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Friday, August 28, 2009

Stone Cold Learnin’

Oh, the things we do when times is tight.

Today was Day One of a two-day course I am taking on QuickBooks, the knowledge of which I will be taking away with me in my new part-time career/pathway to increased sushi consumption with The Greenlight Group.

Let me tell you: after a full day sitting in a hotel meeting room, I am one punchy chick, torn between admiration for the program and the desire to throttle the two women at the front of the class who have “psst psst pssted” their way throughout.

From the rolling eyes in the room, I think I’m safe in saying that I’m not the only one who has noticed.

Have you taken any kind all-day off-site training? The level of information coming at you is incredible; capable, if done properly, of swelling your brain to several times its normal size.

Cash or accrual method of accounting? Why is a vendor credit a bill? When can you skip creating an invoice and just create a sales receipt? How many checks can you take and fail to report to Accounting before a ballpoint pen is jammed up your nostril?

I’ve taken notes. I’ve asked questions. I was mildly amusing, briefly; and so help me, immediately following the end of Day One I ate, in a dizzy, hungry haze, a Caramello bar that I don’t recall actually tasting.

Day Two looms before me.

Let us stop there. I feel woozy.

But welcome, my friends, to the 80% employee’s Friday and my misguided weekly quest to divine what the weekend has in store for me by turning to the iPod’s morning commute playlist.

What does the iPod say about the weekend?

Burn by The Cure
When My Baby’s Beside Me by Big Star
Love Train by Wolfmother
Backslider by The Toadies
The Hazards of Love by The Decemberists
Adderall by The Hold Steady
Bodysnatchers by Radiohead

Love, self-doubt, redemption, drugs and – and –

and what the hell is “Bodysnatchers” about anyway?


Not The Rockefellers said...

I like The Rake's Song by The Decemberists

Something for the Jr. Choir to consider for Family Night :)

Have fun with numbers Pearl.

Peace - Rene

Pearl said...

"Having fun" is certainly one way to look at it, Rene!

Ms Sparrow said...

Oh yeah! Computer training classes! I remember the "fun" of sitting there trapped in a tiny windowless room behind a unfamiliar machine with unfamiliar people and trying to learn something that I would never use.
Being retired fills me with absolutely NO nostalgia for those wasted hours!

powdergirl said...

I bet you were more than "mildly amusing".

Hey, maybe you jam that pencil up the nostril of the "pss ps psst" women?

That would be REALLY amusing!

Reddirt Woman said...

And you know those pssst pssssst women are going to be the first to whine 'can you help me with this, I don't understand... I don't think they covered this in the class...'



KC said...

I actually trained these types of classes for a living for quite a few years. That's about the time that the drinking problem started. Coincidence? I don't think so.

Joanna Jenkins said...

Ahhh training classes. The toughest part of those for me is staying awake!

Hang in there.

Douglas said...

But I liked those classes! Anything to break the monotonous routine that was my week. Plus, I often got extra pay to attend. Okay, so maybe it was mostly the latter that improved my outlook. Plus there was always donuts... and coffee.

De Campo said...

Love, self-doubt, redemption, drugs and ZOMBIES.


That line about a hand up your ass can also be filed under the categories of love, self-doubt and redemption. I would also put money on drugs being involved earlier in the evening…..

Madame DeFarge said...

Like the Decemberists too. My iPod says that I bought too many CDs in Iceland and am now addicted to Benni Hemm Hemm. Have a great weekend.

Emerson Marks said...

During this kind of training I always fantasise about those glasses that have have cardboard cut outs of eyes instead of glass.

Anonymous said...

Off-site training can be great - but I think a whole day is enough! After a while, the brain starts rejecting information instead of absorbing it.

Last time we had an off-site thingie, one of the managers passed wind really loudly and I was the only one to laugh out loud!

Chris@Maugeritaville said...

Oh, yeah, I've been to hundreds of school-related trainings. The key is to keep your mind occupied somehow, especially during the ultra-boring parts.

Boredom is a choice. There's a circus in my head 24-7.