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Friday, September 11, 2009

Just An Old Fashioned Girl

Having been forced, merely from a pocketbook standpoint, to give up a number of things I enjoyed intermittently, I now realize why the rich seem to look better for longer.

Except, of course, if they’ve had Botox, implants of almost any sort, or cosmetic surgery where something’s been stuffed, stretched, or hoisted. Then they just look freaky and serve as entertaining warnings to us all.

No, my friends. I refer specifically to the relaxing benefits of massages, facials, pedicures.

These things should be accessible to the masses, should they not?

And this is why I’m organizing a labor swap.

Hear me out!

While there are essential oils, scents, scrubs, and specially designed chairs and tables for these sorts of things, surely we could arrange for some sort of swap wherein one person makes a lovely roast in exchange for having their feet buffed, their nails painted?

What’s that? Why yes, I’m serious!

Because you know what we have on our hands, folks? Look around you. Look closely. You know what I see?

Frowns. Stooped backs. Rough feet. And perhaps the worst of all: Recession brows.

There are some things you just don’t care to do yourself.

Why, surely one can pluck one’s own eyebrows, you say!

Surely one can, I say, if one wants to end up drawing them in later in life with a special pencil or one doesn’t mind looking surprised for a couple months. And don’t call me Shirley!

I don’t know. It’s just an idea I’m toying with.

And rest assured this isn’t the only idea I have.

I’m full of ‘em.

26 comments:

Maelstrom said...

I'll grind your toenails with my dremel for a roast.

ellen abbott said...

Sounds like a great idea to me.

Organic Meatbag said...

I'm still pretty sure I'd rather have the stooped back than to look like Joan Rivers....her face looks pretty much like a cat's ass...

darsden said...

LMAO at Maelstrom!

Gigi said...

From what I understand bartering is becoming a big deal over hear. I'm just not sure how one goes about propositioning the other party. I'd love to barter with my hairstylist. Maybe I'll ask him next time I'm in.

Ms Sparrow said...

Excellent idea! When can we start?

Pat said...

My bookkeeper friend swaps doing her hairstylist's bookkeeping for getting her hair styled regularly. It's a small town.

In my 20s I broke down and attacked my eyebrows so as to no longer have a unibrow and I've never looked back.

*mary* said...

Barter is the way to go. It would people to actually learn a useful skill.

Jodie Kash said...

Massages, facials and pedicures should be part of Obama's healthcare plan. Or...wait...are they?

Diane said...

I'm in. But I won't touch ANYONE'S feet... not even for a 2-hour massage (my idea of heaven). And I have to warn you, when I do my own nails, they look like someone with palsy painted them. And I don't really cook. Hmmmm... I'm not really looking good for this whole swap thing, am I? I seem to be more of a taker. I'll think of something, though... I'm sure I have SOMETHING to swap... I must... right? I'm going to clean out the garage... maybe there's something lurking there...

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

I'll make you a nice roast, and I won't even make you get near my feet.

Susan said...

Recession brows!! I'm dying here...!!!

Comedy Goddess said...

Funnily enough, I have been a licensed massage therapist since '94. I have bartered, but somehow cash is still king.

unfinishedrambler said...

How far are you willing to travel for this because I don't think you live nearby me, do you? But if you're up for a trip, sure. I'm sure I can think of something. :)

Suzy said...

I've had lots of plastic surgery (nose, eyes, botox, restylane, gortex) and I don't look weird or stretched or pulled. But I went to top of the line surgeons in NY and LA. Not sure I'd have my eyes done in Detroit, no offense to Detroit.

Ange said...

How much massagin' can I get for a bucket of carrots?

f8hasit said...

Sounds like the makings of a Pearlslist...
Hey, the Craigslist guy is on the cover of Wired this month, you'll be the spokesperson for Blogger.
Sweet!
Count me in...I'm in for the pedi.
:-)

Douglas said...

My sister, when she was younger and much less wrinkly and decrepit, was a model. She modeled bikinis, bathing suits, and beach attire at a fine motel in Sunny Isles, Florida, that was owned by the Teamsters (wink, wink). You know where it is said that women have to put on their face in the morning? Well, I am here to affirm that it is actually true in my sister's case. When she woke in the morning, she had no eyebrows whatsoever. She had lips so pale they blended into her facial tone (a pale milky nothingness). She had no eyelashes. But, in only a short hour during which no one else could get into the only bathroom, she would emerge with the face of a Kabuki performer. I only noticed on those days when I had not been doing the Pee-Pee dance for the prior 30 minutes.

Green-Eyed Momster said...

I'm thinking about having my eyebrows tattooed on. Then, I want some color tattooed onto my lips. I think they're getting more pale with age.

Can't wait to hear more of your ideas!

Hugs!!

Michelle said...

Hello Pearly-Q!!! How the heck are ya?

I miss you so much and I am so so sorry about not commenting. I am a bad girl being MIA!!!

I will give you a pedicure if you cook me some marinated tofu and give me a beer!! Pumpkin ale please?

Joanna Jenkins said...

I'm am totally up for a swap. I make a mean meatloaf i'll trade for a massage :-)
Great idea!
xo

Chris@Maugeritaville said...

How's your banana cream pie?

Kate Coveny Hood said...

I have to admit...I do my own eyebrows and pedicures by choice (which is a good thing since I can't afford the stylists anyway). I just think I do a better job than any of the professionals ever had.

BUT I am with you when it comes to anything skin and anti-aging related.

I'd also like a nose job...but that's another story.

I make an amazing chocolate cake if you know any good rhinoplasty specialists.

The Jules said...

I did use to shave my own head, but got told to stop it after old ladies crossed the road to avoid me.

I once blogged agbout bartering when I spotted a pub doing it near where I ived.

Shameless Plug: http://gravelfarm.blogspot.com/2009/06/order-of-barter_14.html

Madame DeFarge said...

I'm not sure what I'd offer someone by way of labour. I could pluck out offending nostril hairs and ear hairs, having had some practice at that. I'd like someone to live one half of my life, so that I have more time for me.

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