I've contributed to perhaps the best humor compilation I've ever read. Available now on Amazon!

My second chapbook, "The Second Book of Pearl: The Cats" is now available as either a paper chapbook or as a downloadable item. See below for the Pay Pal link or click on its cover just to the right of the newest blog post to download to your Kindle, iPad, or Nook. Just $3.99 for inspired tales of gin, gambling addiction and inter-feline betrayal.

My first chapbook, I Was Raised to be A Lert is in its third printing and is available both via the PayPal link below and on smashwords! Order one? Download one? It's all for you, baby!

Friday, March 26, 2010

I See A Bad Moon on the Rise

Holy Hannah, another Friday! What have I done to deserve all these Fridays?! It’s like I keep winning the lottery over here and I haven’t even bought a ticket!

So let’s see. Friday? Check. iPod? Check. Ridiculous belief that I can predict the course of my weekend through the songs I hear on the bus on a Friday morning? Check.

Washed Away by Arrested Development
Hypnotize by The White Stripes
Strange Times by The Black Keys
Rock Lobster by The B52s
The Green Manalishi (Live) by Judas Priest
Hallelujah by John Cale
Somebody Told Me by The Killers

I can’t begin to guess what it all means, but if you’ve a mind to, I recommend the John Cale song. Makes me want to weep.

And it’s Friday!

In a bid to test our weather mettle one more time – or perhaps in just a perverse display of “because I can!” – the temperature at the bus stop dropped to a meat-preserving 24 degrees yesterday morning.

And frankly, I was against it.

It was a shock. While 24 degrees in February is almost cause for an open window or two, 24 degrees at the end of March is grounds for hot baths, discussions pitting wool against “thinsulate” and introspection regarding attempting a life lived entirely indoors.

My response, if it can be called that, was to add a cap, gloves, and scarf to my jaunty spring jacket and shiver miserably.

“Local Woman, Smug in her Ability to Dress Properly for Winter, Fails to Carry Common Sense Through to Spring”.

It’s not much of a headline, but then again, there’s not a lot going on.

March is a fairly quiet month. The thugs are just rising from their hibernation, their tobacco-stained fingers rubbing their squinty little eyes, yawning their cough-syrup-and-Tahitian-Treat yawns toward the far walls.

Shhh. Shhh, my pretties. There will plenty of time for you to spray paint your creatively-spelled “tags” on my garage.

Can summer be far behind? And speaking of behinds, what are the odds that I will actually make it to a beach this summer?

In the meantime, of course, there is litter to pick up and a sidewalk to be swept, neighbors to be reacquainted with after a season of run-away indoor-ness and charcoal briquettes to be purchased.

“Local Woman Waxes Rhapsodic About Spring, Excitedly Contemplates Trying on Swimsuit.”

Let’s not go crazy just yet.


Elliott said...

I read this, remembering fully the sensation of temperature driven by date, and yet in five weeks, I'm subjecting myself and family, once again, to the joys of Great Lakes living and lake-effect snow.

And I'm actually excited about it.

Pat said...

I hear that the cold in Minnesots keeps cold viruses at bay. True or urban legend?

Tail-Kinker said...

I love the eclectic music that shows up on your iPod on Fridays!

We share many songs--Go Black Keys!

Mandy's Kidding said...

Don't say "swimsuit" to me.

SparkleFarkle said...

"The thugs are just rising from their hibernation, their tobacco-stained fingers rubbing their squinty little eyes, yawning their cough-syrup-and-Tahitian-Treat yawns toward the far walls."

Ahhh... Yours is such sweet music.

Don't ever go sane, Pearl. I don't know what we'd do without you! LOL

Kr√ęg said...

Spring is bursting forth with as much grace and subtlety as a fat, hairy Italian guy in a speedo. But at least it is beautiful.

Iron & Wine's song Trapeze Swinger almost makes me feel feelings, weepy or otherwise.

Pearl said...

Elliott, in five weeks, we won't hardly know the place! The Upper Midwest has some beautiful greens in its bouquet (not to mention the staggering white of so many of its winter-weary inhabitants! I used to so wish I was any race other than white just so I wouldn't be so VERY white at the end of winter!)

Pat, we are a hardy group, we Minnesotans, but I think it's primarily through stubborn refusal to admit to sickness!

Tail-Kinker, music is my drug of choice. :-)

Mandy, sorry about that! :-) To tell the truth, it made me a bit queasy, too. p.s. Congratulations!!

SparkleFarkle, you and I have a lot in common, I suspect. :-)

Kreg, Iron and Wine is a GREAT band and I'm going to go listen to it right now!

The Good Cook said...

Ug.. winter has once again reared its ugly head in the Northeast too. 26 degrees tonight - and me just having turned down the hot tub.

Simply Suthern said...

I mowed my yard. Got some sun. Found a snake. So far Spring is looking up. If I could get them dang cats to stop mating outside the window it would be perfect.

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

Halelujah is a fabulous song, and Cale's version is great. I also LOVE k.d. lang's version, which I linked to and posted about last month (2/13/10). This snowless month of March is either a wonderful gift or a setup in which the gods are going to slam us with the coldest, snowiest April EVER. (That, of course is typical Minnesota weather fatalism, about which I'm sure you have posted before.)

lisleman said...

thanks for John Cale recommendation
"cough-syrup-and-Tahitian-Treat" interesting combo but I'm not sure what a Tahitian Treat is.

Dumdad said...

Hi Pearl,

Thanks for visiting my blog all the way across the big pond. I'm having fun checking out yours.

Marla said...

Hallelujah by John Cale is by far one of my all time favorites. I love the song and I adore his voice. I am sitting here listening to it right now, trying not to weep, thinking of you Miss Pearl. Thanks for a great start to my weekend!

Not The Rockefellers said...

Cale, Priest, White Stripes and Iron & Wine? What have I done to deserve all this great music

Play on, play it :)

Peace ~ Rene

Anonymous said...

I am trying to get in shape for summer. It'll be harder than ever before...

Madame DeFarge said...

Great music choice. Hope the weather improves, if only to allow you to embrace your inner dress sense.

Fragrant Liar said...

Ha! You said EXCITEDLY contemplates trying on swimsuits. Should that be MANIACALLY? Or is that just me? Cuz contemplating swimsuits just makes me crazy. My butt will not be prepared for beaching.

Fragrant Liar said...

How serendipitous (or Freudian?) that it sounded like I made reference to a whale...

Douglas said...

This winter has been vile and evil here in paradise (yes, lower case). The almost unheard of low temps have murdered many palms and quite a few otherwise beautiful plants. It is sad. But we will recover, the warm wetness of Spring is here and I have been comfortable in shorts the past few days. Well, as comfortable as my busted knee will allow.

sherri said...

I love the word "jaunty" and it just made me spit-take my wine when I read it in reference to your spring jacket. I came here via Lefler's site. I read a comment of yours and dug your musical taste. I'll be back.

Lynn said...

Your writing is fantastic. Did I tell you this before????

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

"speaking of behinds".....hahahaha!! hmmmmm!!!

My name is PJ. said...

"cough syrup and Tahitian treat yawns..." a stroke of genius, Pearl!

Irish Gumbo said...

The Green Manalishi?

O, Goddess of Spring, I fall at your feet in a swoon, in awe, enraptured by the melodies that spring forth from your Delphic Oracle of Musicality!

Rock on, goddess, rock on :)

CatLadyLarew said...

Ugh! A 24 degree day after several 60 degree days is just cruel. It's like nature is just toying with us.