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Saturday, July 25, 2009

I'm Gonna Need One of Those Exploding Blue Dye Things...

One of the folks occupying a much lower rung on the evolutionary ladder than the members of humanity I normally hang with kicked in our garage door Thursday night.

The door is seriously creased, the door jamb split and useless.

Oddly enough, they left without taking anything.

Isn’t that something?

What was wrong with this particular individual, do you think? Drug or drinking problems? Issues with authority? A lack of peer recognition? Improper toilet training?

Is it because he had a flat tire, his dog ate his homework, his alarm clock never went off?

What other excuses can I come up with for this guy?

Or is it just that he is a destructive and yet cowardly jackass that was frightened off, in the last minute, by who knows what?

Who kicks a door in?


Anonymous said...

A psychotic neighbor with big-time anger management issues who wasn't invited to your obviously amazing party?

troutay said...

A young idiot who thinks wanton destruction of other people's property
is a personal statement against what "it" (i refuse to call it male or female) perceives is the "Man".

Sorry this happened.

ellen abbott said...

Too many people on the planet.

Fragrant Liar said...

Oh man, that SUCKS!!

Perhaps a case of mistaken identity?

@eloh said...

Well, I think you missed out on one of my more recent posts.

Who kicks a door in? I do, or rather passed the mantel on to my youngest daughter.

Who kicked your garage door? Why?

powdergirl said...

Vandalism really ticks me off, you'd think if he/she was all-balls when it came to kicking the door in they would stay and face whatever made them pee their panties and run.

Sorry bout your luck with that, just great to have to fix something when it shouldn't broken in the first place, isn't it?

darsden said...

If you know this person did it.. Mr. Pearl, need to seriously go have a talk with him. I KNOW you don't want me too ;-) That is sad.. we had neighbors like that till I moved in the mole hole...only took me chasing them down one time..The know Red is crazy and don't F**k with her or her parents again..REALLY just took one time1

Douglas said...

Maybe whatever this miscreant was looking for wasn't in your garage? Or maybe he just wanted to make a point that he could, if he wanted to, enter your garage. Maybe someone dared him to. It is likely that something frightened him off. Maybe breaking the door made more noise than he thought it would (it's always a much quieter sound on TV or in the movies). Perhaps he was practicing for his debut as a home invasion artiste.

Or maybe he broke something in his foot when he did it and decided limping off was the right thing to do.

Under the Influence said...


Madame DeFarge said...

Maybe he was exercising his karate skills. Or just had those dancing feet. Albeit in the wrong direction. But the most likely reason is that they're stupid, ill-educated and downright useless piece on inhumanity.

Eskimo Bob said...

A crease down the middle of the door? Wow - maybe it cracked so loud he got scared and ran away. . . Maybe it was a Hmong youth who is being initiated into a Hmong gang - and now you have to take the young Hmong youth under your tutelage and strike up an unlikely friendship with the youngster and end up trying to save him from the gang only to have to sacrifice your life so that they can be arrested and you save the youth as well as the neighborhood.

Barbara Blundell said...

To take his mind off his headache

Awesomeness said...

Take it easy on your door kicker, Pearl. There's a chance he kicked it in because he witnessed a blood-thirsty murderer breaking in and he just wanted to scare him off.

What a hero. He deserves a medal.

ICKY said...

Could be the "Hug and release" System criminals here have grown to love.

Bob...Gran Torino was a great movie.

Warty Mammal said...

I'm so sorry. What a freaking pain. I'm glad you weren't harmed.

I'm trying to decide whether I'd be mortified or relieved if someone kicked in my door, then evidently found none of my crap worthy of his time. I always kind of want to pile some crap outside. "Here. Save your energy. Just take this."

Reddirt Woman said...

No respect for themselves or anyone else. I do hope they limped away...


SparkleFarkle said...

I was able to nab a shot of the culprit as he was leaving your premises. You might want to turn THIS into the police.

All kidding aside, not only am I sorry to hear about your garage vandali$$$m , but I can't imagine how violated you must have felt when you came upon the "remains" of the night. Dirty, rotten scoundrels such as these don't ever seem to fathom the impact their stupid behavior makes. Such intrusive and destructive activities leave the victim feeling incredibly vulnerable and "raw," if you will. And did I say pissed? PISSED, TOO! To the umpth degree! I know where I can get traps. Let's set them.

mapstew said...

Pearl, we have to get on our knees and pray for guidance for these poor misfortunates!

Like Fuck!

I will never understand Vandals.


Hope the rest of your weekend brings something nice.


Jocelyn said...

Clearly, someone out there has been trying to send you signals but is now overwhelmed by his unrequited love. How do you not get angry when Pearl doesn't even know you exist, even though you've been walking slowly up and down her alley for years now, telepathizing a message of amour to her?

Incidentally? Your grandpa's line about "Had to kick him out. Couldn't pay the rent" is the hands-down, pants-down winner of a contest I wasn't even having.

JennyMac said...

Sorry for the scare. Ugh.

Ronda's Rants said...

"One of the folks occupying a much lower rung on the evolutionary ladder than the members of humanity I normally hang with kicked in our garage door Thursday night."

You answered your question much better than I could...I am sorry and I hope they forget where they were Thursday night!

SweetPeaSurry said...

Maybe he thought it was his house, and he was super P.O.'d that the door was locked, then he came to his senses, pissed on the sidewalk and eventually wandered to the right premises?


Sorry for the upheaval due to this though.