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Monday, January 18, 2010

I Also Have Plans to Wash Those Trees Over There

For as far back as I can remember, I’ve been helping move the seasons along. True, I am starting early this year, but there’s a lot to move, and I’m not as young as I was.

I refer, of course, to the city streets.

My name is Pearl. And I’m here on behalf of Spring.

There was a warm-up over the weekend, all the way to the low 30s, and the resultant thaw has created heavy slush, a thick crust on the land’s knee-deep snow, and a weakening of the glaciers.

The streets and sidewalks of my neighborhood are studded with glaciers, miniature, lifeless continents of snowy salty goodness.

My obsession?

To chop them down to size.

And somewhere, my sister is doing the same.

It’s a joint obsession, this wandering about, this clearing of the sewer drains, smashing blocks of ice, letting the sun jab its warm fingers into winter’s icy ribs.

How do I do it? It’s all in the heels, baby. Really, anyone can do it, although we do offer an apprenticeship. The weight of the boot, the angle of the approach – it’s all very scientific.

It’s also the willingness to get out there, to don one’s ice-choppin’ hat and practical gloves, to turn one’s pale face towards the sun and get the hell out of the house.

Since I was old enough to wander about on my own, I have done it for the cars, for the dogs, for the people.

But more and more, I suspect that I have done it for me.

Do I really think I’m helping make room for Spring?

Yes.

No.

Maybe.

At any rate, it gets me out of the house.

30 comments:

Secretia said...

Kick the hell out of the old winter! Way to go Pearl, why you little.....

Secretia

Ugich Konitari said...

Do you think you can make it to the "International Conference of Leatherized Lower Limb Thrusts : A Tropical view " as keynote speaker on Day 1 ?

Day 1 will be May 1, 2010. In Mumbai. And we are having special tutorials on "Mango Peel Destruction Analysis by human limbs in days of Global Warming and its application to Minnesota winters".....

suzicate said...

Yes, let's kick winter's @$$. We got 70 here this weekend and it was way too much of a tease for it too turn ugly again.

Under the Influence said...

I do this too, but with my car. I drive along the curb smashing up what's left of the plowed snow!

Ms Sparrow said...

Keep up the good work! Minnesota needs more people like you, babe.

Pat said...

Yay for the sun's warm fingers and Pearl's boots!

Laoch of Chicago said...

I believe in the lazy way. This is why God created kitty litter, to melt the ice on the sidewalk!

dave hambidge said...

Our unusually prolonged snow/ice in britland has all gone away within 24 hrs (at least in North Staffordshire) and todays temp reached 10C. Further crap seems inevitable before Esater.

Jayne Martin said...

My dear Pearl... You are a selfless soul. If only there were more like you to ease my path. Your friend, Spring.

Tamsin said...

I remember my mum shoveling off the patio with great determination at the very first sight of sunshine. Norwegian winters will do that to a non-Norwegian :)

@eloh said...

I thought about washing winter off my car... but instead I just drove through the drive through like a dead carnival ride. I don't even know why...a lame attempt to help me decided if it was worth the cost and effort?

Then it started pouring rain, and I was glad that I had not been the cause but having a washed car.

It was just dust... cause that's all we could find to throw done on the icy roads,, just a handful of rocks here and there...dust

Madame DeFarge said...

Awfully nice of you. But I'd be impressed if Spring ever looked like Spring these days and not the much inbetween cold and hot.

powdergirl said...

You ever make the mistake that you think you're wering your steel-toes, but it turns out you're not?

Yeah, I haven't kicked at street bound ice masses in a while. They'll need more salt before I try that again.

I dislocated my toe!

But I do still hit them with my truck, does that count?

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

I used to do that trick with the heel of a boot and smashing the crusted over drains and such. I didn't do it to help spring along; I did it to sate my need to crush stuff beneath my foot.

Then, one day, my overactive imagination created a scene where my foot didn't hit the ice quite the right way, and my leg snapped, mid-shin, and then I went down in a heap of pain and screaming. And the picture my imagination painted for the rest of my mind was so graphic and detailed that my brain refuses to crush ice over drains anymore.

However, I still stomp on renegade, lone leaves in the fall.

Douglas said...

Good luck with that. You brought back memories of my misplaced childhood (before my parents came to their senses and moved us to Florida) when we would play a peculiar form of ice hockey. That is, hockey played with clumps of ice on the slick icy street. These were not fond memories, mind you. We were only out there because my mother would become no longer tolerant of the side effects of our cabin fever and chase us out.

Jeanie said...

You've inspired me and if there is anything left of the heel of my boots when I get my front walk cleared I'll take on the bigger world. I'm more than willing to do my part.

PhilipH said...

If you could spare the time Pearl I'd gladly welcome you and your lethal heels around our small cottage community here in the Scottish Borders.

The ice is as thick as I can ever recall (and I can recall far more years than most!)

This Scottish ice laughs at the rock-salt I scatter. I think it eats the stuff. Talk about treacherous! It's worse than that.

If you can keep your feet, when all about you are losing theirs, then you're a better (wo)man that I, Gunga Din!

Do you remember the tale of the man who wore a greatcoat and the wind said it could take the coat off him?

The harder the wind blew to remove the man's coat the tighter he held on to it. Then the sun said that it could do better than the wind. The wind laughed, but the sun shone brightly and the man removed his coat.

Well, it hasn't worked here! The sun has shone for the last two days but the ice just got shinier and slippier.

So, Pearl, seems like we need your stiletto heels to tame the icy beast. Stamp as hard as you wish, as many times as you wish. Use a pickaxe to, if you like.

We'll pay you top rate but not your travel expenses. OK? Is that alright? Where do you have to come from ...

Brian Miller said...

whatever you are doing, keep doing it...we got up to the 50s this weekend....ahhh...come on spring!

mapstew said...

Gets you out of the house AND it's free!! :¬)

xxx

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

I sometimes do that with an actual, official ice chopper. I have a vague memory of knocking the heel off my boot, while the ice chunk sat and sneered. I no longer kick ice chunks off my car, either...I was warned years ago that the fender might just break off before the ice lets go.

IB said...

It was 61 degrees here today. If you are responsible, then I am forever grateful. As a small token of my appreciation I will tell everyone I know. You will be famous, at least in the Pacific Northwest.

mrwriteon said...

Making room for spring? I like that. There should be at least a civic award for your efforts.

Cloudia said...

You ARE a harbinger/bringer of Spring!

Aloha, Pearl ("Momi" in Hawaiian)


Comfort Spiral

She Writes said...

You go, girl!

tattytiara said...

I knew things were going to work out with my boyfriend the day he helped me throw rocks at icicles.

Tempo said...

We dont have the ice, but we do have a woman at the end of the street just like that... we call her 'the nutter at the end of the street' :-)

ladyfi said...

Winter hangs on here until March! But you go and do your stuff Pearl...

willow said...

All the thick snow we've had since Christmas just melted yesterday. Now we have that smashed dead grass and mud look. Ick. Thanks for peeping over at my place! :^)

My name is PJ. said...

I did that when I was young....hastening the death of dirty slush and ice. It was better and much more fun than cleaning my room.

Heck yes, you're making way for Spring...clearing a path.

Gaston Studio said...

Way to go Pearl!