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Tuesday, October 27, 2009

I Gotta Million of 'Em

I’ve got a great idea for a game show, one I’ve patterned on my life and the lives of the people around me. I’m quite sure that this is, as we say in Minnesota, a “big wiener”, so we should probably hug and say our good-byes now, as I expect I’ll soon be hounded by TV execs and find myself at parties sipping tiny margaritas out of Johnny Depp’s navel...

I'm sorry. Where was I?

Oh, yes. The game show.

You ready? Here it comes.

The show is called “They Never Saw It Coming”. The premise is that of the people in the room, at least one of them is lying to you – can you tell which one? Each segment of the show has a definite solid clue in it as to what you should do or who you can trust. The whole show lies in observation, with each level or segment taking you to the “center” where you are given a change to win Big Money based on a question that should be answerable from the previous situations/questions.

It starts out easy, of course. All you have to do is observe. Look at that man’s shifty eyes! Why does he seem nervous? And why does that woman laugh at everything you say? You’re not that funny. Check your purse – is your wallet still in it?

So what would be an example of an easy first round?

“Excuse me, ma’am? Do you have fifty cents? My kids are hungry, and I want to take them to McDonald’s.”

Now why is this an easy question?

Because no man should be approaching me to feed his kids, especially at McDonald’s. Offer him an apple. Next question.

You’ve received a call from the mechanic working on your car. He needs your credit card as it seems that part of your problem is that you are low on blinker fluid and you’re going to need your head gasket rotated. Oh, and you see that? Behind that pulley? Those reluctors go out and are a bitch to replace. Very sensitive instruments, those.

So what do you do?

If you wish to proceed to the next round, you tell him you’ll be by to pick up your car within the hour. Everyone knows that the problem is with the lug-nut gap. Besides, when's the last time you cleaned your windshield? That's going to affect performance as well.

It’ll take work, of course; but I think I’m on to a winner.

Now who wants to play “They Never Saw It Coming”?


And as a quick aside, a big “thank you” and an automatic boost to the second stage of “They Never Saw It Coming” to Daffy for the Honest Scrap Award. Thanks, baby!

17 comments:

Lee the Hot Flash Queen said...

I think it should be with kids and lies...

Irish Gumbo said...

What?! Why, I never...Hmmmph, that's the last time I'll them rotate MY head gasket...pervs...

CatLadyLarew said...

I have naturally squinty eyes and I laugh at everything anybody says, so people are always suspicious of me. Would that make me a good contestant or a bad one?

Pearl said...

Lee, there's plenty of room for improvement here!

Irish, call me next time someone tries to rotate your gasket. :-)

CatLady, you would make a most excellent contestant. :-) Already I'm rooting for you!

Irisheyes said...

Holy Hanna, I drifted into a pleasant daydream for a few seconds after the bit about Johnny Depp's navel...Good one Pearl, I have a feeling no one will play you for a sucka anytime soon!!

powdergirl said...

Its when they try to sell me a new triangulating volt disconnection valve that I start getting all, "you jackin' me, bro? "on their asses.

You know? thats a sealed unit, so you can't just by the valve, you gotta replace the whole damn unit!

Oh, yeah, I'm ready to play.

I'm ready to show them why you don't play a playah.

Douglas said...

How is this different than Sunday morning "issue" shows with politicians for guests?

mrwriteon said...

You've got a winner here. What network are you thinking of putting it on? Oh, and please, no Howie farking Mandell, OK?

Mari said...

Thanks for stopping at my blog! I'll sign up to play the game. I'd do poorly though - I tend to be gullible!

Madame DeFarge said...

But if they cancel the show because of poor ratings, would it live up to its title?

Lynn said...

You are hysterical!
I wanna play!

Matty said...

I wouldn't make it out of the first round.

Oh My Goddess said...

I'd fail.
I never could guess right on to tell the truth either.

tattytiara said...

I actually help design game shows for live events, and that's not bad at all! I'd be tempted to run it, but the contestants would have to be pretty sober to understand the rules and my contestants are often a very far cry from sober.

lisleman said...

Down here in Illinois we have an ex-governor willing to play. His hair alone will boost the ratings. Let me know if you want to buy a seat next to him.

Lauren said...

I think you've got something here. I feel like I played this game a lot when I lived in Vegas. So yeah, I'm totally up for this. Bring it on!

Secretia said...

See you on CBS, next fall.