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Saturday, November 28, 2009

Typhoid Mary and Me

You know, having had several days on the couch/bed/floor, imagining exploding eyeballs and the possibility of preparing eggs over-easy on my forehead, I’ve come to some conclusions.

One: A truly high fever is best experienced in person. The dancing lights, the vivid dreams, the high degree of humor followed by irritability: all of these are both worrisome and entertaining in their own ways. I’ve been both one funny and one cranky SOB.

Two: Both Liza Bean Bitey (of the Minneapolis Biteys) and Dolly Gee Squeakers (formerly of the Humane Society Squeakers) are entirely in favor of my being sick, particularly if it involves me laying on the couch, covered in blankets, as it allows them to sprawl on me with impunity. It’s reassuring, in a weird sort of way, that the cats are unconcerned with the state of my health.

Three: Tamiflu, a prescription drug that both alleviates the symptoms of influenza and reduces the length of time you will have it, is my Number One pick for 2009’s Get Your Kids to Excel in Science Award; and I’d like to personally clean the house/cook for/give a full-body massage to the people responsible for it.

Four: In retrospect, I believe I became sick on Monday afternoon, which means that I was oot and aboot, as our Canadian neighbors would say, on both Tuesday and Wednesday, knowing I didn’t feel good, spreading the love and/or contagion. See, people? This is how plagues start: hard-working morons like me convinced that the world will stop turning if I don’t get on the bus and go to work. Minneapolis/St. Paul, you have my heartfelt apology.

Health coming back, and lesson learned.

I hope my next lesson isn’t quite so painful.

21 comments:

Jimmy Bastard said...

Take time out in bed with a huge pile of dvd's, whisky, and chicken soup.

Maybe get Mr Pearl to give you a good oul back rub as well.

ellen abbott said...

Glad you are on the mend. And you can't blame yourself for those insidious viruses that are most contagious before you even know they have made themselves at home.

Amber Star said...

Those fever dreams are sort of like living The Big Lebowski. It is miserable. Glad your brand of flu wasn't tamiflu resistant and you are feeling better. Good old chicken soup, if you can get it helps a lot...so do drugs...the doctor kind.

Beth said...

Having the flu just stinks. I'm glad you are feeling better. And I'm impressed you have such a sense of humor about the whole ordeal.

Ms Sparrow said...

Take care of yourself! We need you and your day brighteners to sustain our dreary lives.

Brian Miller said...

glad you are feeling better...or at least can find a small ray of humor in it.

kimber p said...

feelin' ya clear over here in Ohio, Pearl. Sick as sick can be and no room in my swollen sinuses for even the tiniest of breaths...

I'b biserable.

Get well soon buddy, and pass a tissue, will ya? *sniff*

CatLadyLarew said...

Why is it we don't allow ourselves to be sick until we're at death's doorstep? Must be the "Midwest Martyr" upbringing! Hope the Tamiflu keeps working!

Jayne Martin said...

Even sick as hell, you manage to compose a witty, well-written post. I, on the other hand, am perfectly healthy, the sky is blue, slight breeze out of the north, and I can't think of a damn thing. I going to get me some of that Tamiflu.

Pop and Ice said...

Tamiflu is great. It reduced my daughter's flu symptoms significantly, although it was four years ago. However, we still have two boxes of Tamiflu, unexpired, just in case anyone in the family happens to get the flu this year. But since we've had both the seasonal and H1N1 vaccines, I'm hoping we'll be lucky again this season.

Hope you are feeling back up to snuff soon and glad the cats were there with you throughout your suffering.

Douglas said...

The virus bugs seep inside your brain (thus giving you those entertaining dreams) and coax you into having as close a contact as is socially acceptable so they can spread out among the population. We are nothing more than vessels.

Madame DeFarge said...

At least illness can still be a learning experience. For the rest of us, if not for you. Hope you continue to get better.

Passion said...

The cats are just waiting for you to die so they can tuck in...
Nice to have you back among the living Pearl

Leah said...

Oh, feel better, and then better still!! I had the flu two years ago, and man, was it an experience...

Not The Rockefellers said...

so glad you are on the mend...
and you're right, those fever dreams are unbelievable!

Peace~Rene

Gigi said...

Glad to hear you are on the upswing. The cats however, are pissed. They were enjoying having the run of the house (and you).

WrathofDawn said...

Glad to hear you're feeling better. The flu, it is ghastly.

Perhaps you can solve a mystery for me. I hear Americans say "I was oot and aboot, as our Canadian neighbors would say..." and...

I have lived in Canada lo these 53 years and I have never, ever heard a fellow Canuck say "oot" instead of "out." Aboot where in my beloved Canuckistan do these legendary oddly accented people live? I would truly like to know.

Answers on a postcard to the usual address, plz.

Joanie M said...

(Knock wood) I haven't had the flu in years.

Glad you're on the mend now!

lisleman said...

high fever = weird dreams = good posts
get better soon

Kavi said...

Glad your health is on the way back. Really glad ! Am not sure if the bus missed you.

But i sure would miss the posts if they dont come in on time !

Get well soon. Completely that is.

The Jules said...

Check your house for viruses so you don't get reinfected. Common sites are the airing cupboard, the attic and behind the skirting boards.

Actually, there's a possibility that I could be getting viruses and mice mixed up again, although I haven't done that since I tried to cure hepatitis with a snap trap.