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Sunday, July 5, 2009

Why Don’t You Call – Right Now?!

Oh, hi!

I’ve been waiting for you.

Be honest with me – did you ever think you’d find your soul-mate at a bar?

Me, neither.

But on a 1-800 number? Oh, yes.

So why haven’t you called? I’ve been waiting for you, and so have all my drop-dead gorgeous friends, all luscious blondes, red-heads, and brunettes between the ages of 18 and 24. There’s just so much more to us than our beautiful faces, our firm, taut bodies, and our ability to recline seductively while talking on the phone.

What, you say? Why in the world would there be hot chicks on the phone, waiting for me to call?

Because, silly, we’re just like you. We’re lonely, we’re scantily clad, and we’re tired of the run-around at the bar, just like you! It gets so tiring, being continually hit on, having men buy us drinks in the hopes of seeing us again, answering the same tired questions on what cup size we wear, what it would take, money-wise, to see us again, fielding questions regarding who we live with and whether or not he’s armed.

It’s so tedious being beautiful and well built, don’t you think?

I can just tell that we’re going to get along.

So why haven’t you called?

I’m waiting.


Douglas said...

Oh no, I will not be taken in again... not like those 12 or 13 other times. I am just now scrambling my way out of bankruptcy.
But I do have you on speed dial... in case I waver just a bit.

@eloh said...

I remember getting an untimely piece of mail from the phone company. Just threw it on the truck seat thinking it was some sort of advertisement. A while later I thought I'd open it before tossing...it was a courtesy notice that my bill was unusually high, as in over 800.00 too high.

The off-shore ladies are very alluring to 14 years old boys.

Under the Influence said...

If I had known YOU were going to answer the phone, I would have called a long time ago!

a mouthy irish woman? ridiculous! said...

i always have to shower after one of those commercials come on. twice :)

SweetPeaSurry said...

It is tedious to be so gorgeous! I need my own 800 number.


ICKY said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ICKY said...

LMAO !! Is it 11:00 pm in tv land already? I love those commercials.

$800.00 !!!!!!
Whoa !!!

Maggie May said...

whenever i call, you're passed out in the bathtub.


lisleman said...

If you are trying to point out how stupid those phone services are - you need to remember guys have two heads and that second one doesn't use logic or reasoning.

Call me (call me) on the line
Call me, call me any, anytime
Call me (call me) my love
You can call me any day or night
Call me

Cover me with kisses, baby
Cover me with love
Roll me in designer sheets
I'll never get enough
Emotions come, I don't know why
Cover up love's alibi

Eskimo Bob said...

Oh beguiling temptress. . . must step away from the phone. . . but the allure of true love is too bright.

What? . . . How are we supposed to snuggle on the phone? . . . A headache?!? Wha. . . I .. . sure what's your bank account number - how much do you need?

Madame DeFarge said...

Because we really are that stupid, aren't we? Happiness at the end of a phone. Premium rates apply.

Fragrant Liar said...

I just have to flip channels when I see shit like that. I mean, really. Men must be so gullible to call numbers like that. Or desperate, right?

Or maybe I should get an 800 number, and maybe that's how I'll actually find Mr. Right! That's it! I'm going LIVE!

Thank you so much, Pearly!

mapstew said...

Really, how sad, and I mean that most sincerely, does one have to be to be at a level to call one of these lines?

And how rich?

fingers said...

Between the 1800 call-me numbers, the home shopping advertorials, the ab-swing commercials, the self-esteem help books/tapes and the TV evangelist workshops...it's a fair assumption that if you're up watching tele at 3am these days then the station assumes you're a bit of a c*nt...

Emily said...

Have you seen the episode of 30 Rock where Liz Lemon was in one of those commercials on the '90s (for 1-900-OK-FACE). Nearly peed my pants.

Anonymous said...

Once I mistakenly dialed 1-800-555-1212 for a national insurance company. Their number is 1-888-555-1212. By the way...for a very good time ($5.00/min) they will say explicit things they want to do to all callers....

The worst thing is going to the administrator and logging these calls as mistakes...so I don't get fired!

Michelle said...

I will call you Pearly-Q!!!

I miss you lady!

Anonymous said...

Don't be silly! Men aren't that gullible. I mean ... there are such nice, understanding young ladies out there who really do want my call - right? And we sometimes click straight away, right? The cost of the calls is just a mistake and it'll all be sorted out eventually, right?

DouglasDyer said...

I believe we've found our new Billy Mays.