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Wednesday, December 16, 2009

All These People Are Harshing My Holiday Buzz

It may be five degrees above zero (-15 Celsius) but that’s not going to stop some of us, apparently, from strapping everything we own to a baby stroller (I’m sure there’s a baby under there somewhere) and coming downtown to do some Christmas shopping.

You may or may not know this, but Minneapolis is connected by skyways. Once you're downtown, it's "Weather? What weather?" Comfortably wandering the second-floor, glass-enclosed tunnels is what we’re all about.

And you know me, right? Why, I’m a fan of the people. Look at them, all bundled up in their spangle-y holiday sweatshirts and practical shoppin’ shoes! Aren’t they adorable?

Today, however, my love of the people is being tested; and while violence is something I leave to the professionals, I am thinking some thoughts you wouldn’t expect of one of mankind’s fans.

Let’s take that woman over there, for example, her and her four friends. Festive, ain’t they, all red and green and jolly? They are also walking abreast, the five of them, a chattering wall of solidly built folk who, having taken the day off work to come downtown and do their shopping, have forgotten that downtown Minneapolis is a thriving, working area of thrive-ily working people.

Ladies! I beg of you! Move to the right! See the people trying to get by, clutching bags of lunch, corporate security cards swinging from their necks? Let us through or face our high-heeled wrath!

I’m just kidding about the wrath. They all look like my Aunt Marlys. Who would kick Aunt Marlys?

I had lunch yesterday in Macy’s Sky Room. It has a salad bar I have dreams about. (Remind me to more fully explore my lame dream life.) I shouldn’t have done this. I shouldn’t have gone up to the 12th floor of Macy’s. I should’ve remembered last year…

Macy’s, in addition to the Salad Bar of Dreams, has their seasonal walk-through display: A Day In The Life Of An Elf. It’s all about the elves, baby: where they work, whether or not they prefer baths over showers, the elf underground nightlife and their struggle to afford customized countertops and cabinets. As you can imagine, this really draws the kids in; and if you’ve forgotten what it’s like to see a child throw themselves on the ground and scream “I hate you!” then you really need to get to Macy’s eighth floor in the next couple weeks.

The little darlings. They’re running up the escalators, running face-first into people's suit-encrusted bellies, sucking their fingers in bewilderment, laughing at the serious-faced people rushing toward elevators…

Ah. There it is.

My love of my fellow man is back.

Carry on.

26 comments:

Ms Sparrow said...

Thanks for the review, now I won't have to check out the (S/B Daytons) Christmas display this year. Maybe I'm prejudiced in favor of St Paul, but avoiding Minneapolis is always a good thing
as far as I'm concerned.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

A day in the life of the Elf, huh?

Anyone wearing Narya, Nenya, or Vilya?

Pearl said...

Ms. Sparrow, well not you! YOU shouldn't avoid downtown! You should COME downtown and go out to lunch with me!

Mjenks, OMG. Another geek who read the Simarillion (sp?). The Elven rings. You, sir, crack me up.

Douglas said...

My downtown consists of a cafe, a few antique and stationary shops, a barbershop, several empty stores for rent or lease, a used book store or two, a scrapbooking shop, and a gaily decorated traffic circle (enclosing a small park-like setting where one can sit and contemplate grand thoughts).

We have no need for a Skyway...

lisleman said...

so are there fellow citizens would thing you are a wimp to walk the skyways? I thought you had tunnels not skyways. Chicago has a little of both but not really enough of them in the right place.
Merry Christmas

Pearl said...

Douglas, it sounds quaint!

lisleman, I think it's Toronto that has tunnels... Nah. We have skyways, and they are an absolute joy!

Sweet Cheeks said...

I absolutely love to hear/see the angry, wailing child on the floor...and wait greedily as the exasperated parent threatens said child by yelling, "Santa doesn't come to visit evil, little children from Hell...No he doesn't. He leaves them reindeer poop these days...because coal causes holes in the ozone layer. So you'd better shape up mister!"
Yah...I love that.
=]

Pearl said...

Sweet Cheeks, I always wink at the kids. Confuses 'em!

CatLadyLarew said...

A room full of screaming kids... what a nightmare! (I'm sure our children never behaved that way.) Hope the salad bar was worth it.

Mandy's Kidding said...

Your Skyways make Minneapolis sound like Oz to me. I want Skyways (and jobs) for my city!

Pearl said...

CatLady, that salad bar is always worth it, not to mention that it's marked "All You Care To Eat". That always gets me thinking...

Mandy, that's funny you say that, because there is an approach to Minneapolis from the North that has always made me think of the approach to Oz. I do love my city!

Suzyhayze said...

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Trust. Hope the link works.

Suzyhayze said...

.com

Jimmy Bastard said...

We did our shopping in downtown Belfast today. Well... I coordinated it all by phone fae the bar, the women ran about like headless chickens for the best part of 9 hours.

I'm not a bit tired...

Suzyhayze said...

.blogspot.com

I'm hanging up now.

Jayne Martin said...

I used to love Christmas shopping in downtown San Francisco. You've made me all nostalgic now. In my little rural valley there are no crowds, big stores and not an escalator to be found. I've been to Macy's.com quite a few times, but I didn't get to see any elves...

Jeanne said...

Minneapolis must be one of the most lively downtowns left in America.

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

I'm one of the FEW St. Paul people who goes to downtown Mpls voluntarily, and fairly regularly. Used to go to Dayton's to see the annual displays, but can't bring myself to go now that it's Macy's. 'Course now I'm revealing the Dark Side of life here in Mpls-St. Paul: many of us resent the heck out of Macy's. However, if you work nearby and the salad bar is great, then what's to resent?

mapstew said...

12 floors?

We have a THREE storey department store here, though one of the floors IS the basement!

We DO have the tallest hotel in Ireland, 17 storeys, but no skyways!

(Whatcha get me in Belfast Jimmy?)

xxx

@eloh said...

I'm so busy getting dressed, just to strip down again, so I can bundle back up... such is winter weather here. waltzing around in a tank top for a couple days now back to looking like a homeless person during a blizzard in Central Park.

I'd like me some walk ways...

Kavi said...

Skywalk protection !!! Seems like a nice place. this Minneapolis ! :)

Passion said...

Come on now...you LOVE it! Every sticky finger print, every smeared counter, every screaming brat...kinda makes me glad I'm not a breeder!!!

Secretia said...

That is cold 5 degrees!
Holiday madness in spite of the weather.
The malls are rich with food smells now.

Secretia

My name is PJ. said...

I don't go to the mall anymore, ever; so you brought back many of the colorful reasons why.

People shopping while they're in 'la la land', hosing up the high heeled traffic flow? They're part of the reason I like animals better than humans.

It sure does make for a good blog post!!!

Pearl said...

Map, would it freak ya out to know that while Macy's has 12 floors, I work in the building next door on the 48th floor?! :-)

And YES, Jeanne, I do believe that Minneapolis' vibrant downtown might be one of the best examples of how it's done left in the U.S. I think Chicago's good, too... And I hear excellent things about San Antonio.

Passion, I do really dig how the kids remind me that we are getting far too serious around here. The screaming? Not a big fan, but I move a helluva lot faster than the kids -- and their not mine! -- so I can leave them behind as soon as I get a break in the traffic...

Irisheyes said...

I want to throw down a pint with Jimmy Bastard far away the the sound of children screaming. Shopping from the bar. An excellent concept. My kind of guy. I like Sweet Cheeks view on the parental response to the screaming....My kind of girl.