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Saturday, October 3, 2009

The First Annual Crockpot-tastic We’re-Gonna-Need-Some-Power-Strips Chili Invitational

With Fall well and truly here, Minnesotans turn to ways to keep warm: woolen sweaters, cars with heaters, fight-to-the-death chili competitions…

Set for Saturday, October 17th, on the second and third floors of the Throckmorton Palatial Estate, AKA Pearl and Willie’s house, the rules to the upcoming contest are simple.

  1. One chili entry per person. No, wait. Two. Two chili entries per person.
  2. OK. I don’t really care how many entries per person. You want to bring more than one crockpot of chili, what do I care?
  3. Crockpots should be labeled with the contestant’s name and the name of the chili.
  4. Insisting that the name of your chili is, say, “Steve”, will result in your being asked to slam a beer. I’m sorry. Them’s the rules.
  5. Condiments will be provided: saltines, corn bread, sour cream, cheese, green onions.
  6. Chilis will be numbered, voted on, and prizes awarded in the first two hours of the party.
  7. Awards will be presented under the following categories: Spiciest, AKA “Exit Wound”; Best Flavor Overall; and Most Original. Best Flavor Overall comes with a modified trophy purchased at Goodwill that will probably require a rider on your home insurance policy, that’s how cool it is.
  8. The intention has been set that Best Flavor Overall is a “traveling” trophy. In other words, “No Keepsies”. It’ll be like the Stanley Cup, only much smaller. And tackier.
  9. Should any chili give you an erection lasting more than four hours, see a physician, as this may be a sign of a serious complication.

That seems like everything, doesn’t it? What am I missing?

23 comments:

the fly in the web said...

Thank you for 'exit wound'...this will now replace 'ring of fire' in my descriptions of recipe results.

Janie at Sounding Forth said...

Oh, wow, that sounds like fun!

What a great idea. What time do we need to arrive?

IB said...

"Exit Wound": Classic.

Oh My Goddess said...

You Minnesotans really know how to have a good time.

Erections? From chili? Tee hee, that's crazy!

CatLadyLarew said...

Boy, the idea of a chili fest warms the cockles of my heart! Wish I could be there. (Maybe you should have a "cockles of my heart" award for the chili that causes erections lasting more than four hours.)

Nicolasa said...

This sounds awesome! Have fun!

Not The Rockefellers said...

You are missing me...I wanna be there

and uh..I'll take a dixie cup of that last chili you mentioned.

purely for scientific reasons :)

Peace - Rene

pilgrimchick said...

Cool. We're more chower-cookoff people out here in New England, although you gave me a fabulous idea for a meal for the week.

Nicolasa said...

I left you something on my blog! :-)

The Jules said...

Oh man I'm drooling AND I've got an erection!

Actually, that's about normal for me, but I also fancy a chili.

powdergirl said...

"Exit wound" if I had a penis, that bit of genius would have given me an erection that that lasted for days.

Red Squirrel said...

I so want to submit an entry in the 'Exit Wound' category. I think I'd be in with a chance :)

ellen abbott said...

I'm with Rene, you are missing me. Open invitations to out of staters should come with airplane tickets.

Under the Influence said...

Now THAT sounds like fun!

Douglas said...

To paraphrase Jack Nicholson...

"You can't handle Faye's chili!"
I know I can't. I would send some up for the chili cookoff but there isn't time to get the toxic substances shipping permits and the proper protective packing material (it's been a real chore doing that since asbestos got outlawed).

Let's just say her chili has been known to clear up chronic sinus conditions... and the occasional brain tumor.

Kevin Musgrove said...

...anyone handling an erection within four hours of a chili...

Joanna Jenkins said...

What a fabulous idea!!!! Your rules crack me up :-)
I might try a party like this too! My friends are great cooks :-)
xo

@eloh said...

Now I'm hungry for chili. I wonder at what time of year it is safe to buy chili from a Wendy's? I don't want a big bowl of the runs left over from last season.

Phoenix said...

wow.. sounds a lot of fun!

DevilsHeaven said...

My calendar may be wrong, but it says the 14th of Oct is a Wednesday. You could end up with more chili than you wanted for those who come on the 14th and those who come on Saturday, the 17th.

Pearl said...

Dagnabit, you're right!!! It's Saturday the 17th!

Jodie Kash said...

Ohhhhsss, I make a mean chili. Mostly meat, light on beans and a recipe from an ole Texan I met my first day in corporate America.

Oh, and try Tostitos or the tortilla chip of your likening as the chili delivery system.

R. Jacob said...

rule number nine? how funny