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Thursday, August 20, 2009

And Then I Got Into The Camper and Was Never Heard From Again

The camper is back. The same camper that was parked across the street for a month last summer is back.

The camper showed up again four days ago. I’ve not seen anyone go in or out. This means little, really, but I feel it needs saying.

Still, the camper is back. Does this qualify as a pattern? Because I love looking for a pattern. I think to myself: What’s it mean? The woman’s bike is still screwed to the back – does that mean the driver is a woman? Is this contraption her mobile hotel? A mode to take her wherever the road takes her? Home base for roving magazine-subscription door-to-door salesmen?

Or is this, as the neighbor rather salaciously suggested last year, a rolling whorehouse?

I can’t stand it.

I have to walk down there.

Just before sun down yesterday, about 7:45 or so, I took a stroll. And yes, for those keeping score, I’m pretty sure it was a stroll. It was too forward-moving to be a meander, too purposeful to be saunter. Well, it might’ve been a saunter, now that I think of it. The stroll implies one’s hands clasped behind one’s back, though; and I don’t recall doing that.

Now that I think of it.

Where was I?

I approached the vehicle from the front. The hood of the vehicle is spotted with the recent downpours we’ve had recently. There are two hand-sized dents on either side of the center of the hood, like someone might’ve had some trouble shutting it.

The Virgin Mary is on the dashboard in colors that suggest the statue had been purchased in Mexico.

There is a black screen pulled between the front seats and the rest of the vehicle.

I look up and down the street. There is a person walking a dog at the far end of the block.

I walk alongside the camper. It’s surprisingly low to the ground. There is a little door with a two-step ladder into the back. I peer in through the crack of a set of curtains.

The parrot that had squawked me out of a year’s growth when I had last tried to take a peek is gone.

The back end of the camper had been gutted of its original fittings and now featured a tiny, slender bed at one end. It is high enough off the floor as to allow for four rows of drawers under it. There is a strange, perhaps wrought iron lamp affixed to the top of the bed. The light is not on.

At the driver’s end of the vehicle is a set of cupboards. Across the top are built-in bookshelves.

One gets the impression that there are secret, sliding panels under the carpets.

It is completely charming.

“Excuse me.” The man walking his dog brushes by me, the black lab brushing my leg with his nose as they pass.

Startled, I swallow my gum.

The little announcer in my head starts to speak, “Local woman peeks into parked vehicle and is frightened by a man walking his dog. What this means for your weekend, next.”

Mystery camper sighting? Frightened by animal? Voice-over mocking my gullibility?

I am beginning to think that there may be a couple sets of patterns going on here.


af1blog said...

We-e-ell... If you see patterns then I guess there must be patterns.

Great post!

The Jules said...

Perhaps it hasn't got an owner. Maybe it's a really comfy version of Knightrider.

p.s. It's the nonchalant stroll you shouldn't attempt, because of your gender mainly.

The Retired One said...

I think it is a vehicle for taking people who need a new, secret-identity life. They take them somewhere, give them fake names and drop them off.
Or, its the Aliens.
It's always the Aliens....

f8hasit said...

You have to keep us posted of the comings and goings of any person residing there.
How fabulously interesting!

I would've peeked myself, but knowing me as I peered into the window, someone would've looked right back at me.


Not The Rockefellers said...

Perhaps it's a secret base..or a grow trailer..scratch that,they would need waaay more light.
And I have that little announcer in my head too...
And the little cub reporter that turns my life into NY Post headlines...

Peace - Rene

Douglas said...

Was that pattern you speak of on the curtains between which you peeked?

As long as you didn't see any electronic monitoring gear, I wouldn't worry about it.

darsden said...

LMAO...knock on the door Pearl...com'on you can do it ;-)

@eloh said...

Sorry to hear that Big Bird was MIA.

No movement at all? This is so strange.

What "brand" of RV is it? I'm wondering about the water and toilet facilitie here. Pace it off and tell us how long it is.

Barbara Blundell said...

Why don't you disguise yourself as an "Official" carry a clip board ,look important and frighten them into answering all your questions and put us out of our misery ?

Sweet Cheeks said...

Well Duh...it's Liza Bean's night watch facility. She's been under cover watching your house for awhile now. You have to admit...strange things happen at your house, as evidenced by the can of Government Pumpkin in your pantry...and how your fish mysteriously die off. Liza is doing a bit of investigation of her own domicile. OOO...I'll bet her report is severely interesting!

Matthew said...

Nice of you to stop by.

Enjoyed your post, although I suspect that the announcer in your head has a double life reading our local news here.

Green-Eyed Momster said...

Please finish the story! Was it the guy's camper?

Maybe you should write mystery books for a living! I want to hear more!!


Joanie M said...

Go ahead. Knock on the door. You know you want to.

KMcJoseph said...

No Such Agency

Janie at Sounding Forth said...

Or you may have been reading too many Elmore Leonard novels.

(I probably would have peed my pants when the dog walker scraped by...)

diane said...

Meandering is the one with clasped hands behind the back. . .I think. Strolling is usually done while carrying an unopened umbrella, so you look important while walking. Sauntering is something "cat" people do, while wearing tight black clothing. Maybe you were just "walking", I don't know, I could be wrong. Were you. .gasp...stalking?
Guess what, I'm following you. In a non-creepy bloggy way.

Jocelyn said...

It's a mobile grow house for some really sweet weed, clearly.

And, oh, the line about "woman scared by man walking dog" made me snertle.

ICKY said...

I'm thinking its probably a mobile soilent green factory.
have you seen "Breaking Bad" ?