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Thursday, June 25, 2009

Speaking Out on Your Speaking Out

It’s Friday – and you know what that means! It means my iPod-scented bus commute has given me another clue as to what the weekend holds in store.

Wait a minute. What do you mean, it’s not Friday? It is if you’re an 80% employee, baby!

Green River by Creedence Clearwater Revival
Substitute by The Who
Sally by Gogol Bordello
Respect by Aretha Franklin
Icky Thump by The White Stripes
Atomic Dog by George Clinton
568 Coleen by The Heavy

Funky.

Wednesday, 12:04 p.m., and I’ve slammed my lunch in order to spend time writing.

And you know, I was all prepared, in that haphazard way I have, to write a piece on how memories only become truly clear with time – and it was gonna be so cool, too! – when my brain was overridden – nay, hijacked – by the stereophonic sound of someone using a speakerphone to call someone less than 50 feet from them.

“Johnson! Peterson! Chmielewski! While I’ve got you all here, let’s give a quick shout-out to Accounting. Gather ‘round, my pretties.”

Or something akin to that.

And I understand. I do. It makes perfect sense to use the speakerphone in that way, especially since most people will then close the door in order to use said phone.

But that’s not the case here. Why in the wide wide world of sports would someone use a speakerphone to call someone else just three or four doors away?

Have you seen Pink Floyd’s live concert from Pompeii? Because sitting between two people using a speakerphone mere feet from each other is something like that, minus the drugs or the possibility of hooking up with some large-nosed British guy.

And yes. I have a thing for men with large noses. And no. The blog that would go on to explain the reasons behind this does not yet exist.

And so I sat in the center of the speakers, so to speak, partially irritated and partially diggin’ the left-to-right nature of it all, recalling the headphone days of my youth, Led Zeppelin bouncing from one ear to another, the lava lamp throwing irregularly shaped blobs of light on the walls...

Oh for cryin’ out loud.

It's all become clear to me: I am old and tired. I must go lie down now.

Send money and a half-dozen large-nosed Brits. If you can send them Friday, I’ll be home to sign for them…

18 comments:

Under the Influence said...

I think today is Thursday. :)

Pearl said...

Under the Influence, it is Thursday, but since my work has gone to a four-day adventure, my Thursdays are now Fridays, and since I write the day's blog the day before, I wrote about Wednesday.

It's all very complicated. I have a chart here that keeps me in line... :-D

powdergirl said...

I've only got 2 hours before I'm banished to the wilderness. I will use these hours to locate a few large nosed Brits because I am firm believer in women getting precisely what they want.

Excuse me Sir, could you please slip into this envelope, your services are required in Minnesota, mind you don't raise any eye-brows during your stay.

Okay, thats 1...

Pearl said...

powdergirl, I appreciate your attention to detail!
You pull this one off and there will definitely be something extra in your stocking this year!!

The Jules said...

Hey, I'm a big-nosed British bloke. Not boasting. Just a fact.

As a shifty shift worker, I can make any day feel like either Monday or Friday.

It's all peaks and troughs with me you know.

IB said...

As a large-nosed man (born in Britain) I am curious as to just what you're thinking...

SparkleFarkle said...

Terrific blog, especially its BIG nosed-Brits caboose! LOL! This could definitely be a smash-hit The Office episode; I think you should submit it. I'll look for it in the fall TV line-up as I'm positive Office producers will snatch it up! (Too bad the British version of the sitcom is defunct. That would have been right up your alley, if you "nose" what I mean.)

DouglasDyer said...

OK I've punched some holes in a large box but these beaky Brits are simply not cooperating. Hang on, I know a guy who probably has some roofies. BRB.

Chris@Maugeritaville said...

The speakerphone feature on cell phones sucks buttcheek. It's bad enough to have to hear ONE side of a conversation in a restaurant, movie theater, etc., but BOTH SIDES? Sheesh.

Enjoy your long weekend!

Douglas said...

Ah, yes... speakerphones in the office. To pass a little time, I would announce a need for a "cleanup on aisle 4! Cleanup on aisle, please!"

And then there would be those little conversations...

"[meep*] Hey, Fred! Call the MOC. Fred, call the MOC."

"[meep] MOC! MOC!" (from Fred)

* "meep" is that little tone that gets kicked out by the PA system. MOC stands for Maintenance Operation Center (where we performed very little maintenance, or operated, and it wasn't in the center anyway)

Hey, Chris, can we start shooting restaurant cellphone talkers yet?

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

tell me why people tell the whole wide world what they are doing that exact moment on twitter and I'll tell you why people use speaker phones!! By the way, I'm on twitter too!!

Sweet Cheeks said...

They banned the use of our speaker phone/PA system at work due to excessive giggling.

Rude...

Joanna Jenkins said...

A thing for big nosed guys? You crack me up!!!!
Enjoy your weekend!

f8hasit said...

Hey pearl, there are a cuople of large nosed males at my house right now...and I'm tired and going to go to bed. Can I send them your way? I hate to have their accent lost in my snoring...

Oh, and dig George Clinton. Funky as it was meant to be.

Thanks, as always, for your post.
:-)

Eric said...

Hmmmm... wasn't this guy a big-nosed Brit?

Mr. Condescending said...

pinocchio had a big nose!

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

Ah, the speakerphone. I really do think it is an evil invention most days. However my speakerphone is three and there's simply no off switch.

Sounds like a good ipod weekend enjoy it!

@eloh said...

Big nose? Are you talking smoking in the rain big nose? or just larger than average? I'd like this clarified please.