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Sunday, December 6, 2009

Huh? What’s That?

We were on our way to breakfast Saturday morning, driving down 13th, when we passed a woman I normally see on the bus.

“Hey! Her hair is down. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her without her hair up. She works at Candyland downtown. There’s a friendship to cultivate, huh?”

“What now? Why did she have candy in her hair?”

“No, she works at Candyland.”


Thirty minutes later, over breakfast, we were discussing the fact that neither of us has started our Christmas shopping.

“The Boy mentioned to me last summer that he thought Nixon watches were cool. I can only assume he doesn’t mean ol’ Tricky Dick.”

“What now?” Willie says. “Why would my Dad want a Richard Nixon watch?”

“What?” I said. “Who said anything about your Dad?”

“I thought you were talking about getting my Dad a watch.”

Now, I realize that not every word out of my mouth is remarkable. I’ve been known to discuss groceries, appointments to have the cat shaved. I once was forced to converse with his mother’s second husband, who insisted that he had “super long hair in high school” and that we “totally would’ve partied”.

Sure we would’ve.

But I digress.

We’ve discussed this before, Willie and I, the fact that he seems to hear less than half of what I say.

For the first few years that we were married, I was concerned. Was he deaf? Had he had a stroke? Had he recently taken up shooting heroin? No. The man is ten years younger than I am and shows no signs of anything untoward.

The truth of the matter is that he just isn’t listening.

So I do the only thing I can think of to do.

I mess with him. And then he is fined.

“Peat glue for slimmer aright?”


“Beef stew. For dinner. All right with you?”

“Sounds good!”

We’re not really having beef stew – or peat glue, for that matter.

He’s taking me out.

That's right. He's handed me lemons, and I'm making lemonade.


Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Maybe it's a male thing. Neither my son nor my husband hears half of what I tell them. It makes it easy when in doubt to say, "I did tell you - you weren't listening..."

Jimmy Bastard said...

A classic vignette of revenge m'dear, and one that you tell so well.

Jayne Martin said...

Ah, yes... the old selective hearing thing. Sentences that don't involved the words beer, sex of football just seem to pass right on through.

ellen abbott said...

At least he hears half of what you say. My dear just tunes me out and then later he's asking me stuff like...'why didn't you tell me?' Umm, why didn't you listen!

Deborah said...

OMgosh Miss P - I am married to a younger guy myself (just since June) and I was thinking he was deef as well!

Sometimes, to get his attention, I have resorted to lifting up my shirt. Hey - whatever works yes?

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

OMG, so funny!
My mom keeps saying my dad is getting Alzheimer's cuz he doesn't get what she's saying. And I'm like, "hello, he's NEVER gotten what you say; he doesn't Listen."

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

Hahahaha. Ever hear of the kids' book "The Cat With the Pot on her Head"? The little cat (Bendemolena) wears a pot on her head to shut out noise. Her mother gives her little tasks: "Tell the children to make something to drink." Bendemolena thinks "wump buffalo bink? Oh, she must have said to put a horse in the sink." Three-year-olds love it! Sounds like you live it. :-)

The Jules said...

My wife shouts me, and if I can't hear what she's saying it's my fault apparently, and the imperative is on me to move closer, not her.

I wouldn't mind, but it's rarely mind-blowing information she wishes to impart.

Douglas said...

What? Would you repeat that? I was thinking about sex and beer and sports. Or maybe the butt on that waitress...

Madame DeFarge said...

Mine only hears if I'm looking at him when I speak. Which makes speaking over the phone a complete waste of time.

Anonymous said...

I just know he's not listening to me about half the time, even though he might answer.


Brian Miller said...

oh my wife makes the best peat glue...lol. sorry, what did you say?

mapstew said...

Yeah, you got us!


Carol said...

I think we have the reverse going on in my house... I ask Ward to repeat himself all the time because, well, I am usually distracted with blogland!

Jen said...

Sounds like a typical guy to me. To be fair, I find myself tuning guys out a lot, too.

powdergirl said...

I'm the problem around here, I don't listen. But damn,can I ever LOOK like I'm listening.

Its an art.

fingers said...

Pearl, your people tend to articulate every thought they have, interesting, relevant or not.
My people have important stuff to do, so we have learned to screen the white noise from the hard data.
Of course sometimes our filters need cleaning, so the ability to distinguish between the end of the white noise and the beginning of something sensible is diminished.
Or, as I like to put it, 'If I'm not talking I'm not really listening'...

Joanna Jenkins said...

Selective hearing is my husband's problem. He hears me call him when dinner ready or if I ask a football score but taking our the trash, dinner reservations, or any other labor intensive request-- he's deaf as a doornail :-)

Are there any job opening at Candyland? That sounds like a fun place to work.

Hope you had a great weekend.

My name is PJ. said...

I resemble the method to your madness!

Jeanne said...

Old Dog is as deaf as two posts, but I've never
thought about leveraging that for dinner out.

Just one more reason to come visit you.

Tamsin said...

My husband gets so engrossed in whatever it is he's doing (watching TV, reading, driving) that I have had to learn to announce beforehand when I'm going to speak so he can readjust his brain to listening mode. The man is brilliant, but a multitasker he ain't :)