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Sunday, January 10, 2010

The Cat Is Lobbying for Better “Working” Conditions

The Cat Labor Laws have been posted on the fridge.

Hmmm. Now who would do that?

Of the two cats, I just don’t believe Dolly Gee Squeakers (formerly of the Humane Society Squeakers) has it in her.

Dolly’s concern regarding labor laws and fair play go no further than making sure that I continue to labor (the cat box in particular is a source of nail-biting concern for her); and as far as fair play is concerned, Dolly’s integrity is called into question on a regular basis.

Witness the Ball of Yarn Fiasco, which Ball she took, by force, from Liza Bean.

Amusingly enough, Dolly Gee found herself completely entwined in said yarn, the result of dragging it around in circles, in and out of furniture legs to the point that she became lashed to a chair.

No, Dolly’s not the one concerned that she may be asked to do a little work around the house.

That leaves Liza Bean Bitey (of the Minneapolis Biteys) as my prime suspect.

Have you seen the Cat Labor Laws?

Let me pull a couple of these laws for you. I think you’ll agree with me that the Cat Union is strong indeed.

No Cat shall work more than 20 minutes without a Grooming Break.

No Grooming can be done properly in under 30 minutes.

And of course…

Laps shall be provided, preferably those of slightly overweight women, upon demand.

And perhaps the most telling bit of documentation scotch taped to the refrigerator:

All grievances between Cats and Humans will be settled by the Cat winding in and out of the Human’s ankles whilst the Human stands at the top of a flight of stairs.

I'm not sure this Cat Labor Union really have their members’ best interests at heart.

Liza Bean almost always has a grudge of some sort, and it’s gonna be hard to open a can of cat food from a heap at the bottom of the stairs.

25 comments:

suzicate said...

Didn't you know cats make their own laws?! The ones I used tohave ruled the universe, or so they thought!

Douglas said...

You have beautifully articulated why I did not live in a two story (or more) house whilst I was owned by cats. It was difficult enough navigating a single, (mostly) level, floor what with artful maneuvers forcing me to trip over the coffee table, an occasional chair, or fall headlong into the sofa.

Laoch of Chicago said...

The most important duty of a cat is to nap in a stylish fashion.

secret agent woman said...

Cats are always looking for a better deal.

CatLadyLarew said...

Cats are way too high maintenance!

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

I'm not letting my cats see this post; the 5 of them will start their own union.
Frigging cats; never know not to nip the hand that feeds, or pets, them...

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

For a species without thumbs, cats are remarkably good at getting exactly what they want.

The Jules said...

Do cats eat the crumpled corpses of their dead owners at the bottom of the stairs, or do they just move on to a new victim?

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

At our house, the union local has created another labor law: cats shall be fed (canned food only) by 8:30 a.m. and if not they shall poke, prod, and if all else fails, sneeze in a human's sleeping face until said human gets out of bed and opens that can. Whereupon said cat may or may not eat anything, and may or may not gack in surprise locations around the house.

Molly Potter said...

In these times of increasing litigation, it is suggested that lap weight maintenance be worked at.

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

Yup, they never think it all the way through do they? I just let Admiral Fluffy J. Schoochie-Baloo (of the Manhatten Schootchie-Baloos) rant and rave then I show him my TWO opposible thumbs and how well they work to open the door and work the can opener. Shuts him up every time. I still hear him mumbling as he walks away but I make my point everytime.

Ms Sparrow said...

Cats always have so many rules I can't keep up with them. Worst of all, the little darlings will change the rules on a whim and there we are, back at square one in our relationship!

Irish Gumbo said...

Or perhaps it is just a diversion, a Red Herring, if you will, posted by a sleeper cell of Al Meow-eda terroist cats.

Maybe they could be distracted by an offering of herring, that should get their attention...

Jimmy Bastard said...

Ahhhh.... so many cats, so little time.

Fragrant Liar said...

I found our pets' journals recently.

The chihuahua wrote: Oh I love my life, I love my master, I love smelly socks, I love rolling in crap, I love ...

The cat wrote: Day 599 of my captivity . . .

Jayne Martin said...

I recently got my Chihuahua, Dixie, a new pet kitty when her's died. He seems to instinctively know he is her kitty and that she is the queen. And I'm for cleaning the sandbox, serving his food, and tripping up in the hallway for his amusement when I fall on my ass...

The Retired One said...

You've got them pegged, for sure, Pearl!
And they have you trained well!!

Beth said...

I need to warn my neighbors. They have 4 cats though a couple of the felines were overheard insisting that *we* belonged to them, too. I think that is how they pilfer from our garbage without guilt.

Debbie said...

Once they organized, I knew we were all doomed!

lisleman said...

Their organization is not going to hold. Think herding cats, they are too independent. One of them is just fantasizing about leading a union of cats.
I have a sister named Dolly so this post was extra special - thanks

Kavi said...

Labour laws....how about some bonus too !?! I am interested in laws only if they hold out bonuses !

Eternally Distracted said...

and I thought it was a dogs life? I have a parrot that rules our roost...and his demands are fairly similar, he is very vocal with them too!

Jeanne said...

Abigail and Emmeline have similar views on canine labor; thankfully, they're not nearly as aggressive about demanding their rights.

Although they can get a little pushy at treat-time.

....Petty Witter said...

Such sweet memories of our beloved feline friends, sadly none of them still with us. Thanks for this wonderful post.

Kurt said...

I misread the title and I thought this was going to be about "Cat lobbing" and I didn't know how tossing cats at people might potentially help your working conditions, but I was willing to go with it.