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Monday, June 1, 2009

The Road Signs Have A Suggestion

I was out driving the other day. In a car.

Cars are so much different than buses, aren’t they? They’re smaller, for one thing. I noticed that right off. And then there’s all that “paying attention” to do.

And it was while I was “paying attention” that I saw something that I’d seen thousands of times before; but this time, I saw it with new eyes.

OK. Not really new eyes. They were my old eyes.

Let’s not get into semantics.

There was a sign on the side of the road, one of those signs with the little light bulbs in it so that you can see it at night.

“Yield Ahead.”

Good advice. There’s a certain amount of yielding that we all must do.

And that got me thinking: Those signs should be in more places.

“Stop eating now.”

“You would do best to keep your mouth shut.”

“You are wearing patterned underwear with white pants. Bad look.”

But no. We don’t have signs like that. Sure, I’m a taxpayer; but apparently we’re on our own here.

Who do you suppose I could talk to to get one of those lighted signs in my house? I never turn down free advice.


Bevie said...

So, you would have us return to the days of Burma Shave road signs? I guess I'm in favor of that. Particularly if the person wearing the patterned underwear with white pants is especially - hmmm - well like me. On the large side.

Fortunately, I don't own patterned underwear. Anymore. Or white pants. It was a good look back then.

Patricia said...

I'm all about signs. But I'd like to suggest you make your own. It's cheaper. And then you can change your sign based on your current needs and it won't cost you a dime.

My favorite self-made sign of all time was one I posted in various places at home and at the office. It helped me get through my children's adolescence. It said: "If they don't rebel they'll never leave home." Now that they have left home (and I might add, not without a helluvalotuv rebelling) that sign is no longer applicable. And it didn't cost me a thing to make my new sign: "Keep your fat arse out of the refrigerator."

darsden said...

LOL mine would say Yard Help appreciated :-))

Not The Rockefellers said...

Didja Lock it? would be my husbands sign.
Be it the house, car, steamer trunk whatever...
Didja Lock it?

Mine is "what am I forgetting?"
Constant question...
Constant search

Peace - Rene

Chris @ Maugeritaville said...

Excellent idea, Pearl. And they should just be in picture form, you know, like the one of kids crossing a street or a family of Mexicans fleeing across a freeway (yes, that is a real sign that you can see along I-5 in the San Diego area).

Examples? A kid shutting a drawer. A guy putting a toilet seat down (that's for you ladies. You're welcome). A "no toys on the floor" logo.

mapstew said...

Mine would be at my local watering hole.

'You are not obliged to stay until closing time'

Sweet Cheeks said...

I need a sign for my front door...

"Enter at your own risk"

That would be for family, obviously.

Happy Monday!

maureen said...

I always think there should be an electronic sign on our back bumpers we can send messages to other idiot drivers with. But maybe if there was one on the fridge my kids wouldn't be able to say they didn't see my note?

Douglas said...

What pattern, Pearl? My eyes aren't what they used to be. In fact, nothing I was born with is what it used to be... sigh.

I'm glad you pay attention when driving... it seems like no one down here does.

Kavi said...

And i remember seeing a signboard which said, 'dont look here. Look at the road' !

One of those perhaps !


powdergirl said...

My weekend travels took me by a coupla signs in quick succession.

Popcum rd & Bridal Falls Lane.

Looked to me like a cautionary tale of premature honey-moon 'enthusiasm'.

My sign would say,
"think before you type"

Barbara Blundell said...

My sign would say "Show her you love her. Take her some chocolates/flowers/wine-preferably all three

lisleman said...

we don't need more signs - just more readers

Kr√ęg said...

Well, if you don't have any hang-ups like character or morals then you could always just steal existing signs. Of course, that does leave the difficult task of explaining the "Hitchhikers may be escaping inmates" sign to dinner guests.

Or you could go the route of your own custom-made neon signs, but you'll have to get trained monkeys to turn them on and off. There are few problems in life that can't be solved by the scientific application of trained monkeys.

giantspeckledchihuahua said...

that's what they make post-a-notes for!!!

a mouthy irish woman? ridiculous! said...

i want one that says "twelve faces of eve dead ahead". right in front of my house.

fingers said...

How about a nice big sign over your bed that says 'SLIPPERY WHEN WET'...

Pearl said...

Bevie, maybe not to the DAYS of Burma Shave, but maybe to that kind of humor on the roads!

Patricia, better idea yet. Now that I think about it, I really should make my own signs.

Darsden, are you trying to get me to come down there and do yard work?!

Rene, one of my signs would be, “Wherever You’re Going, Did You Promise Them You’d Bring Something?”

Chris, good idea. We need a couple of staggering drunk signs in Northeast. It’s summer, after all, and the pub crawls are in full swing.

Mapstew, ooh, can I get a copy of that sign?!

Sweetie, that would be a good one. We need one for my house “Kitteh on the Prowl – Watch Your Wallet”.

Maureen, I’m picturing the bumper electronic signs. :-D There would probably just have to be some sort of macro for “Get off my butt”!

Douglas, I like your new picture! I learned the patterned underwear/white pants trick early in life. At work. Everyone got a big kick out of it.

Kavi, I like that!

Powdergirl, really? Well, it’s no “Ham Lake”, but it’ll do! :-D

Barbara, flowers, chocolate, and wine. That’s the romantic sign. Can I get one that also says “she would like you to bring home dinner”?

Lisleman, oh, that, too! There are a lot of people who don’t read at all. Always blows my mind.

Kreg, I believe I have a previous post on the need for Chore Monkeys (especially the one that runs for cigarettes!). Great minds think alike.

Giantspeckledchihuahua, ah, the Post-It note!

Mouthy Irish, I would definitely stop by that house. :-D

Pearl said...

Fingers, How delightfully kinky of you. :-)

♥ Braja said...

You're hilarious Pearl...

Ugich Konitari said...

The folks digging up our already dug up road (to ensure a further year of trouble) , in the name of infrastructure development, hve put up a massive sign saying "Please bare with us"......

Michelle said...

How about the sign:



Pearl said...

Braja, hilarious? Sometimes. Looking for guidance from inanimate objects? Yes.

Ugich Konatari, "Please bare with us". A call for nudity in the streets! What a world!

Michelle, awwww! :-)

Douglas said...

I had to leave one more comment (because, as anyone who knows will tell you, I don't know when to shut up).

I was walking up to the door to work one morning when I saw a young, uh, "busty" woman walking toward me wearing a very loosely knitted sweater. Probably knowing that everyone would see her bra underneath (her not wearing a blouse beneath it and all), she left that item off also in order to save her the embarrassment. I nearly applauded her cleverness but I was busy rolling my tongue back up in my mouth.

Thanks for the compliment on my new pic. The "laughing, cheerful, guy wasn't the real me anyway.

Pearl said...

Oh, Douglas! What a visually disturbing picture THAT paints!

There's something about leaving a little to the imagination -- or perhaps leaving it out of consideration in the first place! -- that does not come into play often enough...

Aria said...

If you declare your blog a business, maybe you could get the Small Business Administration to give you one... or at least maintain the one you could buy with the SBA loan... But there is a recession going on, you'd probably have to wait till several of the lightbulbs were out until they came to repair it and then depending on the original wordage of the sign it might turn into something sleazy or socially unacceptable with the burnt out bulbs... OK, it's obvious I need meds now.