No, I can’t finish that sentence. It’s just too ridiculous.
What’s with these commercials for Activia? Jamie Lee Curtis, The Queen of Scream, you poor SOB, what’s up with the “regularity” talk? Either you are truly excited about yogurt or you have a payment to make.
Should’ve never bought that boat, should ya, Jamie?
And do we have to accompany that talk with the vaguely flushing-like gesture you’re making with your hands, the one implying yogurt moving efficiently from entrance to exit?
My fear, of course, is that somehow this gesture they insist on using in their commercials becomes part of American pop culture.
I won’t. I won’t do it.
So what’s next? Benecio Del Toro shilling for adult diapers? Meryl Streep pushing arch supports?
Ah. We are aging.
I am aging.
Well. They are aging. Me? I’m not so sure, but I have my suspicions…
You know, I don’t actually notice the fact that I am aging until I am surrounded with younger folk, something that happens more and more often these days.
Mathematically, it seems the odds are increasingly against me.
Why? Why do I have younger friends? I need to hang out with people my age or older, if not for the common memories and dance steps then for the hope that I don’t end up in the bathroom mirror pulling the skin on my face back toward my ears, wondering if anyone would notice if I had a tiny face lift.
Just a tiny one.
I recently began telling anyone under 30 that asked my age that I am 58. I’m not, but I love when they say, “God, you look great!”
I plan on carrying out this little lie until I’m actually 58, whereupon I will begin to tell them that I am, oh, 32, just to see the look on their faces.
“Yeah. I was a really heavy smoker from 15 to just last year. It was tough, but I feel great.”
That’ll teach ‘em.
The movie stars of my youth are concerned with bowel movements, some of my younger friends are surprised to learn that there was no violence at Woodstock, and I recently overheard someone wearing a letter jacket state firmly that “only fat people have cellulite”.
These are the things one must contend with when one continues to live.
What are you going to do?
As my father says, it beats the alternative.