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Tuesday, June 23, 2009

The Proper Term is “Phoning It In”

Look at me, over here, working all hard and such.

That’s the problem with taking a vacation, isn’t it? While one’s off drinking margaritas, silently mocking others (who in return are often silently mocking you in return), petting the kitties, and generally going about my personal business, other people have continued to go to work.

Do you believe that? How the people I work with have carried on without me has altered my perception of just how important I am here at Amalgamated Priapism.

What’s that, you say? They’ve filled their own printer with paper/ink? Someone else has set up their meetings, pinned their little mittens to their jackets?

Honestly, I thought I was a much bigger player.

I keed, I keed. I do so much more than safety-pinning mittens to jackets. There’s the Hairiest Admin Competition come fall, and the Planning Committee for the Planning of Committees, and, um – well, there’s a list here somewhere of all the lovely things I do, and if you’re not careful, I’ll send it to you.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I had 187 unread e-mails when I got in Monday morning, 62 of which I was unable to get to by the end of the day.

Already I'm sorry I came back.

20 comments:

powdergirl said...

I think the rest of us are sorry you went back to work too.
We just want you to sit at your pc and tell us stories all day : )

ps. I could totally use someone to pin my little mittens to my jacket for me.

Jess said...

There is nothing more I love than a vacation...there is nothing more I hate than coming back from one. However, we are one day closer to the weekend!!

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Being a chemist and someone who has a passion for dabbling in the Classics, the name "Amalgamated Priapism" brought to mind some rather...unseemly...mixtures of metals.

The Retired One said...

Oh, how I DON'T miss the corporate/working world.
You are RIGHT ON about the planning meeting for the planning....
the meetings are RIDICULOUS and a waste of time. If there were less meetings, most folks would get twice as much productivity.
Oh well, not my world anymore.
Don't hate me...I spent the morning on our pontoon boat cruising our 97-mile shoreline of our lake in 80 degree balmy weather, spotting geese and ducks floating on it.
God, I am so blessed to be retired!

Pearl said...

powdergirl, I'll pin your mittens PLUS make reservations for dinner.
Or bring it in in a brown paper bag and eat on the back steps. Either way!

Jess, and since I am no longer working on (or being paid for) Fridays, I really have no excuse for my faux-crabbiness over here. :-) Luckily I'm going to lunch in about a half-hour!

iNDefatigable, I was wondering if anyone would notice. :-D

Retired One, you certainly are! I'm okay with being at work today, actually, as the Heat Index in Mpls today is supposed to hit 105. It's stupid hot out there, and since we don't run the air conditioning, it's either here, the movies, or dinner out unless you want to lay on the floor panting...

mrwriteon said...

I've always been sorry to go back, which I have been doing this week after a week in the sun in San Diego.

Pop and Ice said...

Believe me, you need to be at work to pin on the mittens because, dammit, they hate the ones that have the string! I had various admin jobs about 12 years ago and now that I'm jobless I can't even get consideration for an admin job. Tis a sorry state of affairs our country is in.

My husband was busy planning mini-vacations last night that I'm wondering how we're going to afford since I've been out of work since January. But I guess since he managed to buy me those spiffy pearl and diamond earrings for my birthday, he's got money squirreled away somewhere!

Not Always About Monkeys said...

I worked with another admin (as I am, too, and admin) and she said our job was "Wiping noses and asses" I like your "pinning mittens" analogy better, I think. More sanitary.

De Campo said...

Any holiday in which one dedicates a substantial amount of time to petting the cat is a good one in my book.

Suldog said...

Amalgamated Priapism? Major LOL. You're my new hero!

Pearl said...

mrwriteon, I've been to San Diego -- witnessed what I believed at the time (and still) to be an attempted murder -- and the beaches there are hard to turn away from.
Man, now that I think about that, I really need to write that story...

Pop and Ice, welcome, Fellow Admin! (insert secret handshake here) Sorry to hear that you're having a hard time finding a job -- and here I am considering leaving mine. Hey! If I leave, could we interest you in moving to Mpls for it?!

Not Always About Monkeys...
First, are you sure? About the monkeys? Because I'm quite fond of them...
Second, another Fellow Admin! Quite the literary group, ain't we? SO many bloggers are in the, uh, Support Arts...

De Campo, Liza Bean Bitey (of the Minneapolis Biteys) and Dolly Gee Squeakers (formerly of the Humane Society Squeakers) would both agree with you -- especially if they were sitting on your lap whilst scheming ways to get your margarita for themselves...

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

there you go! 187 emails in one day...they were really panicking without you!

Pearl said...

Roshni, that was 187 in four days -- and a large chunk of my work was done by someone else while I was gone!!

But yes, I'm sure that they were panicking without me! :-)

@eloh said...

How many of those e-mails are trying to talk you into growing a larger penis?

Pearl said...

@eloh, what do you mean, "trying"?!
Don't tell me I wasted my money!!!

Sweet Cheeks said...

Pearl~

It was me. *hangs head in shame*
I sent you individual e-mails of the 187 best infomercial products available on e-bay.

Sorry.
(I still say you need the Shark Cordless vacuum)
;-)

Not The Rockefellers said...

At one of my old jobs I was in the unfortunate block of cubicles right next to the unisex bathroom...
I put up with living near that olfactory nightmare because I was a good sport.

and they needed me at that post...

I would be forever asked if there was more TP, soap, paper towels... I became the janitor by location,and if the water continually ran it was me who saved the company big $$$ by constantly jiggling the handle.

When I got laid off I wondered who would pick up my torch?

Who would jiggle that handle?

I bet they missed my silent service...

'cuz I'm the mommy, that's why! said...

I'm not officially Admin, but my line of work involves a great deal of that type of mitten-pinning and nose wiping...
I like to think of it as having 45 bastard children whose daddies won't pay child support...

Jocelyn said...

But you HAD to come back because they NEED you.

Oy.

Gadjo Dilo said...

I just came back off vacation too, Pearly; in my own miserable case the worst thing is that nobody notices, nobody says "hello" or asks how it was or says "my, haven't you got a nice tan!" I know I shouldn't go on like this but, again, I just want to kill them.