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Thursday, September 10, 2009

Bring Me A Rock

Wheeeeeeeeeee! Here it is again, my Friday, AKA Thursday, the day that the songs I hear on my morning commute magically serve as a precursor to the weekend.

What? You don't do that?!

O Mighty iPod! Should I bother leaving the house?

LDN by Lily Allen
Ace of Spades by Motorhead
Politician by Cream
Shore Leave by Tom Waits
Friend Like Me, Lite by Wayne Bergeron
Los Angeles by Frank Black
Easy by Faith No More

Yes! Yes, says the iPod! Leave the house! Go to the Kegger in the Woods, pitch a tent and drink until you’re clever!

As a quick aside, I really am going to an event called “The Kegger in the Woods”. I’ll try to take notes, but if they’re anything like the last time I tried to take notes at a party (“frippen on the ritley!” – never did figure out what that meant) it’s best we just agree that everyone had a good time.

Honestly, this particular party couldn’t come soon enough.

Why, you say?

One of the reasons I work – aside from the need to keep a roof over my head or eat food that I have not found in the streets – is the analytical flexibility said working fosters.

I enjoy a good puzzle.

What would I be doing, after all, if I wasn’t wracking my brain trying to figure out what the hell was just said to me?

If I’m not translating some garbled, handwritten note into English or using my supernatural powers to get you direct flights every time you travel regardless of dates, length of time between the decision to travel and the actual date of travel or company policy regarding what constitutes reasonable and unreasonable fares, then I’m playing a game that I like to call “Bring Me A Rock”.

It goes a little something like this:

Boss: Hey, no rush, but if you could bring me a rock, that would be great.
Me: How soon do you need it?
Boss, looking at watch: Well, it’s 4:00 p.m. now. If I could have it in the next hour or so?
Me: OK.

Five minutes later:
Me: Got you a rock!
Boss, inspecting rock: Do you have a bigger one?

Five minutes later:
Me: Bigger rock!
Boss: Can you get it in gray?

And already I’m wising up, which is why I get the many benefits (ie, hourly pay and my own chair) that I do.

Me: Are there any other properties that this rock needs?
Boss: No, no.

I don’t believe him, of course, but what can I do?

I depart the corner office , clutching my chest and pondering stress-related coronaries at work.

Five minutes later:
Me: Here it is! A fairly large, gray rock. Anything else?
Boss: Can you get five more of them? If they could be in my hands by the end of the day, that would be great.

That would be great, wouldn’t it? As an old friend used to say, I’m going to get on that just as soon as I get back from Chicago…

Have a great weekend, everyone.


darsden said...

Oh My doesn't he already have 2 rocks ;-) too funny and Happy Weekend Pearl.

Pearl said...

Oh, but can we ever have enough rocks?! :-) Have a good one, Dar!

Christine Gram said...

I can only imagine what you might like to tell him to do with those rocks.

ellen abbott said...

Can you come work for me? That way, I can send you into the house three times to get the one thing I need and keep getting distracted from and only remember what it was once I'm back in the shop.

Pearl said...

Christine, I like the man, but communication is not his strong suit!

Ellen, can we be at the beach, like in your photo? We can? Then yes. Yes, I will work for you.

Anonymous said...

You have captured the dilemma of the travel-booker-on-behalfer-of-others perfectly. "PERFECTLY!" I say.

The day I can make someone else go find rocks for me will be a happy day indeed. However, I will be enchanted with the first rock brung to me. Mark my words.

Pearl said...

tentativeequinox, I would be happy to bring you a rock. :-)

powdergirl said...

Nope, you can never have enough rocks.

"frippin on the ritley"

Trippin' on the Ritalin? It's like a kegger in the woods, but much more focused.

Kevin Musgrove said...

"I know you asked for a rock but I've decided I'd much rather give you a cucumber sandwich."

Works for me. They still do the "bring me a rock" game but we both know who's really in charge of the rules.

KMcJoseph said...

I gib you a rok! Rite upside yo head!

A Mom on Spin said...

My boss is more like. . .Will you bring me a rock . . .and then, when I get it,I find he has asked ten other people to bring him the same rock.


Kavi said...

Just yesterday we were having a conversation about how 'rock' has achieved a new meaning.

'You Rock' in the olden times would have meant a stone hearted man. Or woman.

Now...it is an adjective. And used mostly in that context.

How our times change.

Gadjo Dilo said...

Lulu, I've tagged you on my blog.

Douglas said...

I take offense. But not severely. You see, way back in 1977, I foolishly turned my return trip airline ticket over to the clerks at the office in Atlanta. After all, I was assured, they had a direct connection to SABRE and could easily change the date for my return trip (as the company school I was attending was ending a week early due to massive boredom or something). All other fellow travelers received their tickets by the next morning... but not me. Another day elapsed... I was urged to be patient. Another day went by and decided Ha! I will call the airline myself! And so I did and found "I" was stuck in Dallas with no available seats on connecting flights and had been there for three days. I then inquired if there any NS flights from Atlanta to San Diego on the desired day and was informed "Of course! And with lots of seats available."

Need I say more?

Cassie said...

What? LOL Did he ever explain what he needed these rocks for?

Stopping by from BPOTW!

bettyl said...

If we could just learn to live without that pesky roof and eating every day think of all the people we would never meet!

Gadjo Dilo said...

Oops, I mean Pearl, I've tagged you :-(