I've contributed to perhaps the best humor compilation I've ever read. Available now on Amazon!

My second chapbook, "The Second Book of Pearl: The Cats" is now available as either a paper chapbook or as a downloadable item. See below for the Pay Pal link or click on its cover just to the right of the newest blog post to download to your Kindle, iPad, or Nook. Just $3.99 for inspired tales of gin, gambling addiction and inter-feline betrayal.

My first chapbook, I Was Raised to be A Lert is in its third printing and is available both via the PayPal link below and on smashwords! Order one? Download one? It's all for you, baby!

Friday, September 25, 2009

Another Fabulous Money-Making Idea

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Friday.

You’re probably at work, aren’t you? I thank you. Someone’s got to do it. Me? I’d be working, too, if we were back to 100% time. We’re not, but why should that keep you from knowing what the weekend may (or may not) have in store for you?

That’s right. My iPod playlist, during Friday’s commute, predicts the future. And now, not only am I applying my iPod playlist to your life, but I’m pretending that I was on the bus going to work this morning…

Why not?

Hit It and Quit It by Funkadelic
Electric Feel by MGMT
So Fresh and So Clean by Outkast
Purple Haze by Jimi Hendrix
Come Together by The Beatles
Red Hot by Jurassic 5
I Had Too Much to Dream (Last Night) by The Electric Prunes

There you are. Go forth and funkify. And then tell me about it. I need more excitement in my life.

In other news...

Marketing’s been on my mind a lot lately, particularly in terms of movies. For cryin’ out loud, we may have run out of ideas, people. Based on TV shows? I know it's old, but Bewitched?! That still gets me. Two incredibly awful Incredible Hulks? And re-makes of movies! The Omen? Another Halloween II?

Like the first "II" wasn’t bad enough.

So what’s next? I’ve got an idea, and I want you all in on the ground floor. I think I’m on to a winner here, and I want you next to me so that we can enjoy fur-lined bus passes and purses full of tea-cup Saint Bernards together.

Brace yourselves.

Frosted Mini-Wheats: The Movie.

Huh? Huh?

I can see it now. Of course, there will be roles for Minnie Driver. And we’ll need to create a role for Verne Troyer (Mini-Me).

The actual story, as we've been shown over and over, is unimportant.

But think of it! Think of the untapped marketing potential! Mini-Wheat “autographed” bowls! Mini-Wheat mustache cups! Mini-Wheat backpacks!

Mini-Wheat McThongs in your Happy Meal.

And you know there will be a follow-up, more movies to be made.

It is, after all, perfect serial fodder.


Vodka Mom said...

My family would LOVE this idea.

Mini- wheats.

It's what's for dinner.

powdergirl said...

Tea-cup Saint Bernards?

I totally want a purse full of those!

I'll be funkifying all day : )

IB said...

Way to pun-and-run.

Electric Prunes? Yeah. Very groovy.

♥ Braja said...

Go forth and funkify? Oh dude....yesssssss.....:)

♥ Braja said...

Oh wow look all the cool people are here: Vodka, Powder, and IB....what illustrious company I'm keepin'....way to go Pearl :)

The Jules said...

How about a film based on Bodyform undercracker liners, with Lara Croft doing the compulsory roller-skating, sky-diving, sex-having, crime-solving time-of-the-month totty?

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

You bring up an excellent point. And when i see stuff like this, I sigh and think "And yet...I'm still unpublished..."

Not The Rockefellers said...

Will this be one of those shredder films?

You hang with the coolest peeps...

And Ben Kingsley called, he wants in...

Peace - Rene

@eloh said...

I can see it....Mini-me with his little face sticking out of a frosted wheat biscuit costume...he runs and hides through-out the whole movie having stupid almost getting eaten adventures. Minnie Drivers' huge head would make Vern look even smaller..I can't see how it would end but that really doesn't matter, like you said...no plot needed, but we have to leave it open for the next four or five sequels. I'm in buddy, where do I send my ten bucks?

ellen abbott said...

The last four are definitely telling you something. Are you sure you don't have a hot date this weekend?

Personally, I can't believe the made a movie out of that cute book for kids 'Where the Wild Things Are'...really? seriously? a feature length movie?

otin said...

"Come together" is such a great song!

You could have some really great characters! There would be the anorexic mini wheat, named Wheat Thins. There could be the mini wheat who was the assault victim, called Shredded Wheat. There could be the contagious mini wheat called Wheat Germ. The mini wheat who was killed in a fire, called wheat toast!! LMAO!!!

C. Andres Alderete said...

Change the title to Attack of the Frosted Mini Wheats and we've got a cult favorite in the works.

Anonymous said...

Hilarious... Bet those McThongs will sell like wildfire!

DK @ Knucklehead! said...

Well, they ARE making movies based on toys . . . Transformers. What's next?

SLINKY the Motion Picture.

What walks downstairs, alone or in pairs, and tries to kill your family? An evil spring, a hideous thing, everyone knows it's Slinky.

Adrian's Crazy Life said...

I want a teacup St. Bernard! I totally do. 'Cuz I've got a full sized one and he doesn't fit in my car. That'd be cool if I could just tuck him in my purse and carry him around.