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Sunday, August 30, 2009

See Spot Float. Float, Spot, Float.

I don’t care how many times you turn around, you just can’t catch up with a floater.

I was quite confused initially. Did you see that? What was that? I’m swatting imaginary bugs while friends shake their heads.

Poor Pearl. She was never the same after rolling down that hill. It’s really not something you should do after, say, the age of seven, anyway…

Do you know what a “floater” is?

You don’t? What are you, 16?

OK. I’ll tell you. A “floater” is something you get when you’re old, terribly old. A “floater” is the visible shadow of the optic nerve as the gunk that makes up your eyeball thins with age.

Or something like that, according to my optometrist.

OK. I lied about the “terribly old” bit. Thinning of the eyeball-guts starts happening around 35, as I understand it.

Still, I am relieved to discover that I don’t have a brain tumor, am not being perpetually encircled by a large gnat or being pranked by Ashton Kutcher or any other star-oid.

The human body: You just can’t trust it.

28 comments:

ellen abbott said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ellen abbott said...

Just wait til you get flashes of white light in your peripheral vision or pinpoint black dots (holes in your retina). So much to look forward to!

(I hate misspellings. Makes me look stupid.)

Comedy Goddess said...

I always thought those were Aliens. Good to know it's just decaying vision. Feel so much better now.

But seriously, thank you for your kind words over at my place!
xo
Elise

darsden said...

Yes, I know the eye floater..and YES, I know several other floaters...just float through life...LOL Thank you for visiting yesterday and your kind words I really appreciate it Pearl.

otin said...

I thought a floater was when some kid shit in the pool! HAHA!

Beth said...

Otin is on a roll this morning.

Darn floaters always make me worry that I'm seeing bugs. And then when they aren't there, I start to worry that one day, I'll be institutionalized because of all the imaginary bugs I see. But it there are other older people there, at lease they'll see them, too.

Kavi said...

OMG ! Now there is one more worry that i have to contend with !

A floating one at that...makes it no less a steady worry now !

Oh Pearl !

:)

SparkleFarkle said...

I definitely prefer the cookie-in-my-milk floater over the eyeball kind. Especially Cameo!

IB said...

I see those things too! I thought it was some kind of a "flashback" thing. Good to know. Now if I can just figure out the angry midget holding a butcher knife I see standing at the foot of my bed every night...

powdergirl said...

Sometimes I actually refuse to swat at a fruit fly just in case it might actually be a floater. I'm that obstinate!

However, I'm somewhat blinded by the simple truth you promote here, the one about not rolling down hills after the age of 7.

Man, that can really f**k you up.

ladyfi said...

Never heard of this. I'm ancient so my eyeballs must be bald!

Travis Erwin said...

I have a degenerative corneal disease so I know all about these. Did you know shark corneas can be transplanted into human eyes? Freak, but if I end up needing one I'd rather have a cornea from a shark than some dead dude.

Douglas said...

Floaters are, uh, disconcerting, aren't they? I realized I had one when I couldn't seem to bat that hovering gnat away. Had a friend in my teens who wore glasses with a crack in one lens. He was always dogging a "pole". I never liked to ride in his car.

underOvr (aka The U) said...

Hiya Pearl,

I remember thinking I was seeing spots without actually being clunked on the head. Like you, an eye exam gave me the intro to what awaited me in the coming years.

I love surprises, so I won't tell you what comes after floaters.

U

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

"The human body, can't trust it."
Ain't that the truth!

Not The Rockefellers said...

I hate those! I thought it was alien morse code at first.

Migraine auras are also a joyride. They are rainbow colored swirly delights.

Pretty rainbow yay!
bad headache boo!

Peace - Rene

Joanna Jenkins said...

Oh yeah, floaters are a real picnic sometimes :-(
Oy.
xo

Lynn said...

While in Cancun, I sat on the lanai looking out at the blue sky and the turquoise ocean and the squiggly floaters dancing about.
I even had something like a DNA amoeba thingy. I guess with the brightness and the completely uncluttered background everything on my eyeball showed up.
Dear God. The body is falling apart!

Madame DeFarge said...

I have one too, in my left eye, Major pain in the butt. I think mine looks like the outline of a chicken.

Diane said...

Oh, man, I'm glad you explained that. I thought a floater was a dead body that had been dumped in the river (clearly I watch too much Law and Order)... or... ummm... poop in the pool.

Green-Eyed Momster said...

I noticed a big difference in my eye-sight the day after my 40th birthday. I don't think it had anything to do with the fact that I was puking from the night before either!

You're still so young, Pearl! Just wait.....

Hugs!!

mapstew said...

Welcome to my world!

Reddirt Woman said...

Oh, man... do I know 'floaters'... and I'm way over 35...

But you were very smart to go to your optometrist. A good fiend of mine had floaters and it was the beginnings of a detached retina. So you did good to check it out. And for some reason I can't imagine any of your friends thinking you just might have gone 'round the bend...

Helen

Janie at Sounding Forth said...

Ooh, girlfriend. I'm glad you're okay! That would be a little scary.

mylittlebecky said...

i have those too. ugh, so annoying!

Sashindoubutsu said...

Oh I feel you.. Glad you posted about it :)

CSY said...

Ok, so you explained about the floating thing in my eye...can you explain the voices in my head?!?!?!

Suzy said...

The human body is indeed annoying. I've never had a floater. YET!