Well I don’t have to tell you that Christmas is in the past, but here I am, sitting on a number of undelivered gifts.
What are the rules on this sort of behavior, anyway? I mean, I realize I’m flirting with being punished for Behavior Unbecoming a Reveler; but it’s not like I haven’t tried.
Well, okay. I kind of tried. I made a couple phone calls. I even had a couple drinks with one of the people for whom I’ve a present.
I just forgot to bring the present along.
I think you get to keep the presents you’ve purchased for others if they haven’t been delivered by January 1, don’t you?
No, no, no, I don’t think that, either.
It seems, however, that what started as gifts from the heart have turned into little chores. Look at them, just lying there, all reproachful-like, each one a reminder that I haven't done what I set out to do.
And do you hear that? The muttering? It was a whisper, initially; but now it’s a mutter.
My thoughtful gifts are developing an attitude.
“Whaddaya doin’? Huh? How come I’m still wrapped up?!”
How long before those gifts, griping now, are actually screaming at me?
“What?! What’re you, rich? You just spent money like a mindless drone, ‘cause the TV told you to, ‘cause it snowed out, triggering some sort of gift-buying frenzy? What are you, Elvis?”
Frankly, I’m always disappointed in my inanimate objects when they mock me. I once had a treadmill I had to put in the alley when it wouldn't shut up about my thighs.
No, I didn’t buy you just because it snowed out! I bought you for my friend! Can I help it if everyone’s been busy?
Sheesh. Get offa my back.
3 hours ago