I've contributed to perhaps the best humor compilation I've ever read. Available now on Amazon!

My second chapbook, "The Second Book of Pearl: The Cats" is now available as either a paper chapbook or as a downloadable item. See below for the Pay Pal link or click on its cover just to the right of the newest blog post to download to your Kindle, iPad, or Nook. Just $3.99 for inspired tales of gin, gambling addiction and inter-feline betrayal.

My first chapbook, I Was Raised to be A Lert is in its third printing and is available both via the PayPal link below and on smashwords! Order one? Download one? It's all for you, baby!

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Maybe He Was Signaling for Someone to Steal Second…

A number of years ago, I had a boss: a lovely man, an intelligent person, highly educated, warm and amusing and something of a mentor, really.

He had only one flaw.

We could be discussing a calendar issue, looking over an expense report, when suddenly – out of the blue! – he would, it seems, develop an itch.

You know the itch.

How do I put this delicately?

He adjusted it.

At work.

A lot.

You know the “it” to which I refer? The non-corporate “it”, the “hey-that-has-no-business-here” it?

I never knew where to look when he did that. Not that he seemed to notice. A little rummaging around in his pocket, a little scritch-scritch-scritch, and where were we? Ah, yes! The Q3 billables.

I’m sorry. What did you just say? I seem to have lost focus for a moment.

But what was I embarrassed about? I mean, for this, I dressed for work? For cryin’ out loud, people! This isn’t the warehouse! You can’t just dig around down there shamelessly and expect me to maintain eye contact!

The funny thing is that he truly was a lovely man. I have no idea if he ever realized what he was doing. He didn’t seem to.

I wonder how Ol’ Pocket Pool is doing these days?

26 comments:

Menopausal New Mom said...

OMG Pearl! I'm laughing out loud, how did you manage to carry on a conversation with this guy? I guess it must help being that he signs your pay check and all but seriously.

Years ago I worked for a boss that used to get nose bleeds once in a while. It used to shock me to walk into his office and have him look up at me from his desk with rolled kleenex sticking out of his nose.

I was able to carry on the conversation and then laugh once I left his office but I have a feeling your boss would have fired me, I don't think I could have held back my laughter!

Hope you're having a great weekend!

Douglas said...

You might, if you get a chance, review some old episodes of Sons of Anarchy, specifically regarding a certain "perverse parolee" (season 1, episode 5). He may be your old boss. They seem to have that, uh, "habit" in common.

And why is that women never seem to have to adjust bra straps in public?

The mad woman behind the blog said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The mad woman behind the blog said...

Sorry, way too early. Ol' pocket pool moved over this way where he could wear baggy cotton shorts and do the scritch scratch for my viewing pleasure. Each day my boss comes to my office for a morning chat and adjustment. He throws in a butt scratch for good measure. Truly lovely.

IB said...

What's the big deal? I mean, c'mon, it's hot and sweaty and itchy down there. A guy needs to feel comfortable if he's going to focus on Q3 billables, etc.

It could have been worse, he could have opted to go commado as a way of dealing with it.

powdergirl said...

Yeah, soooo...

Okay.

On a job, discussing plans with a site-super, same thing.

Only he had his hands IN his pants.

Then he takes his hand OUT of his pants and starts pointing at intersects n'stuff on MY copy of the plan.

I left with his brand new still rolled up copy and when he mentioned it, I just shrugged, waddaya gonna say?

Needless to say, I didn't catch much of our conversation, I just went off and figured out the plan all by myself from the relative safety of my own truck.

Nuke Girl said...

Omg, so many of the guys at work do this ALL THE TIME.

To prove a point, I finally started doing it myself around a couple of the more, er... indelicate ones, and they (being dudes) stared and asked me outright, "What the f*** are you doing??" I would reply, "Well if I had a [it], I'd be rearranging it. YOU do it all the time, what's the big deal?"

They mysteriously cut back on scratching their itches in front of me after that. Go figure. ;P

Kevin Musgrove said...

A lad gets to an age where it's reassuring to know it's still there after all.

Simply Suthern said...

Sounds like he didnt pack it well before leaving home. Suggest some double sided tape to keep everything well stowed.

OG said...

I personally have never been a scratcher. I did go on a job interview once where the dude was all in and around that area. I couldn't tell if it was a test to see if I'd mention something to him or a test to see if i could ignore it, or it he just had crabs. Either way I kept my mouth shut, and luckily did not get the job.

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

Pearl, girl, I read your post and found myself smiling in appreciation but with nothing to add so I went back to my dashboard. That's when I noticed your title: Maybe He Was Signaling for Someone to Steal Second…

That is so freakin' funny! Come to think of it, at a baseball game you are likely to see scratching behavior everywhere EXCEPT from the third-base coach while he's giving the signals!

Daniel Dragomirescu said...

Your ideas are interesting. With all means, go ahead, dear Pearl!
Daniel D. Peaceman, writer and editor

Charlotte Ann said...

I read the post...I read all the comments....
I was hoping someone (a male maybe) could tell me WHY? Is it fungal? Does it really itch? Doing it because it feels good? Do they think we don't notice? When one by one male in front of another male, do they make a comment about it...(you know guys can be crass). I'm still wondering.

The Retired One said...

You are hilarious!
I had a boss once who would constantly jiggle the change in his pocket. He'd be up there,giving an eloquent speech...and jingle, jingle jingle...
I finally had to TELL him....
he thanked me profusely.
Now he left and I retired and he moved back and we are bestest of friends. He told me the other day:
"You were the only one who I could always count on to tell me like it was" "that's why I loved working with you!"
Now I wonder..would I have called him on playing with his junk had I witnessed it?
And secondly, would they have jingled?

Joanna Jenkins said...

Oh Pearl, I just snorted soda pop up my nose. You have a such a way with words.

I had a boss that would, out of the blue, start picking his teeth, with a bent paperclip. Ugh. Watching him and trying to stay focused while I had that nasty image in front of me was like nails on a chalk board. And he wasn't embarrassed either.

It must be a guy thing.

Happy weekend,
jj

Ms Sparrow said...

C'mon, whatever the reason for the scratching, it falls under the classification of instant gratification.

(I'm gonna make this comment short because when I write longer ones, they disappear when I try to post them.)

pilgrimchick said...

This makes me realize that some people are completely oblivious--and that most of those people are married to other people who notice these little things, and yet, say nothing about them.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

Now what I wonder is could you tell his decision or his approval/disapproval based upon which ball he put into which pocket? Sounds like you could gain quick a bit of intel with that kind of knowledge. Could one provoke a certain pocket choice? Did a full juggle of all balls mean more or less than a gentle funbling?" Read the single girl...oh and the one commenter above who suggested the double sided take has GOT to be banned...BANNED I get you. She does realize at some point later in the day that tape has to be removed??? She clearly hates men.

Secretia said...

All men seem to do this, even at the most inappropriate times. They need anti-ball scratching underwear or something.

Secretia

Simply Suthern said...

I've already been called a man hater and at the risk of being banned. Heres the thing. I'm pretty sure it's just fidgiting or in the past they lost their favorite toy and got screamed at by dad and now they making sure they never lose their new favorite toy. Also in most cases it aint Fungal and not even fun. On occasion things do shift and ya just gotta rearrange but that can be done at the urinal and as they say, Shake it more than once and ya just playin with it. So my opinion is they are just fidgiting and are clueless. Post a series of pics in the breakroom. He will get the idea.

Now for you ladies ya,ll aint immune to this behavior. Well not crotch scratching but top adjusting. This is at work and out not in ANY kind of club. I've seen the grab bot straps and pull the girls up adjustment. The hand over the top inside out scoop adjustment. Grab the underwire and dig it out of the ribcage adjustment. And always my fave the bend over grab the top of the cups and jiggle the girls back into place adjustment. Oh wait, we were discussing things that were annoying. Forget I went there. Sorry for the long comment. WOW I hate guys?? Never been accused of that before.

Janis said...

I had a boss who used to do a variation of that. He'd just hike up his pants with his pockets till the seam would do the scratching. Far less subtle.

Marla said...

Holy Moly, guys are weird. I have yet to see a female exhibit this behavior.

Lynda said...

When I lived in Istanbul (yep, I am that girl) a friend and I had a code word - it would seem that the Turkish men needed to 'adjust' just as they were coming toward us. We would always just shout out 'Scrambled Eggs!'

Pat said...

Ohhh...My face is red, Simply Suthern...you described me...The hand over the top inside out scoop adjustment. Only on my right side because that shoulder slopes downward more than my left. I can't stand the feeling of the strap falling off my rt shoulder. I'll try to learn to live with it.

Shieldmaiden96 said...

God, did you work with me?
Mine would try to do that little drive by adjustment with the side of his hand. He'd do that two or three times, then give up and go right for the cash and prizes while he was talking a mile a minute. He was a sweetie though so we just kind of looked the other way.

Willoughby said...

That's funny! I don't know how you managed to keep a straight face while he was....um....taking care of business.