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Thursday, December 17, 2009

Wherein Pearl Misses an Inanimate Object

I left my book at a friend’s house. A friend that has gone to visit his parents in Florida and won’t be back until the 29th.

Excuse me while I breathe into this paper bag.

You know the book, right? The book I carry in my purse, the one in which I write down such interesting thoughts as “that woman’s shirt is far too small to be comfortable” and “I no longer remember the Pythagorean Theory – am worried about my relationships with right triangles”.

I was shocked when I discovered that not all people carry notebooks. What do they do when they have ideas, need to make lists, witness something particularly amusing? Oh, sure. You tell yourself that your current thought is so clever that you couldn’t possibly forget it, but you will, you know you will!

I need this book! I’ve got pages and pages of smart aleck treatises in it, works of blurred, sometimes scatological observation which eventually make it to my blog and/or the sign in my front yard.

Just kidding. There is no sign in my front yard.

Yet.

I once pulled this book out of my purse, on the bus, to jot down what I’m sure I thought was a bit of brilliant deduction when I overheard one person whisper to another, “Good God. Just shoot me if you ever see me writing in my diary on the bus. Pathetic.”

I had to laugh. It’s not a diary, you bozos! It’s a blog journal!

Diary. Pshhhhhhhhh. As if.

And now? Now here I am, blog-journal-less.

I feel a little undressed.

What if something entertaining happens on the bus tonight? What if I run into a celebrity lookalike or need to copy down some succulent bit of graffiti?

Do I write it on my hand? Call myself on my cell phone and whisper the play-by-play into my voice-mail?

Ha!

Now who’s pathetic?!

43 comments:

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

You go girl. Bring back "As if". I'm right behind you.

I think you should get a talking bird for your shoulder, just until you get the book back. Whisper things into its bird ear so it will repeat it back to you later when you're looking for blog topics. Also, ecofriendly! Bonus!

With a bird on your shoulder, those snooty bus people will never mock you again.

Pearl said...

Steam Me Up, now why didn't I think of using a bird?! Genius!! Let's see the fellow commuters make fun of THAT! :-D

Princess Sparkle Pants said...

A squared plus B squareed equals C squared. :-) Thanks!

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

that is such a good idea!! I keep scribbling notes to myself and making lists over and over on random pieces of paper!
The bird idea is good but who knows if it will spill your secrets to a competitor if given with a choice suet bribe!!

Lady Banana said...

I should do that as I am always thinking I will remember that fascinating tidbit of information or that interesting website advertised on a hoarding, but I never do.

I even have an iPhone which I could use to either type notes into or do voice notes - but I don't I always foolishly trust my poor memory :(

Pearl said...

Princess Sparkle Pants, thank you! Whew!! :-)

Roshni, I worry about my shoulder, too, with the bird. Do they make tiny diapers for birds?!

Lady Banana, I used to think that, too and was always amazed that I'd forget what had seemed like such a great idea...

DownTownDan said...

What I would do is, I would get another book. I'm just saying.

carissajaded said...

I keep a notebook like that too! But I have learned to be very careful about it...

A year or so ago I was dating a deaf guy... I pulled it out to use to write something down that i didn't know how to sign... I then proceeded to leave it over at his house.. A certain page read "I will marry this guy." He admitted to reading it later. Nearly died.

Douglas said...

I prefer to forget most of the thoughts I have. My therapist agrees... as does my parole officer.

CJ said...

I text myself things I want to make note of or remember. I'm a dork like that.

Carol said...

I keep notes on my blackberry for everything! I have used the voice record a few times if I didn't have time to tap in a note... now if I would remember to read those notes!

Scrappy Doo said...

Pearl
You need to see the movie Hariett the Spy.
You and her have so much in common and she too loses her notebook and she is so lost without it.
Ck it out on one of your cold snowy nights when your trapped in by the snow :-)

Jess said...

Ummm, der. You get a My Lil Reminder!

(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aomyzSkn7QM&feature=player_embedded)

And if you wear your Snuggie on the bus while using this you will show those fucktards who's boss! Who is laughing NOW bitches!

Lori E said...

Okay Jess stole my idea. She must have peeked over my shoulder on the bus while I was writing it on my arm with a lipstick because my pen was with my notebook at home.
Maybe they wouldn't have mocked you so much if your pen didn't have a Smurf figurine on the top end of it to match the notebook cover. I'm just sayin'

Gaston Studio said...

Can't your friend mail you the book? Until then, use another to make notes. And about that person on the bus... they're just jealous you can read and write.

Ms Sparrow said...

I feel your pain! Maybe you should get a little backup notebook for the interim. God only knows how many juicy tidbits are escaping your memory every day.

Mandy's Kidding said...

I keep my blog notes in my Blackberry.

Mandy's Kidding said...

Oh crap. I see Carol said the same thing. Now I look like a big fat Blackberry copycat.

Irisheyes said...

I have tried putting notes in my phone also but I have always remembered things better if I write them down. I am an old fashioned "hard copy" Franklin Planner girl myself and a few years back had forgotten it at home. I wept.

Irisheyes said...

Diapers for birds, why I otta....

Pearl said...

DownTown Dan, oh, sure, it’s easy for you, what with your fine brain and all…

Carissajade, If this book fell into the wrong hands…

Douglas, sometimes it’s a blessing!

CJ, I’m lousy at texting, although I do it. If you saw me texting, you would point and laugh. :-D

Carol, no Blackberry over here, but I suppose that’s next, huh?

Scrappy Doo, that is so weird, because that was, hands down, my favorite book as a child!

Jess, oh, that is too funny!!!!

Lori E, oh, that Jess can’t be trusted. :-D And so the Smurf pen is out, huh?! GAWD but I hate conforming!! :-D

Gaston, well, he’s out of town. Really, I’ll just have to get an “interim” book, which so goes against my grain on the whole note-conttinuum level…

Ms. Sparrow, yep, think I might have to. As far as losing any good ideas, so far I have steadfastly refused to think or imagine anything. :-D It’s been almost 48 hours now and my head’s fit to bust.

Mandy, great ideas for you Fancy Fone people! I’m lucky I’m not tapping it out in Morse code…

Irisheyes, are they smilin’? I like hard copy as well. It’s tactile, you can start a fire with it, and if you are over-run by spies, you can eat it. They’ll never catch me alive!

mrwriteon said...

You're not pathetic. I'd be in withdrawal agony if that happened to me. And what a great idea to keep a notebook with you at all times. I used to when I was still an active reporter but seem to have given up the practise.

Kevin Musgrove said...

I'm worried now. I actually do carry a back-up commonplace book...

lisleman said...

I was going to say something square about pythagorean but I see sparkle pants was on that quicker than bisecting an angle.

voice memo thing is too high tech and not discreet so you could tweet and follow you own tweets. Really just some paper scraps and a pen does the trick until you're on the computer again. But what would really be cool is a big clip board thing that looks like you are doing a study. You are doing a study actually.

justsomethoughts... said...

yep. write it on yer hand.
or, you can always buy a temporary little notebook.
crazy, i know...

Jeanne said...

I'm thinking, maybe a new notebook?

Ann's Rants said...

Pearl. Been thinking about you. Savers has 30% for off for seniors on Wednesdays. I forgot to bring one (a senior), but the senior next to me claimed me as her own!

So grab your nearest senior and git over there next Wed.

Git!

p.s. is this the first time you've lost the notebook? if you keep losing it, I read that you are purposely subverting yourself or something. Helpful, I know ;)

♥ Braja said...

I use the Notes on my cellphone.

That way everyone thinks you're importantly busy on sms's, but you're just writing your diary. I mean, blog journal....

Tracey said...

Maybe you can ask Santa for a new one?

Hugs!!
Green-Eyed Momster

Kavi said...

Well well well...what are bus tickets for ? I had numerous tickets with wisecracks, limericks and random notes !

:)

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

Oh, no! I know how you feel, really, I do.
Go break into his house and get it. I'm serious. I mean, it's not like you can go get another book cuz then you'd be screwed when you get the first one back, right?

Vegas Linda Lou said...

Oh, no kidding--I wouldn't dream of leaving the house without one of my many journal books. I have a few in different sizes to accommodate whichever size bag I decide to tote around for the day. My favorite, though, is the one I got from the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame. Gotta put the crap from your head somewhere!

Ugich Konitari said...

God gave us palms and forearms. Unless you have tattoos there, they are ideal for writing observations with pens. Then you walk into office and pretend you got a tatoo.

Fragrant Liar said...

I'm liking the idea of the voice mail to yourself. Or, to your boss. Say to him/her, "Write this down. I'll explain later." Then rattle off the details of the debacle for later transcription. Make sure he/she uses spellcheck, though. Am I right?

Tempo said...

I have a book like that, full of interesting snippets and ideas. I've had it for about 15yrs and never once used a single thing from it...I gave up!
Now I use my phone to write an SMS then store it in 'drafts' so I can look it up later...thats an idea worth putting in your little book, but you'll have forgotten it by then..
Here's hoping you dont have any good ideas until the 29th..

rakkasa said...

I'm so low-tech, it's scary... but I have a datebook (Day-timer type) that doesn't have much in the way of appointments, but it has lots of design ideas mixed in with grocery lists and miscellaneous phone numbers I'm not likely to need again (including the gov'mnt numbers which get abused). And then I have my "design" book which is part designs, part poetry, part ruminations. And the glitter book with my "brilliant" (as if) ideas... I -so- feel for you!

SweetPeaSurry said...

Hmmmm methinks you need a backup blog journal ... JIC!!! I wish we had some decent public transpo around here, I'd love to take the bus to work!!! That would be AWESOME!!! I finally got a pocketbook large enough to carry a blogjournal in. Really the notepad on my blackberry should work too though. *sighs* what to do what to do?!!!

Secretia said...

You are so unique, Pearl. It's always fun to visit your blog.

Secretia

Pearl said...

I went and got another book.

Sigh.

And yes. I will try not to have any good ideas between now and the end of the year.

Which reminds me: margaritas this weekend, I think. Yes. Margaritas and salsa by the bucket...

CatLadyLarew said...

If you write on your arm you can always just pull down your shirt sleeve over it and nobody will know.

Jayne Martin said...

Ah-hah! So THAT'S how you manage to write a clever, funny, wonderful post every goddamn day. For so long I've wanted to hate you for this capability, but I couldn't of course because I adore you. But thanks for making me feel a little less inadequate now. And I'm getting myself a notebook right now!

Something Happened Somewhere Turning said...

Ha! I love this. And I thought I was being silly.

The Retired One said...

Use toilet paper. They will be AFRAID to laugh at you. ha