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Monday, July 6, 2009

As A Matter of Fact, I Am NOT Ready for Work; or Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Admins

“Did you have a good weekend? You all ready for work?”

Well, no. As a matter of fact, I’m not.

I would love to tell you that I am. Ready for work, that is. But the truth is, I am woefully unprepared.

I meant to be. I meant to be ready. But there was Margarita Night Friday up in the attic. And then there was the July 4th Barbecue at Amy’s Saturday night. There was the writing, the cooking, the refrigerator detailing, the transporting of the cats to their tap-dancing lessons.

Would you believe I completely forgot to leave time to get worked up about being a productive member of corporate America?

Don’t get me wrong. I’m one punctual and competent SOB; but I’m no good at that “You all read for work?” question. It just doesn’t seem that there’s a good answer to it.

Small talk is not my forte.

I should work on having prepared answers.

“Work? I’m at work?”

“Ready for work? Oh, now, yeah. I can’t remember what they called it, but the doctors said that I can continue with my regular routine as long as I use a hand sanitizer and don't – oh, crap – have you seen my face mask?”

“Yep! All ready for work! Say, could you cover for me for a couple hours this afternoon? The police – well, the less you know the better; but now that they’ve got the court order they’re going to take that sample whether I like it or not.”

It’s so important to have a good attitude, don’t you think?

Happy Monday, everyone.


Jeve (aka John and Steve) said...

I feel your pain girl.

The Grandpa said...

I like the last answer. You're right about a good attitude :0).

I'm never ready for work. I've been sitting at my desk and have done absolutely nothing.

glnroz said...

Happy Monday back to ya,, if this durned phone would quit ringing, I could get some blogs read..:)

powdergirl said...

I'm not even ready to clean out the damn camper, never mind do something productive and or lucrative.

You have Margaritas in your attic?
I would call in 'otherwise engaged' and go investigate further.

Mandy's Kidding said...

For some reason, this weekend seemed to go on forever, like a glorious never-ending sunset.

But then I woke up this morning.

mzbehavin said...

I have NEVER seen the whole: "Monday SU#$S and should be outlawed" sentiment expressed so beautifully..... and humorously!!! I've been hearing great things about this blog.... and now I see why.... I came. I saw. I must Stalk ( I prefer the term "Follow"....)

ICKY said...

I would be willing to argue (and fist fight you, if necessary) about your punctuality.

Beth said...

I hear you. So, are you ready?

Let us know when the recital for the kitties will be. How exciting!

Anonymous said...


What the hell was that all about? That's the most rambling post you've ever written...and I just laughed because it is obvious you had a whopper of a weekend.

Even your 'tired after a big weekend' post is hilarious!



Jeanne said...

Tell me it will get better as the week winds on....

Douglas said...

Back when I worked (or, I should say, employed), Mondays were reserved for re-orienting oneself toward the actual function one might be called on to perform. This process involved copious amounts of coffee, prolonged discussions of the events of the previous two days, debates about what might need to be done during the coming week, and then more coffee. And lunch. And more coffee.
Tuesday was more flexible with some actual work being performed, though always of the less taxing variety, and more debates about what might be needed to be done in the near future. Wednesdays were the days that things actually got done. Usually. At least in the morning. Thursdays were designed for preparing for Fridays and Fridays were considered too late in the week to actually start any work.

lizspin said...

Precisely why I took the day off today. . .

Anonymous said...

I thought Monday morning angst would diminish once I reached the glorious stage of my life of not having to work for some other asshole.
Wrongo. The asshole I now work for is me and I resent him just as much on a Monday morning.

Pearl said...

Jeve, I just knew I would have your support.

The Grandpa, you can’t rush good work, that’s what I say!

Glnroz, sounds like where I work!

Powdergirl, are you telling me you don’t have margaritas in your attic?!

Mandy, your dreams sound more interesting than mine. I had a dream last night that I had accidentally left my thigh on the floor next to the bed, but when I went to pick it up, I found that a cat had sharpened its claws on it. It was ruined, but it looked bad. I wasn’t mad at the cat, but I was very disappointed that I hadn’t put it away properly.

Mzbehavin, thank you! Feel free to pop in whenever you like!

Icky, I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Beth, I have been thinking that it’s time to write about the kitties and their new-found passion for free-style dance, but I swear if one of them does “jazz paws” again I’ll scream.

Sweet Cheeks, brat?! :-D For some reason, that made me laugh!

Jeanne, I can promise you nothing but love. :-D

Douglas, the work week has not really changed since you retired!

Lizspin, we have an company-wide shutdown in August. I can’t wait to see if there are still margaritas in the attic…

Mrwriteon, I think you should call in next Monday, tell yourself you’ll be late. You can use the excuse I created in 1984 but have still not used: I lost a filling and can’t get in to the dentist until 11:00, so I’ll be late. Ingenious, yes? :-D

Anonymous said...

Very funny!

Mondays are the worst! Unless you're on holiday and then they are great because you can feel sorry for everyone else while really being smug...

Anonymous said...

Yeah ... I know what you mean. Days don't start for till I've been up at least five hours and weeks? well, weeks start about Wednesday :)

Joanna Jenkins said...

It's only Monday and you are already cracking me up!
Have a great week :-)