeping the scene both G-rated and “real”: “… then you need to pull your head out.”



This commercial message brought to you by the Council on Round Muscle Awareness.

22 comments:

Secretia said...

I am sick or all the adds for pharmaceutical products, like Cialis and stuff.

Pearl said...

Secretia, new ways to push drugs...

The Jules said...

Sphincters are just a relic of our tree dwelling past and therefore not completely necessary in modern, civilised life.

Like the appendix and armpit toes.

You've got armpit toes, right?

Mandy's Kidding said...

Cymbalta can help.

Pearl said...

Jules, without armpit toes, how would we scratch our armpits?

Mandy, :-D

Pat said...

Yeah, that bathtub duo scene is bizarre. I guess that's what C****s does for you--makes you hallucinate and your wife goes along with it.

powdergirl said...

My niece quit a career in advertising for exactly these reasons.

Said she felt like a 'pusher'.

Marla said...

My favorite are the attorneys commercials who say, "If you have taken XYZ and experienced paralysis, loss of memory OR DEATH, contact our lawfirm....blah, blah, blah." If I'm dead, how am I going to contact you?

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

I mentioned that it was funny to see Viagara as the main sponsor for the NCAA men's tournament. My husband said I was petty.

Douglas said...

What do those tubs represent anyway?

Sweet Cheeks said...

I laugh every time I see an attorney's add on tv offering to help you settle your bill with the IRS....You know those poor suckers must get audited every year.
No one wins against the IRS...and lives to tell about it anyways.

I'd like an honest commercial for once...
"Yep...these potato chips are greasy and will go right to your hips...but God they taste good with a turkey sandwich!"

Wouldn't REAL commercials be funny?
=]

Kr√ęg said...

Ah, the demographic montage. Who wants to risk appealing to only one group, when you can take the buckshot approach?

Simply Suthern said...

There is a new commercial on the radio for post menopausal loss of sex drive. I am sure this is a real concern and problem for some women. Isn't anything considered sacred knowledge anymore. They crossed the line with ED ads and now this. I dont feel I should be explaining why you need to call a doctor after 4 hours of a situation or why this woman is wanting a pill to make her want to jump her man to my 7 yr old sitting in the back seat of the car.

Willoughby said...

I still don't understand the tubs. Am I missing something? What if you take Cialis and you don't have an antique clawfoot bathtub handy? Will it still work???

Kevin Musgrove said...

On this side of the pond the commercials are four times as loud as the programmes that interrupt them so everyone in the street can hear your television shout; "pucker up for a loved one!"

Nuke Girl said...

I swear to God they have monkeys writing these commercials. Imagine how much those monkeys get paid for producing such utter crap, too... and if monkeys can earn a decent living writing crap commercials, imagine what a windfall an intelligent human could rake in?

Zaedah said...

Damn, I wish I had sphincter issues so I could play a minor role in an embarrassing TV shot where overlapping voices essentially make me pointless...

Jeanne said...

Just ask Fidel Castro -- it happened to him!

(P.S. This is one of your funniest posts ever -- it feels like I've seen this commercial!)

LucyCooper said...

I personally hate car dealership commercials.


"K-K-K-K-I-ING of the imports!" Pew, pew fireworks, followed by tire squealing noises. Jesus. It angers me.

Kavi said...

Ah ! Ads ! Ads ! What a way to live ! Sigh. The marketing man cometh ! Give way Pearl !

Maybe i should be saying...Pearl is arriving. Give way you marketing types !

Tgoette said...

EEEK! I never knew that my sphincter was in such terrible danger! I gotta go Google armored underwear just to be safe. Great post!

Chandrika Shubham said...

Ads are such.... marketing strategy.