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Monday, September 14, 2009

Flies Gone Wild

Saturday night was the fifth annual Kegger in the Woods, an all-night festival of grilled food, tables of salads, dips, desserts and condiments, dogs, toddlers and children (until the grandmas take them away at 9:00, anyway), and, as my favorite fig-filled pastry used to say, “here’s the tricky part”: a 16-gallon keg.

Mmmm. Keg beer.

You hear that? That humming sound? No worries, mate. That’s my brain, post-party, absorbing the life-sustaining nutrients found in ice-cold Diet Coke.

I’ll be fine. Fine!

And today’s writing will in no way reflect what may or may not be a bit of a hangover.

So! Having talked around a fire until 3:00 with other late-night folks, laughed until my face hurt and slept in a tent for the first time in five years, what stands out the most?

Flies.

Jesus Martha, have you been in the woods lately?

Minnesota has had an unseasonably warm September so far, and a new crop of flies has appeared, hungry and legion.

Would you believe two of the little buggers actually landed on the picnic table in front of me – right in front of me! – humped incredibly quickly and then took off without so much as an “excuse me”?

What?!

It broke my little world wide open.

Why have I never considered their tiny little urges?

And more importantly, if I’ve failed to consider the sex lives of flies, what else have I missed?

27 comments:

Jess said...

Flies! Don't say that word. BAD. WORD. Those flies' cousins have moved into our house...the dreaded fruit fly! They are indistructable! I eagerly await winter!!!

Pearl said...

Sorry, Jess! :-) Wishing many fly-less moments in your near future!

♥ Braja said...

"Jesus Martha" and "No worries mate" in the same post?

Bewdiful :)))

Pearl said...

Braja! That's what I get for sitting next to Jen and Vin at the fire. :-)

The Jules said...

I bet they weren't THAT quick.

Green-Eyed Momster said...

I've never been camping because of the summers I spent in MN. The mosquitoes used to bite me until I felt as if I'd donated blood for reals...

Flies humping? I've never seen that before...Didn't know they even did that before today! ;)

Thanks Pearl! I hope your day is fly free!

mapstew said...

Pesky flies!

I saw a book a couple of days ago, (actually took a pic of it) called 'Camping For Boys'!
Even had a drawing of a guy in scout gear with his hands on his hips!
Scary!

xxx

Pearl said...

Jules, are you suggesting that in their little fly world it was actually an epic love-making session? Or is it something deeper? :-)

Green-Eyed Momster, turns out you're about to get tagged tomorrow. :-) Sorry about that.

mapstew, oh, now I have that figure in my head. "Camping for Boys!" I can hear the scout master's hale voice from here!

SPEAKING FROM THE CRIB said...

i have always found flies to be pesky, inconsiderate, and a little nosy to be quite honest. it takes me by no surprise that they flaunted their blatant sexuality right beside your egg salad.

Douglas said...

A number of things come to mind... It's an annual Kegger in the Woods but you have not slept in a tent for 5 years? What happened on the other 4 nights (this being the 5th Annual...)?

Leave the flies alone. They live... what?... a week? What would you do if you only lived a week? One big orgy, I suspect. I would anyway.

You should have played some romantic music for them.

CatLadyLarew said...

I spent a lot of summers in Minnesota watching dragonflies copulate on the deck. The flies were usually too busy trying to bite me to take time out for sex. They were even worse than the mosquitos some years... and that's saying a lot!

powdergirl said...

And fruit flies Pearl, where the hell do they come from?

Also, the snoring. Snoring should be a proper defense in any court-room spousal slaying trial. You should just have to say "he snored" and pof, your get-outta-jail-free card" magically materializes.

@eloh said...

I've seen flies fly getting their groove on.

I get my groove on when I can sneak up on them and squash them in their moment...I get all giddy and proud that I have potentially removed hundreds of flies with one swat.

Pearl said...

Speaking from the Crib, :-) You are absolutely right!

Douglas, oh, it might be the fifth annual, but this is the first time I’ve gone. Was invited to the others but there’s always something happening. As for the hard lives and times of flies, you have swayed me. :-) As a matter of fact, all beings should – health permitting – receive an orgy upon news of their impending demise. Think we can add that to the health plan?

CatLadyLarew, MN just seems to be the Land of the Humpin’ Bug. Wait a minute now – isn’t that on our license plates?! Shoot. Now I have to go check on that…

Powdergirl, there are no such things as fruit flies. Those are stray imaginative thoughts. No one knows why they prefer bananas to our heads…
I’m glad we see eye to eye on the snoring question. :-D

@eloh, well that’s just plain efficient, really.

Not The Rockefellers said...

I love that you made reference to the "big fig newton" dance...it's good, darn tootin'

Jeezum the flies around here in NH..big as crows but reeeeal slow this time of the year.

Frog bait.

Peace - Rene

That Baldy Fella said...

Mmmm, beer. OK, not my most insightful of comments but I stand by it.

A Mom on Spin said...

There's nothing quite like the restorative and healing powers of a Diet Coke after a long night of partying!

the fly in the web said...

Do not move to rural France. Do not, if you must move there, live within a mile of any farm. You will not enjoy it.
I think they have grants to breed the things.

Pearl said...

Rene, you and me, the Fig Newton Dance, tomorrow at high noon. :-D

Baldy Fella, sometimes, “Mmmm Beer” is all that’s required. Shhh. Shhh.

Mom on Spin, especially if it comes in one of those frozen glasses!

Fly in the Web, is that right? You know, I don’t normally object to many bugs (other than the wily and elusive millipede) but mid-September in Minnesota is NOT the time for bugs. We DID our bugs. Now they must die. But it’s been unseasonably warm here – not that it was warm this summer. Oh, noooooo. Summer was cool and dry. And now? It’s been 15 degrees warmer than usual for the last two weeks. Hence the tiny, horny flies…

ellen abbott said...

16 gal keg? I'm surprised they could still fly.

tentativeequinox said...

When I first read the title of this post I read "Files Gone Wild."

Which come to think of it also sounds like a perfect Pearl blog post.

You're welcome.

otin said...

Fly porn?? Can I find that on a fetish site??

Chris@Maugeritaville said...

First post I've ever read about bug sex. Congrats.

Kavi said...

Flies. They perhaps came for the nutrients in the iced diet coke !

But you slept in a tent ? How wonderful would that be ? I havent done that in a long while..

Jocelyn said...

Clearly, you've never considered that flies might have crabs, then.

The flies are astonishing. Fruit flies are one thing (there were ten dead ones in the margerita my husband made me last week before I got to the point of taking the first sip), but this newest hatching of fly-flies is too much.

Carol said...

Thank you for leaving such a lovely comment on my blog!!

Hope you have recovered from the 'May or may not be' Hangover and the randy flies :-)

C x

Dominik_Riley-Fraon said...

I love you Pearl!! This is the only blog I have ever read! Just found out from mom that it is you!! :)