What once ensured that I sat at a table next to the teacher is now posted, Monday through Friday.
I've contributed to perhaps the best humor compilation I've ever read. Available now on Amazon!
My second chapbook, "The Second Book of Pearl: The Cats" is now available as either a paper chapbook or as a downloadable item. See below for the Pay Pal link or click on its cover just to the right of the newest blog post to download to your Kindle, iPad, or Nook. Just $3.99 for inspired tales of gin, gambling addiction and inter-feline betrayal.
My first chapbook, I Was Raised to be A Lert is in its third printing and is available both via the PayPal link below and on smashwords! Order one? Download one? It's all for you, baby!
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Shout! Shout! Shout! Shout at the Memo!
Good morning, fellow workers.
As we reach the end of fiscal year 2010, I’d like to share my perspective on our progress through what was a very difficult year for Corporate America, outlining what’s to come and offering a parting and helpful tip.
There’s no point in my telling you that the last fiscal year was hard on everyone. While the possibilities of pay increases were tabled for a third year in a row and hours reduced from 40 to 32 with a corresponding reduction in salary, I was compelled not only to cancel the executive’s big-game-hunt-and-human-trafficking extravaganza that has received such accolades in the past but also forced to give up my personal assistant/masseuse/informant Brigitte.
Brigitte – while unable to type, answer the phone, speak English, or walk and chew gum at the same time – was a great asset to this company and will be sorely missed.
On a lighter note, however, the first assistant to squeeze into Brigitte’s stilettos and express the proper interest and/or is willing to sign the legal waiver has a shot at a bonus this year.
Photo applications are being taken at bigbigCEO@lawsuit.com.
Not everything has been difficult, however. We’ve implemented cost-saving measures that have ensured the retention of both a dozen part-time employees and the return of Debauched Fridays. While hotly contested by members of HR whom we shall surely miss, we must remember in these trying times that bartenders, dancers, and, yes, hookers, have been affected as well.
The deal worked between Finance and Big Pimpin’ Inc has proven beneficial to all involved.
Our plans for this next fiscal year include secretly planning to reorganize you out of a job while demanding your fealty; going through your desk drawers after you’ve left for the night in search of those little packets of salt and pepper we know you are hoarding; and our continued efforts to find ways for the executives to be reimbursed for gas, mileage, and lunch whether it is billable to a client or not.
In conclusion, stay the course, keep fighting the good fight, don’t forget that you can take a right on red, and keep your stick on the ice.