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Monday, February 22, 2010

Hey, Man. I’m Just Glad to be in There Somewhere…

It’s come to my attention that there are people reading my blog from the bathroom.

So obviously, I’m pleased.

Stephanie (not her real name) admitted this to me at a party Saturday night.

“Don’t read too much into that,” she said, laughing. “I mean, it’s not a habit or anything.” She laughed again. “I can quit any time I want.”

She can quit any time she wants.

Well of course you can, Steph!

I had never considered “Pearl, Why You Little…” as something that would be read whilst relieving oneself.

Amazing, isn’t it, our modern conveniences? Why, in my day, if you wanted to read in the bathroom you’d have to bring a book!

I was recently at Nami, a lovely sushi restaurant in Minneapolis. My friend Pat and I were meeting for dinner. I arrived early, having walked there from work; and while Pat negotiated the traffic into the city, I sat with my drink and observed the people around me.

There were four other people at four other tables. Two were on Blackberries, two were on their cell phones, and I was taking notes.

At first, all I could see was the isolation. Look at all these people, ignoring each other! Why aren’t we communicating?

And then I sipped my drink and laughed at myself. Silly, silly woman. Why make problems when there aren’t any? After all, it was obvious we were all waiting for someone. In what world would we have all been speaking, anyway? Sitting in the same restaurant for 20 minutes doesn’t imply a relationship, for cryin’ out loud!

I put my notebook away and called Pat.

“Ack!” she yelled. “Where am I? Help! My GPS keeps telling me to go the wrong way on a one-way!”

We talked until she found the right intersection, and I tucked my phone away as she parked her car.

Modern conveniences: whether there’s someone with you in the bathroom or next to you in the car, you gotta admit it's better than nothing.

29 comments:

Chantel said...

Do you know I once actually used my cell to call my girlfriend out in the resaurant to come INTO the bathroom and get me some tp from the next stall...technology rocks.

L.C.T. said...

I agree but I like the whole actually talking to someone over emails and texts :)

L.C.T. said...

as in 'rather than' emails and texts...

Pearl said...

Chantel, that's funny. :-)

L.C.T., Oh, I agree whole-heartedly!

Elliott said...

Until recently, I traveled quite a bit for work and regularly dined alone. As such, technology was my friend, either the Blackberry or the Sony Reader. I actually wrote my 'Ode to Bacon' on my Blackberry between courses, so I wouldn't lose it and could post it later.

Without the technology, I'd just be a chubby loser eating dinner by myself. With it, I'm a multi-tasker.

Still chubby, though.

sage said...

I never go into a restaurant alone with a book, notebook and now my blackberry! even if i have to wait for someone... But sorry, I don't read your posts (or anyone else) while sitting on the toilet. I'm too afraid I might laugh and lose control of it and drop it in the bowl...

Simply Suthern said...

I dont typically carry plug in electronics into the bathroom so I would prolly miss you post there. However, I do keep a copy of Uncle John's All-Purpose Extra-Strength Bathroom Reader 13th Edition in there just in case. It's a must read.

Kurt said...

You should post a sign here making it mandatory for all your followers have to wash their hands before reading. Cleanliness Counts!

Jodie Kash said...

If I had 400+ followers I wouldn't care what they were doing were when reading. I know of one who reads me in the tub.

We're bathroom entertainment, Pearl, something to do with pants down or off.

Awesome!

Guillermo de la Varner said...

I need toilet paper.

Lizzy and Elle said...

I am too busy in the bathroom to read anything

btw we took stuff...http://sexnfries.blogspot.com

Suldog said...

This brings to mind - and I wish it hadn't - the lawyer in the office next door to mine who would go into the mens room and call clients while sitting on the john. He would spread his legal papers on the floor of the stall. Ugh. I used to purposely try to pee really loudly when I saw him doing that, and then flush twice. I liked to imagine the faces of his clients who then realized that the man they had on a retainer for hundreds of dollars an hour was taking a dump while he talked to them.

OG said...

I think that just shows how social we're becoming...every bit of free time is spent emailing, texting, IMing or reading blogs in the bathroom. Back in the day, if you were waiting on somebody, all you could do was stare at the person across the room and wonder what they looked like naked.

Anything Fits a Naked Man said...

I love my husband's blackberry, specifically because when he comes shopping with me and gets bored, he just finds a bench, pulls out his phone and checks his emails. It's the perfect marriage saver!!

Sweet Cheeks said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sweet Cheeks said...

Sorry for the deleted comment. I hate my computer...it does evil things without my knowledge...
Anyway,
When all of my kids were still living at home they would text each other from their bedrooms, which were 3 feet apart. I'd finally had enough and called them from my bedroom land line and told them to knock it the hell off....damn kids.

=]

powdergirl said...

Sigh, I wanna move to the big city, Pearl.

I really like people, you know, and people watching is my fave. But for some reason, I can never just go sit by myself and indulge myself in my voyeuristic tendencies, because somebody WILL talk to me.

I stopped at a pub for lunch yesterday, hey, you wash and detail your truck, then you go to a pub for lunch, right? Am I right?

Not a lotta people at this old blue-collar haunt of mine. I picked a table that seemed to be nicely isolated from the few other lunch eaters, who cling to walls, I like the middle tables. I ordered a Brama and a spinach. salad, hold everything except the spinach(I love spinach).

A guy from 4 tables over wanted to know 'What kinda lunch is that." And about a hundred other things about my eating habits and of,course, every other fascinating little detail about every single thing I've done since birth, lo, these many years ago.

I know, you're riveted to your toilet seat right now, aren't you? : /

So of course, I met every person in that f??cking pub, and some people, apparently, for the second time. Don't we all just love to meet people and make small talk when we're trying to eat our spinach?

Do I look lonely or something?

Or maybe I really am living in a fish bowl, and I can't see the glass for the bubbles ?

Do I sound grumpy? I'm not, I LIKE people. Alot. I even really like TALKING to people. But sometimes I just want to look at them, you know?

Btw.


I'm reading you from the hot tub, I hope you're comfortable, up there on the lid with your mid-day latte. Yes, yes that is raw cane sugar and steamed almond milk, tastes like sweet rum and bitter chocolate, no?

God, I do go on.

Enough whining from me, I have

powdergirl said...

....dry wall to patch.

Secretia said...

I am good at fantasy, so it's like there is always someone with me!

Rondell said...

That Stephanie nasty as hell! I hope whoever she work with got some sanitary alcohol wipes in case she touch something of theirs.

Lo said...

Oh, dear....am I the only one in the world who can stand my own company enough to enjoy being alone and quiet or just pondering something?
I do not understand the need to be connected to someone else 24/7. How does one ever figure anything out with all that togetherness? Seriously.....
Love, Lo

De Campo said...

Yikes. At least I don't have to worry about my GPS trying to "cross the streams".

CatLadyLarew said...

All I know is solitaire on my iphone makes long waits in the doctor's office much less annoying.

Jayne Martin said...

Quite honestly, I've never understood people who read while astride the porcelain throne. Why don't they just wait till they have to go, go do their business, and then leave? Do they not know when they have to go? Are they just hanging out there just in case? You would be surprised at how much time I've devoted to trying to unravel this puzzling behavior.

adelaine said...

i do wonder if we are really more connected or are more distant... not so long ago, I used to have heart to hearts with friends over drinks etc.. but now we all don't meet up anymore but everyone is also texting, emailing or msg each other on facebook.. technology has slowly rendered meeting up face to face unnecessary..

When Pigs Fly said...

That is more than a little disturbing having the laptop in the bathroom. I suppose it could be an iPhone but still not a pleasant thought. This reminds me why I need to carry around those little Lysol wipes wherever I go.

Marla said...

Anything with camera capability in the bathroom tends to scare me. Don't ask....

Something Happened Somewhere Turning said...

There's just something very wrong about people using cell phones in the bathroom. I find it very disturbing.
It really creeps me out when I'm talking to someone on the phone and then I hear the toilet flush. The word gross comes to mind.
I agree with Kurt, there should definitely be some mandatory rules about washing hands.

Warty Mammal said...

My interpretation of the blog reading in the bathroom might be that that's the only place the person can get peace.

I, too, have been known to read your blog in the can. I sneak off in there with my iPod Touch when my kid is driving me nuts. I lock the door, sit on the lid (so no hygiene issues are involved) and take five. Alas, the teensy pop-up keypad on the Touch isn't go great for leaving comments.