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Saturday, March 20, 2010

Clean Your Bathroom for Cash? Sure!

As unbelievable as it may seem, I don’t make a whole lot of money.

I know, right?! Surely you envision me, when you envision me, as reclined on a sable-covered chaise lounge, sipping whatever it is the wealthy sip and snapping my fingers in time to the four-piece musical ensemble I keep chained to the radiator in my boudoir.

Alas, it’s not true, this vision of me that you’ve created for yourself – although I appreciate the effort – and I must regularly turn to work outside of my full-time employment to supplement the cheese rinds and apple cores with which they pay me.

This weekend’s foray into financial fulfillment?

Cleaning. The Wily Mary and I will be cleaning. Eighteen straight hours’ worth of cleaning, by our own bid.

Makes me tired just thinking about it.

Picture, if you will, a 5350 square-foot home. Two full kitchens, four bedrooms, three bathrooms, two living rooms, two fireplaces and an attic full of ponies.

I’m just kidding about the ponies.

I’ve done it to myself, and I know it, but raise a glass to Mary and Pearl this weekend, won’t you?

I’ll be thinkin’ of ya.

21 comments:

CatLadyLarew said...

Whoa! That's why I prefer my modest 1180 sq. ft. home. Much easier to clean... if I ever felt like it. Guess your weekend will be pretty short. Enjoy what little of it you have, Pearl!

Zaedah said...

Well, I hadn't previously pictured you draped across a sable-covered chaise lounge, sipping the blood of servants and pelting the four-piece musical ensemble with $100 bills, but now that you've mentioned it...

You actually look fairly uncomfortable, in my mind. Lose the lounge and go with a standard recliner. Better for the back, which will be sore after tending to those ponies!

troutay said...

Dang! I think I will stay poor if I have to give up my weekend cleaning the home of someone else.
But I am lucky! Visiting sister did all the laundry! Which means I have lots of free time this weekend.
I will tip a glass for you Pearl!

Pat said...

Yikes! At least there will be two of you to share the pain. I always find that it's easier somehow to clean someone else's house than my own...more interesting, anyway...not the same ol same ol.

The Jules said...

Two kitchens is just greedy.

Consider setting fire to half their house, and watch their little faces when they see their new, honed, simplified life.

Yodood said...

What kind of world is it that would cause the intelligent to labor so, I ask you? I'm as ignorant as a post about social necessities, so nothing I do all day seems like work; weed the garden, harvest the vegetables and eggs, turn the compost, eat the food, sleep.

ellen abbott said...

I look at those houses and the first thing I wonder is how much their electric bill is.

Madame DeFarge said...

If you can pop over next weekend, you're welcome to do mine. And I only have one kitchen. At least I did the last time that I looked.

Lynn said...

Oh. I Absolutely LOVE your writing!
Keep entertaining me!

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

All I can say is that in a house that size, there should be lots of interesting stuff to keep you amused.

darsden said...

I also envision a bowl full of chocolate covered cherries need that lounge chair too ;-)

Marla said...

You are an AMAZING woman, Pearl. Amazing!

BugginWord said...

I keep Neil Patrick Harris chained to the radiator in my boudoir.

powdergirl said...

Wow, how did you know that I pictured you that way?

You're psychic, too?

Glass is raised!

sage said...

Wow, big house. I will never look at cleaning people again since reading Nickel and Dimed in America... then again, I'll never hire from a cleaning service either, not that I have ever hire anything more than a carpet clearer.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

So, you lied about the ponies. You ALWAYS lie about the ponies. So I sit by the road for hours with my saddle and no one shows up AGAIN.

Flea said...

I feel for you, cleaning up after all those ponies. Especially if they're being kept in an attic. I know what it's like just cleaning a cat box. Wear a gas mask. Better yet, let Mary clean the attic.

Fragrant Liar said...

With 5,350 feet to dust, sweep, mop, etc., 18 hours will be cutting it close.

My advice is to take advantage of the bathroom. Fill up the tub, pour in the bubbles, sip on the champagne (or the cerveza), and enjoy! The bubbles, that is.

Kyddryn said...

I've been cleaning kitchens and bathrooms for a pittance of late because my son the Evil Genius insists he has to eat more than once a week, and he's so picky about actually keeping the power and water ON at Casa de Crazy. Demanding little guy. It's not easy work, and I wish you well at it.

Shade and Sweetwater,
K

SweetPeaSurry said...

I'll raise several glasses to ya, then have some martini and rossi asti spumante waiting for you when you get home. That's just the kinda gal I am!

Here's lookin at you kid!

Irish Gumbo said...

As the lady wishes! *clink*

Good thing you don't have to clean out an attic inhabited by ponies. Yikes.