Here’s one way to get back at someone: Vicodin.
Have you ever taken Vicodin? For those of you who are either pain-free or living somewhere other than These United States, Vicodin is a prescription-needed medication for people suffering from mild to severe pain.
If you like downers – and you like being without pain! – then you’ll love Vicodin.
But like many drugs, it comes with side effects.
You’ve heard the commercials, yes? Side effects may include vomiting, nausea, hot and cold diarrhea, the jimmy legs, rolling stops at four-ways, and the sudden and organic appearance of a third nostril.
But the side effect you rarely hear mentioned is the one that has struck me.
Sounds nice, doesn’t it? Mmm! I’d like the custard, please; and if you could bring me a saucer of the vivid dreams, that would be lovely.
For someone like me, a woman who rarely remembers more than one or two dreams a year, the thought of having one that could be described as “vivid” is absolutely enticing.
Yay! Vivid dreams!
But they’re not “vivid dreams”, are they? No, no, no. “Vivid dreams” is Let’s-Not-Scare-The-Customers talk for “nightmares”.
In the last week, I’ve witnessed, in my Vivid Dreams, a tornado rip through my house, a demon enter my bedroom and lay atop me, and a dune buggy full of ex-boyfriends go flying off the roof of a hotel, their heads exploding in bright – nay, vivid – color on the concrete far below.
I used to enjoy the thought of ex-boyfriends’ heads exploding, but now that I’ve seen it? It’s not nearly as enjoyable as one might think.
I’ll be moving on to another drug soon – and no worries here, people, as this is a monthly problem, nothing more – and am looking forward to experiencing whatever side effects come with the new one.
I’m hoping for sudden joy, fits of laughter until breathless, and inexplicable yet perfectly legal elevations in bank account balances.
I think that’s reasonable, don’t you?
Terms of Endearment
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