I've contributed to perhaps the best humor compilation I've ever read. Available now on Amazon!

My second chapbook, "The Second Book of Pearl: The Cats" is now available as either a paper chapbook or as a downloadable item. See below for the Pay Pal link or click on its cover just to the right of the newest blog post to download to your Kindle, iPad, or Nook. Just $3.99 for inspired tales of gin, gambling addiction and inter-feline betrayal.

My first chapbook, I Was Raised to be A Lert is in its third printing and is available both via the PayPal link below and on smashwords! Order one? Download one? It's all for you, baby!

Friday, December 11, 2009

So We Took A Look in the Fridge and Ate the First Two Shelves

Again with the weekend over here!

The weekend looms, and once again we respectfully approach the iPod, using its prophetic like properties to determine our immediate future.

This morning’s commute’s playlist?

Tommy The Cat by Primus
Too Fake by Hockey
Top Yourself by The Raconteurs
Train in Vain by The Clash
Treat Me Like Your Mother by The Dead Weather
Truth Is by Brother Ali
Tukka Yoots Riddim by Us3

Hey! You know what I just realized?

Every song up there starts with the letter “T”, international letter of looooooove. Somebody’s getting lucky!

Not me, of course. I’m married.

Hey-yoh!

And yes. I made that up.

Moving on…

It was not too long ago that I had a bit to drink.

And by “a bit”, I mean a lot.

I’m a good drinker, a happy little drinker. When I drink I want to laugh. I want to dance and sing and tell stories.

I’ve never understood people who fight while they’re drunk.

What a waste of a buzz.

So I was sitting at a friend’s house the other night, tipping a few back; and we reached that special time of the night where a foray into the refrigerator seemed like a good idea.

Hey! We hadn’t eaten for three, maybe three and a half hours. It was time.

The fridge was a disappointment, frankly; but that didn’t stop us.

“What’s this?” I asked, sniffing the contents of a Styrofoam container. “Catfish?”

“I prefer to think of it as “Dam Tilapia,”” he sniffed.

Dam Tilapia. See? This is what a little of the Food Channel does to a guy.

It was the leftover fish’s third reheating, and while it suffered minor flavor-damage, it was nothing that couldn’t be fixed…

That pre-packaged tartar sauce really pulled it all together.

Hic.

Thanks, everyone. I’ll be here all weekend.

14 comments:

Secretia said...

After a lot of drinking we see the food in the house differently, hee hee ha ha!

Jen said...

Dead Weather rocks!!! They have to be seen live to be truly appreciated.

Alcohol made you raid the fridge? Hmmmm...

LucyCooper said...

Train in Vain now stuck in my head. And I don't mind that a bit.

Taco Bell is my go-to drunk food. That, or I'll sit and munch down a bowl of cereal like a horse.

Lori E said...

I don't care how drunk I was I wouldn't be eating 3 times over leftover fish. OMG.
Might as well stick your fingers down your throat and get it out of you voluntarily instead of waiting for the food poisoning to kick in. I don't think the alcohol will kill it either.

Douglas said...

Drinking never made me hungry for some reason. Maybe I dreaded the inevitable regurgitation that would follow.The more liquid the stomach contents, the easier the aftermath. And, for me, there was always an aftermath. On the other hand, a bit of excessive drinking often led to food fights. So food was wasted in any event.

Pearl said...

Secretia, that's the truth!

Jen, they do, don't they?! Everything Jack White touches turns to gold, it seems. Even Meg. :-)

Lucy, I wouldn't argue about Taco Bell!

Lori, my discretionary powers leave me after about the fifth drink. It's one of the reasons I partake. :-)

Douglas, it really does depend how drunk I am. See, I don't mind saying I'm drunk after four, five drinks, but I am no where near getting sick from it. I have friends who will argue, right up to the point where they fall off their chairs, that they are definitely NOT drunk, and that's just silly.

Jimmy Bastard said...

Dam Tilapia? Didn't he play drums with Bob Marley and the Wailers?

Jayne Martin said...

My go-to drunk food, anything with salt. The more, the better. Popcorn is supreme, but antique potato chips crumbs can be tasty in a pinch, too.

@eloh said...

I'm not eating any unknowns that even faintly smell of fish... especially drunk.

Pearl said...

Jimmy, small guy with bad skin? Had big lips?

Jayne, ah. I knew we had things in common!

@eloh, oh, gosh, I could go so many different ways with that, all of them dirty. I've told you about my dirty mind, haven't I?

mapstew said...

Came in from a gig the other mornin', and cooked rashers (bacon) and eggs and sausages at 3.30 ish! Man but they wus goood! (Yes, drink had been consumed! Really? Yes!) Always a good idea to have breakfast BEFORE retiring, that way ya can have a lie-in! :¬)

xxx

Laoch of Chicago said...

After a third reheating the consumption of the forelorn catfish would require a truly epic amount of imbibing!

Joanna Jenkins said...

Every time I hear about the cold and the snow in your neck of the wood I think of you. Hope you are W A R M ! ! !
xo

My name is PJ. said...

Buzz? Raiding the fridge? In my youth, that wasn't alcohol.....

Memories, like the corners of my mind....