I've contributed to perhaps the best humor compilation I've ever read. Available now on Amazon!

My second chapbook, "The Second Book of Pearl: The Cats" is now available as either a paper chapbook or as a downloadable item. See below for the Pay Pal link or click on its cover just to the right of the newest blog post to download to your Kindle, iPad, or Nook. Just $3.99 for inspired tales of gin, gambling addiction and inter-feline betrayal.

My first chapbook, I Was Raised to be A Lert is in its third printing and is available both via the PayPal link below and on smashwords! Order one? Download one? It's all for you, baby!

Friday, June 5, 2009

It’s Practically Our Anniversary

I got to thinking about you last night. You, with your two ears and those arms and the way you squint in the early morning; and I thought to myself, how could I have been so selfish? Maybe it's not just about me getting my future told by Friday's iPod line-up, maybe you need your weekend plans forecasted, too. Maybe the iPod has something to say about your future, huh?

Y’ever think of that, Pearl?

I didn't think so.

And now that I have thought of it:

Frank’s Wild Years by Tom Waits
Saturday Night by Kaiser Chiefs
Fake Plastic Trees by Radiohead
Shotgun by Southern Culture on the Skids
Kick Out the Jams by MC5
Universal Mind Control by Common
ABC by The Jackson 5

Wow. You sound a little crazy.

If only there was a polka in there and maybe some Hank Williams, huh?! Could your future get more schizophrenic?

I’m sorry. That’s just how it is. (And when it all goes crazy and you see that I was right, don’t call me for bail. You still owe me from last time.)

So! Where was I?

Oh, yes. Welcome to your weekend, everyone. I don’t know about you, but Minnesota is in the mid- to high-70s these days (that’s, like, 13 hectares in the Metric System, I believe).

And that reminds me.

Today is my 340th straight post. Weird, huh? There are technically 346 of them, but after the first 6 I went on vacation and took five days off.

I was exhausted.

Ha ha.

There should be a celebration of some sort, don't you think? I’m pretty sure I owe every reader I have at least one beer apiece – and some of you I’ve promised dances to.

Having gone recently to a 32-hour workweek, though, what can I offer?

If only you’d caught me earlier. I used to be staggeringly wealthy.

Too bad ya missed that.

Nevertheless, I’m feeling sentimental today, and I’d like to get you something.

But what?


IB said...

I was recently impressed with myself for post 7 in a row without a nervous breakdown and without benefit of mood-altering substances (aka beer).

But now I see how very small I am. 340?!! Sheesh, that is 1 very-high bar. Speaking of bars....I better get me to 1 and quick. Getting my head around the enormity of your accomplishment is going to require a lot of thoughtful drinking.

Congrats! and WoooHooo!


Sweet Cheeks said...

Hi Pearl~

I'm not greedy. I would be happy with you saying...

"Hey Wendella! Have a smashing weekend, Baby!"

And 340 posts is equal to 4080 book pages in novel years.

Good Job Sister! :)

Kristine said...

You and I have similar taste in music, so naturally I know love you more.

Especially with this MC5 nonsense. I was just watching that video the other day. SO awesome. In a can't-look-away kind of way. Song's good too.

mbuna53 said...

If you really feel like getting me something, you could get me a blog posting. Oh wait, you already did. Thanks.

Have a fun Friday. I'm off for a bike ride, see ya.

Douglas said...

It'll be your anniversary, not ours. We should give you something. Hmmm, but what to give the woman who has everything (brains, beauty, talent, an Ipod)?

How about a virtual beer apiece? On me.

Ann's Rants said...

Yes, Pearl. You deserve a very large beer. Perhaps out of a boot, shared with deer friends. And dear friends for that matter.

These five am mornings are killing me.

Congratulations on your wonderful body of work!

Eskimo Bob said...

Pearl -

Sentimentality kicks ass! It's just so visceral and intense. . . wait - what am I talking about?

You know what I miss most about MN? Chicken and Wild Rice soup - it's just not the same anywhere else.

Nearly a year eh? I'm still a few months behind you - and I most certainly don't post everyday - you can send me a request on what you'd like to see on EBL - I'll do my best.


mrwriteon said...

Have a wonderful weekend. It is over 30 degrees here in that French temperature metric business imposed on us for the sake of national solidarity, though nobody asked me and I am still seething with resentment. That is about 420 in farenheit. At least we're going to the US at the end of next week where at least you're sensible about temperatures and distances. Oh, I loooove driving in 'miles.'

mapstew said...

Just send some of your weather! We've had our summer, a week of glorious sunshine, 27 degrees (imperial), back to <10 deg tomorrow. Happy congrats on you many posts!

SweetPeaSurry said...

Right now I'd like an air mattress to use to sleep under my desk. I don't know WHY I'm so sleepy today!

Pearl said...

IB, well don’t go all crazy and drink it all yourself! Save one for me!

Hey, Wendella! Have a smashing weekend, baby! :-D
And I mean that.

Kristine, MC5! Even more amazing when you consider just how long ago that was!

Mbuna, it was a bee-yoo-tee-ful day, too. Hope you had a great ride.

Douglas, a virtual beer?! Oh, sure. A couple of those and I’ll be bumming virtual cigs…

Ann, I know! I feel for you. I have been reading you but have not had time to comment properly.
I would be most pleased to share a boot with you. :-D

Eskimo Bob, I would like to see a blog from you on the lack of professional sports in Alaska. Come on! You guys can afford it! What’s up with that?

Mrwriteon, you’re coming to the U.S.! What fun. What part of it? The weather’s been absolutely beautiful here, although we are well below what we should have in rain by now.

Mapstew, thank you, sir. :-D

SweetPea, what you NEED is one of those panels under your desk like George had in Seinfeld, something with a little bed and an alarm clock!

Joyce & Dorothy said...

I think you need a drink. C'mon over...

Kavi said...

340 straight posts ! In another two weeks, that would be a year.

Its only so much. Seems like i know you more...!!

And ofcourse..what can you give me..!! Well, i will keep that in abeyance until you announce that you are coming here for sure.

And then the demand would be made !


Pearl said...

Joyce, how're your margaritas?!

Kavi, I am still saving!

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

I don't know how you do it, but do it you do! Working full-time myself now, I can barely manage posting, let along reading my fave blogs (one of them being yours, of course). I need a clone.

Joanna Jenkins said...

340!!!!!! A M A Z I N G!!!! Congratulations and thanks for the laughs and memories! More please.