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Sunday, January 3, 2010

I Should Have Your Christmas Present To You By Memorial Day

Well I don’t have to tell you that Christmas is in the past, but here I am, sitting on a number of undelivered gifts.

What are the rules on this sort of behavior, anyway? I mean, I realize I’m flirting with being punished for Behavior Unbecoming a Reveler; but it’s not like I haven’t tried.

Well, okay. I kind of tried. I made a couple phone calls. I even had a couple drinks with one of the people for whom I’ve a present.

I just forgot to bring the present along.

I think you get to keep the presents you’ve purchased for others if they haven’t been delivered by January 1, don’t you?

No?

No, no, no, I don’t think that, either.

Ahem.

It seems, however, that what started as gifts from the heart have turned into little chores. Look at them, just lying there, all reproachful-like, each one a reminder that I haven't done what I set out to do.

And do you hear that? The muttering? It was a whisper, initially; but now it’s a mutter.

My thoughtful gifts are developing an attitude.

“Whaddaya doin’? Huh? How come I’m still wrapped up?!”


How long before those gifts, griping now, are actually screaming at me?

“What?! What’re you, rich? You just spent money like a mindless drone, ‘cause the TV told you to, ‘cause it snowed out, triggering some sort of gift-buying frenzy? What are you, Elvis?”


Frankly, I’m always disappointed in my inanimate objects when they mock me. I once had a treadmill I had to put in the alley when it wouldn't shut up about my thighs.

No, I didn’t buy you just because it snowed out! I bought you for my friend! Can I help it if everyone’s been busy?


Sheesh. Get offa my back.

25 comments:

Menopausal New Mom said...

I think the rule is you get to keep the stuff or regift it next year Lol! Not sure I'd want to hand over a Christmas Gift after New Year's unless the recipient already knew before Christmas that I had it for them.

Little bit of a tight corner you've got yourself into there. I guess you could always toss the gifts into the alley with the treadmill!

Lori E said...

The rule is after January 2 you pack it all up in a box and you send it to me. That is the official rule.

GregoryJ said...

Unless you got gifts from the people the gifts are for, take them back, get refund, erase from gift list.
If they did give you a gift, suck it up, give it to them and try to convince them that you did not wait to see if they gave you one first. It would be a good idea to walk to their house in a blizzard to show your sincerity.

Are they things you can use? Do you want them? Oh, the temptation! WTF Keep them , enjoy them. If they are real friends, they won't hold it against you for too long. Take your punishment and hold your head up high.

Beth said...

Can you just hide those insolent gifts and let them resurface next year? That way, the gift will be a surprise for you and the intended recipient. Win-win!

powdergirl said...

I have only one undelivered gift thats sits and mocks me from its corner perch.

And if there's one way to up my belligerent factor, its by mocking me. I've got my chin stuck out and may never send the damn thing now. *One LuLu cult wear yoga strip free to the next person who will pick it up.*

Under the Influence said...

Rewrap them in birthday wrap and give them for birthday gifts to the appropriate person at the appropriate time.

Debbie said...

And this is precisely why I don't participate in Secret Santa or anything like that. I would be sitting on a mound of stuff all the time. I am the worst procrastinator ever.

Douglas said...

We were supposed to give gifts???

uh oh...

Amber Star said...

I have one sitting around looking sad. My friend called to say she was going to drop by and I thought that would be the perfect time to gift her and little gift for her husband...a little candle. When she didn't show up I called her house to make sure she was ok. Her husband had a terrible cold, but said she was at a play her grandson was in. Later she called and said she had gotten caught up with another friend and hadn't made it over to my house. I told her what her husband had said and she was so upset. She forgot that, too. So anyway her gift is sitting there with their Christmas card stuck in the top of the bag. If you find out about how to deal with this let me know. I have no use for a bright red coffee mug with a "diamond" E on the side of it.

Lynn said...

I can SO relate! I wish I had a Person.

Secretia said...

I have two boxes of candy in the house that were going to be presents for someone, but now I am stuck here looking at them. I hope I see someone to give them to soon, before I eat them all as my next meal.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

THANK YOU! I am sitting on a ton of unmailed overseas gifts myself. I'm ashamed truly. I aim to post them off this week but I won't faint if it miraculously doesn't happen. I hate my procrastination. I need to kick that in the head. But you make me feel better that I know I'm not the only one still holding gifts. :)

Not The Rockefellers said...

Aww..that's nothing...you should see what they do when you're sleeping...ask Liza Bean

Jon said...

I'd almost forgotten about it until the other day.
When it came it was bubble wrapped and taped,
The tinsel and ribbon poking out through the gaps.
As the UPS guy handed it to me it rattled,

Something inside gave way and the package shifted,
The sound of broken glass. Forget how much you don't want this,
Forget that you should run out into the streets,
Heave it into the air! "It must must have been damaged

In transport," he said. "Hope it wasn't anything important."
He turned and walked away, smug in his assurance
It was delivered as it had been packaged.
The card was stapled on the outside.

Teri said...

You remind me that I have not one but TWO beautifully wrapped bags of cookies I made for friends of mine that are now approximately 2 weeks old (stale) now and I've totally considered opening one to eat some. I made so many but they all managed to get wrapped and none for us!!

Carol said...

I am notorious for forgetting the present or card! Just hate when that happens.

The Retired One said...

I know EXACTLY what you mean.
Those presents can be a PIA...
one year, I just kept it and gave it to someone else...
ha

justsomethoughts... said...

i have a few myself
it's not so good
fortuntately mine are small and i left them in my car.
good place.
out in the cold.

Fragrant Liar said...

See, I had to do the same thing with my Christmas cards. They keep gleaming their crass glittery redness at me and shouting everytime I walk by. "You should have sent us! People are cold in Minneapolis! They need the warmth we paper products can bring."

Little do they know that I saved them from a quick toss in the fireplace, right?

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

Yes, I've done that and I know exactly what you mean about the attitude those gifts take on. Plus, this year I have two bags of Lindt truffles that I was planning to share at the office...but one of our vendors brought three big boxes of them and now people are saying stuff like, "Ooh, if I eat one more of those I'll die." So guess what I'll be eating?

Jayne Martin said...

Here's the rule: If you didn't receive a present from someone then you don't have to give them theirs. Of course, they could have a present for you and be thinking the same thing. So now you both think the other is a shit because they didn't give you a present... It's a conundrum, isn't it.

ellen abbott said...

After certain people's gifts didn't get delivered and then didn't even get bought in time, I quit buying them gifts. I'm sure my brother understands.

Irisheyes said...

I have a bottle of wine for someone I did not see over the holidays and it keeps screaming at me "Go ahead, drink me, you are probably not going to see her, Get yourself a corkscrew and drink me!" Of course it's Italian wine, so its speaking to me in italian, but I think I understand it's intentions.

secret agent woman said...

If the gifts are for peole who gave soemthng to you, you apologize for the lateness and deliver them anyway. Otherwise, pack them away for someone for next year. Somewhere you are sure to forget them until next January.

Pearl said...

Luckily I my Christmas cards say, happy holidays without specifying which and they're red so I can just have those last pesky third delivered by Chinese New Years instead.