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Tuesday, February 2, 2010

I’m Probably Going to be Very Rich Soon

Yep. You heard it here first.

But how will I do it? Through honest toil? Through inheritance? Through clever investments?

Through felonious activities?

Nope. Lean in real close now, because once people hear about this, it’ll be pandemonium.

I don’t know why no one’s thought of this before. The secret to my get-rich-quick scheme?

Pull tabs!

The working man’s welfare!

The cardboard crack!

See, it all started with ten dollars in pull tabs for my birthday from The Boy’s girlfriend Dream Girl.

Having cleverly recovered $3 from Dream Girl’s $10 investment, I bought three more pull tabs.

Of the three new tickets, I made $5. I quickly parlayed that five dollars into a one-dollar winner but am confident that the big winning ticket – the one that I will buy with this remaining dollar, the one that frees me from working for, um, maybe up to a week – is within my grasp.

From there, I take that money and invest in lottery tickets. The PowerBall is up to 107 million.

I can get by on that.

You smell what I’m cooking?

30 comments:

Linda said...

I assume pull tabs are a kind of instant lottery ticket in the midwest? In New England they're the little tabs that open your can of soda, or beer.

I thought you had a marvelous recycling plan that paid big time for the aluminum!

Douglas said...

I once thought that about Blackjack... and Craps (such an aptly named game). But I regained my sanity... somewhat.

jaz@octoberfarm said...

hey...my sister lives in minneapolis! teddy got her wish and i dropped something this morning. you can see it on my blog in just a few moments when i get it posted! she was very happy!

Deborah said...

I sold pulltabs in the late 90s to subsidize my foray into owning a biz (biz=$0 pulltabs=$Cub) and have many sad and hilarious stories.

It's a weird and amazingly delusional world.

Secretia said...

You are making a "Pot Luck" dinner!

Secretia

f8hasit said...

I think about how I'll spend my millions when I win the lottery.
However, I've yet to buy a ticket...

Can I borrow some of your cash once youi win? Sounds like you've got it cornered, so I don't want to create any competition for you.
:-)

Lesley said...

So, when you get rich remember me, your new best friend!! ;-)

CatLadyLarew said...

If I rip the pull tabs off all the Dr Pepper cans in the basement, will that make me rich? Maybe I should just skip it and go straight to felonious activities.

Ms Sparrow said...

Just don't quit your day job!

Charlotte Ann said...

About once a year I live the dream. I buy a lottery ticket and I make sure I buy it soon after the last drawing so I can have a whole week to dream and dream Largely on what I would do should I win. I can dream hugely for 1.00 and it's for a whole 7 days. I then forget about it for another year until someone like you causes me to remember to buy another ticket.
THANKS

Slyde said...

im in! i'll be your silent partner!

....Petty Witter said...

Am I missing something here? Pull tabs?

Ann's Rants said...

And I'm just over here sitting on my duff waiting for money to come in...

PULL-TABS!!

Cloudia said...

Me too!



Aloha, Friend


Comfort Spiral

Kelly said...

Aren't pull tabs those things on beer and soda cans? You can get rich from those? How did I not know this? All those millions of $$$ I've tossed in the recycling bin! Oh, the horror!

Obviously, I have no idea what kind of pull tab Pearl is referring to.

Pearl said...

Hmm. Maybe "pull tab" is a Midwestern term?!

They're the "peel off" style tickets in bars, kind of like scratch off lottery tickets with a much lower pay-out but a much better chance of winning.

Like Charlotte Ann, I, too, dream about how I would spend my lottery winnings, including the fact that friends and family would have to get an enormous amount of money just so I wouldn't have to vacation alone, but like f8hasit, I've yet to have actually purchased a ticket!

June said...

Damn, I knew I forgot something other than eggs when I was at the store!!

Madame DeFarge said...

Like others, I had imagined you rooting about for old cans and recycling them. I am reassured that you are merely gambling.

Lizzy and Elle said...

Well now I want to gamble and drink a soda..I am such a push over

Brian Miller said...

i have only bought 2 tickets. my FIL buys a lotto ticket every time since it came to VA and records every number ever won. he gave instructions to me recently what to do with the notebook in the case of his demise. i just shake my head.

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

I played pull tabs a couple of times with no luck, so I moved on, leaving the field to you. My retirement plan is to win the Powerball...which is why I'm still working, of course.

Not The Rockefellers said...

I went through a period of time where I was finding change on the sidewalk...everyday
I picked up what I found, when I found it, but then wondered if I was missing more. I thought of that old riddle..If you found a penny and then doubled it everyday you'd be able to live like a king by the end of the month. So far I never make it past day 7 as far as my findings.
But a girl can dream can't she?
Someday the streets will be filled with sidewalk millionaires.

Peace ~ Rene

Blasé said...

I'm going to be poor again tomorrow....I'm sure of it!

sage said...

As I don't buy lottery tickets, I'm waiting for my uncle to win so that I can have a rich uncle...

@eloh said...

Sometimes, I dream about winning the lottery... I even rode over to Georgia with a friend about ten years ago and bought a ticket....

I should do that again some day.

Cygnus MacLlyr said...

You go, girl! I reckon you will be rich-- already had more returns off'n your investment than ever I scored with the Texas Lotto...

Then again, y'gotta play to have it pay...

Hmn. Seems I missed an ingredient, penny-pincer I be...HA!

Slainte, Lady Pearl!

Gadjo Dilo said...

Are "pull tabs" what we Brits call "scratch cards"? I suspect so, and if I'm right then you will get rich some day, as long as you live to be 10,000,000,000 years old.

Passion said...

..since we're such good friends and all, how about a small loan? Just a mill or so will do it for me.

Mone said...

There are no pull tabs over here but unfortunately playing the lottery didnt help me with my shortage of money yet.

Irisheyes said...

I am thankful every day for poverty since I think I may get into trouble if I were rich. BUT-if you win, can I bum $1000.00?