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Tuesday, December 1, 2009

The TV Experiences Inflammation

I’ve spent a lot of time, recently, on the couch, head and ears aching; and when I’m not practicing bogus levitation spells courtesy of my vast knowledge of the first two Harry Potter books or standing, pointlessly, in front of the fridge, I’m attracted to the dark viscous sludge that oozes out of my television.

I’ve had the flu since Wednesday. It’s the only excuse I have.

Let’s talk about the prescriptions the TV thinks you might want to talk to your doctor about. Can we talk about coding your insulin meter? No? Your sudden and frequent urge to pee? Can we talk about that? No? How about we discuss Erectile Dysfunction?

Hey. I’m no expert on men, but I’d be happy to take a look.

Good grief, people, I’m being held captive in a duplex in Minneapolis.

Don’t get me wrong. I prefer these commercials to the fresh-faced adolescents asking their mothers if they’ve ever had that “not so fresh” feeling.

Still, what’s the deal with prescription drug commercials?

I know there’s a dollar to be made, but I’ve reached my limit on watching commercials featuring leering “middle-aged” men who may or may not be on boner enhancers.

I’ve yelled openly at the TV twice this afternoon. Sure I turn it off, but then I’m back. Book Three in the Harry Potter series is here in my hot little hands, but the TV! The TV! It’s just so much easier for me to lay here and complain about the never-ending Lipitor commercials.

I wonder if the TV can recommend a drug for my irritations?

28 comments:

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

It is getting ridiculous and hope you feel better soon!

Diane said...

I dunno if you'll ever see it on TV but it's called 'Fukitol'. And it's lovely.

And you're right... if one believes TV, one would think there are an awful lot of boner-challenged men out there. And speaking as one who is about to plunge back into the close-to-middle-aged (I'm not dying 'til I'm past 100, thank you very much, so I'm NOT middle-aged yet) dating pool, one really has to hope TV is wrong. Just sayin'.

Stephanie said...

I agree with Diane.

Ms Sparrow said...

You are truly amazing, Pearl. The way you drag yourself from your sickbed to your computer and do a daily post is an inspiration to us all! (I know I couldn't do it.) May you survive this bout of flu and go on to entertain us with your
daily day-brighteners in good health.

Maelstrom said...

I wish my kids had never seen the commercial for Zhu Zhu Pets.

mapstew said...

You should see Irish/European TV!!

:¬)

Douglas said...

I blame it all on the "Living Bra" commercials. Had the censors (all praise their piety) held true to their principles back in the 50's, we'd have been spared these more modern offenses.

erin said...

I read all the harry potter books when I had the flu last year. It was a mix of horrible and wonderful.

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

Buzz thru book 3 and get to book 4; it's the best one. And I agree with the above comment; you're sick and yet you post. Clearly you don't need any of the "miracle" drugs advertised on TV. You are already uber-super.
Feel better!

@eloh said...

Evidently, evidently, the make your pee pee longer pills are selling so well that they are now, just as of late, marketing them to woman.

(Nothing to do with my recent troubles.)

But just a thought here, as most TV leaves us stupified. Sooo... if Extend-a pee-pee really works... . then WHY would it only make women amorous? Would it not also extend the "little man in the boat" to maybe looking more like "A pencil in my pants"???

And besides.. Who knew there were so many short pee pees' out there as to warrant a commercial every 10 minutes through the night.

Guillermo de la Varner said...

I masturbate to those ED commercials, just as a slight to those sorry bastards!

Carol said...

I agree with Maureen - "skim" through book 3 and head onto 4. Hell, read the last couple chapters of 3 and you won't have missed a thing!

ellen abbott said...

I love it. Just go tell your doctor (who obviously wasted all those years in medical school instead of just subscribing to the drug company newsletters) which drug you need. Problem solved.

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

Harry Potter is MUCH better!!

Pearl said...

I just love you guys.

:-)

Home today -- again -- after sleeping a full 14 hours yesterday. Fourteen hours! The cats are confused and so am I. At any rate, today's commercials are all about attorneys and secondary schooling. The afternoon demographics are really something else...

Oh My Goddess said...

I know, right?

TV commercials like that are worse than the boner who is overstaying its welcome for more than 4 hours.

I mean, does the lady (or man) friend get some meds. that help her (him) want to be near that same boner that lasts for more than 4 hours?

LucyCooper said...

I love at part on those commercials where they speed-talk you through the possible side effects, which *might* include loss of sight, dry mouth, an erection that lasts 24 hours, sudden death......

Lynn said...

You poor thing!
The last time I was sick a friend brought over a boxed set of St, Elsewhere.
How about season one of Dexter?

justsomethoughts... said...

thanks for asking.
i WOULD like to dicuss the sudden and urgent need to pee.

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

So funny to see how the commercials change with time of day and type of programming. I'd ALMOST rather see the guys-get-it-up commercials than an afternoon of women getting all excited about Whiter Whites and Brighter Brights.

And did anybody notice the Thanksgiving weekend Target commercials? OMG, if they continue I'm starting a letter-writing campaign. (But not a boycott because I can't make it through Christmas without a couple of Target runs.)

Fragrant Liar said...

Well, other than Fukitol, I'd recommend Ambien.

Kavi said...

I welcome you to India. If not for anything else, but to watch our channels !

:)

Get well soon !

lisleman said...

If they had more ads like this one I would enjoy watching them.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xN0254u56Mc

Be sure to listen the side effects - best ones I've ever heard.
Oh, I wish they would ban drug ads - they were banned until sometime in the late 90's. The money they spend on the ads could be given back their customers as rebates.

My name is PJ. said...

Those commercials all tell you to 'ask your doctor' about__________. If that's what we spent our time doing during a dr. appt, there wouldn't be time for anything else, including his or her response.

Gaston Studio said...

What? You haven't seen any commercials for Zoloft?

Maelstrom said...

The cats were probably wondering what the right amount of time is to wait before they're allowed to start eating your carcass.

Mr. Knucklehead said...

Tired of mindless television ads? Have you had it up to here with pill commercials? We have just the remedy for you.

Try new Fuckitol. Two Fuckitols per day will render you incapable of caring about, well, much of anything.

Warty Mammal said...

"...I’ve reached my limit on watching commercials featuring leering “middle-aged” men who may or may not be on boner enhancers."

Bwahahahaha!