I’m on vacation over here – a full week off; and I hardly know what to do with myself.
I’ve made my bed every day, done the dishes every day. The floors are clean, I’m writing and I’m on Facebook often enough that I believe I know several people with Farkle addictions.
I’ve stood with my upturned face to the sun, eyes shut. I’ve dedicated one full evening to the embracement of the salty, lime-y goodness that is the margarita and its partner in crime, the well-made salsa.
And I’ve been watching the cats.
You’ve met the cats, yes?
There’s Liza Bean Bitey (of the Minneapolis Biteys), a small-pawed and impertinent cat with a penchant for taking late-night phone calls in the bathroom (with the water running, the little bugger). She’s been known to take my car when I’m asleep, although she always returns it with a full tank.
Money as scarce as it is these days, I’ve overlooked this behavior. Anyway, what can I do but overlook it? The last time I called the police to report that my cat had taken my car without my permission, the laughter on the other end of the phone stayed with me for days.
And then there’s Dolly Gee Squeakers (formerly of the Humane Society Squeakers). Dolly is as beautiful as she is dumb, drags bits of string about the house whilst mewing between clenched teeth, and will someday make a lovely muff.
And all this got me thinking. Cats aren’t just pets, aren’t just little fuzzy beings in their own right.
They’re also fully utilitarian.
For example, they’re very useful purely for their heating properties. Temperatures well below zero? Don’t have enough blankets? Have you considered covering yourself with kitties?
Cats are also quite useful as alarm clocks. Confused and concerned that I have slept past my usual time of 6:20, both cats feels it’s their duty to remind me, in three-minute increments, that I am not up, that I should get up, that I still am not up, that they believe I should get up.
Cats are also useful, in these difficult times, as food. You’re going to want to use a sour cream-style sauce, of course, to cut the wild taste.
I recommend a Pale Ale with Kitty Stroganoff.
I keed! I keed!
I would pair it with wine; and oddly enough, there is no wine that doesn’t complement cat…
Thank goodness I have all this time on my hands, huh?
Season of the Buffalo
2 hours ago