You've been introduced, yes?
Liza Bean Bitey (of the Minneapolis Biteys) is a small, symmetrically-striped puss, a cat I often find reaching a clever paw toward my dinner plate. At five pounds, Liza Bean is a bird/mouse/bug killer of the first water, the kind of cat that makes you think both "They're both attractive and efficient" and "Much bigger than she is and she'd have to be registered as a weapon".
Liza Bean is one of those neat, tidy cats, a cat who remembers when cats were gods and yet has come to terms with her fall in status.
Liza Bean's been on my computer lately. I can always tell when she has by the water bowl near the keyboard, the catnip laid out in neat little lines.
It appears that the cat is looking for a job.
I must say, her resume is impressive.
I've cut-and-pasted it here for your pleasure:
Liza Bean Bitey
PO Box 114
Minneapolis MN 55413
Summary of Qualifications:
- Drove a taxi in college -- highly familiar with area roads.
- Worked as an unlicensed plumber from '04 to '05. Have been cleared of all charges related to the Margarita hot tub incident.
- Short order cook in the late 90s. Ask me about my Potatoes a la Schultz!
- Walk-on part of Cat #2 in Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels.
- Positively motivated cat with an affinity for playful poses, chasing things straight up a wall, and tugging at your earrings in the middle of the night.
- Experienced in pest removal (up to and including family members, unwanted guests, and those of the bug persuasion).
- Excellent claw-eye coordination.
- Dependable, flexible, and able to maintain a sense of humor under pressure.
I mean, there's no call in adding things to the grocery list if you're not going to chip in for them. "The good shrimp" my Aunt Fanny!