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Tuesday, November 24, 2009

In Case It’s a Three-Dog Night; or I Worry About You, Baby

Have you winterized your car yet?

Oh, sure. Everyone knows about winter-weight oil, about checking your tires and replacing your windshield wipers; but have you considered how well appointed your trunk is?

A pile of flannels, the snowmobile boots, the sensible hat with the ear flaps? Sure. Who doesn’t have those things?

And I’m sure we all grew up with the idea that a lighted candle in an old coffee can is sufficient to throw a little heat in your average four-door, so you’ve got that old Folgers can back there as well.

Jumper cables, rope, a battery-operated radio, these are all desirable items as well; and if they aren’t in your car, then I’m sure you’re in the process of pulling it all together.

You just look like the type to me.

But I’m concerned that you’ve not considered the finer points of enforced car squatting.

Have you considered the “Go for Help! I’ve Run Out of Cigarettes!” sign you’re going to need? Because if your car gets stuck in the ditch during a blizzard, you are definitely running out of cigarettes.

And lipstick. You’re going to need lipstick. Once that candle in the coffee can gutters out, you’re going to start to turn blue. Not many people can carry off that look.

Speaking of which, you might wish you had a harmonica with you. When People magazine gets a hold of your I-was-trapped-in-a-car-during-a–blizzard story, you’re going to regret not having worked out the specifics of that blues song you were humming.

Oh, and that reminds me. At some point you are going to wish that you had packed a pint or two of schnapps in your car. Schnapps is a wonderful and warming thing – no matter how false that sense of warmth is – but I would advise against this, as it leads to actually drinking it, which in turn may lead to over-the-top expressions of gratitude when the good-looking tow truck guy pulls you out of the ditch later.

And that’s awkward.

And winter isn’t about being awkward.

It’s about being prepared to be stranded somewhere.

29 comments:

Secretia said...

That's good advice. I'll check my trunk!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Secretia

unfinishedrambler said...

While I can't concur with the cigarettes sign, since I don't smoke, I think the schnapps idea sounds like a good idea. And I'm not really worried if he's good looking or not, since I'm a heterosexual. :)

Brian Miller said...

lol. that was awesome...working on my harmonica skills now...happy thanksgiving...

Pearl said...

Secretia, I'm just thinking of you, baby.

Unfinishedrambler, I actually haven't had a cigarette in almost six weeks but if I find myself up to my axles in snow, I might just wish I had one!

Brian, thanks. :-) And you just never know when the blues harmonica will come in handy!

Elliott said...

I thought the schnapps were a year-round midwestern accessory - at least they were in WI. And yes, I always had the thick blanket, extra jacket, sweater and gloves, shovel, cables, water and some protein-rich snacks back there.

That just seems excessive in Florida now, though.

Daffy said...

I'm all about the harmonica and Schnapps...really, that's all you need. I may have to 'accidently' get stuck if I have the possibility of a hot tow-truck driver. Whoot!

Pearl said...

Daffy, sounds like SOMEone's got plans for the weekend!! :-D

Pearl said...

Elliott -- whoops. Missed you.
What do people keep in their cars in FL? Sunscreen? Emergency swim trunks?

Elliott said...

Actually, I do have a can of spray-sunscreen rolling around the back of Lori's truck, and we usually have a few bottles of water and a towel, but I've gotten out of the habit of keeping emergency supplies in my car, since I drive main roads to work and back.

But I'm pretty sure I still have an ice scraper in both vehicles...

Beth said...

Sounds like a lot of work. Maybe that is why I live in the land of no snow.

Still, we have to watch for those tow guys. They are a different breed from regular folk.

Kevin Musgrove said...

Don't forget the sack of charcoal so that you can turn the roof rack into a nifty roadkill barbecue.

Tamsin said...

A friend and I once spent 9 hours trapped in his 1987 Toyota Camry in one of those lovely Utah mountains snow storms. I think we both realized that not wanting to murder someone when you're trappedin a confined space with nothing to eat and no bathroom was nothing to sneeze at, so less than a year later, my friend was my husband.

Kavi said...

Sometimes i ask if its the same planet ! Where we have such winters. And the other winters like her in Mumbai where it will be bearably hot ! And not unbearably hot as in summer !!

Enjoy the time ! With those interesting signboards !

:)

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

Schnapps and a harmonica...wouldn't have thought of those. But I can see how they would clearly make and break-down situation more tolerable!

Kurt said...

I thought the first line of this post was "Have you winterized your CAT yet" and I never really got over it. Sorry. I totally have by the way.

Guillermo de la Varner said...

I like this.

Jocelyn said...

I guess the only edit I'd make here would be to suggest Snowshoe Grog instead of Schnapps.

Oh, and to admit I have very few actual safety items in my trunk, but I do think there's a loose can of Diet Dr. Pepper rolling around back there.

Red Squirrel said...

If I include a crate of beer then I'll find a reason to get stuck in snow.

I'm only thinking of my heart y'see...

LucyCooper said...

Hot Tamales will also give you a false sense of warmth, and give you a gut bomb, which will stave off hunger.

Jayne Martin said...

Unfortunately, piled high in my trunk is all the stuff I have no place for in my house. Tell me... will that old fish aquarium come in handy?

lisleman said...

I think the best way to "winterize" your car is to point it south and start driving.
Blues - there's a few of them about Memphis (where you might NOT need to worry about the snow)
here's one
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OuHPffTPu5I

Jeanie said...

I think lisleman has the right idea, but for those of us who have jobs or some such that keeps us where we are, your suggestions are duly noted.

Carol said...

Did somebody call for the Dr?
Long winters without a shot of Dr's is just criminal in these parts... Standard issue for weatherization.

Mr. Knucklehead said...

Feh. I live in So Cal. "Winterizing the car" means turning the A/C down to "low".

Pop and Ice said...

I have a hard enough time getting my kids to wear freakin gloves when they go out in winter. I warn them, one day you will be stranded and you took no heed to my warnings....and they don't care. At least I have insurance on them.

Douglas said...

Let's see... in my trunk are my golf clubs, two pair of golf shoes, a couple of small towels, extra golf balls, a bungee cord or two, and one of those insulated bags you can carry frozen or hot foods in (great for keeping that picked up pizza hot all the way home). I am covered for any emergency here in Florida. When I was a teen, I kept a blanket in the trunk for emergency trips to the beach with a date. Oh, and I learned to pack a shovel to dig my car out of the sand.

My name is PJ. said...

My mother used to always preach, "Dress as though you may have to walk." She did, however,leave out the candle and Folgers can bit!

prashant said...

I warn them, one day you will be stranded and you took no heed to my warnings

Work from home India

Suzy said...

I love that story! And it's why I live in Southern California. I grew up on the East coast and no more winters for me.