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Friday, June 26, 2009

I Don’t Like Walking in the Rain, Either

I’ve been trying to stay hydrated.

And as a quick aside, when did we start using the word “hydrated”?

This is what happens when Marketing gets a hold of the language.

But enough – we’ll discuss benchmarking at our next meeting.

Drinking water has never been easy for me. And milk? No. Unless it comes with chocolate, ice cream, and malt, I don’t “do” milk. The boy in my kindergarten class that required his milk warm put me off it for the rest of my life.

The smell of warm milk still makes me want to take a nap on a small rug.

I’m not the only one. My parents are water-resistant as well – my father refuses to bathe until the Vikings win the Super Bowl.

OK. That’s not true. Dad bathes once a week whether he needs it or not.

So how does one reconcile this personal aversion to water with the scads of humans now roaming the streets clutching plastic water bottles?

And do I have to?

Look, I know it’s good for me. I know it’s good for my skin, for my organs, for the water-bottling industry. I know all of this.

But left to my own devices, it’s quite possible that the only water I’ll drink during a day is what falls down my throat while I’m brushing my teeth.

I’ve been working on this for a good 10 years now, this awareness that I should be drinking water, after once sitting, Texas lakeside, in temperatures well above 100 degrees. After I stopped making sense to the people around me – and go ahead, I realize that’s a big ol' softball I just pitched right down the middle – someone pinched the skin on my hand. When it stayed “pinched”, someone else started yelling at someone else “who’s watching the Yankee?”; and I was placed in an air-conditioned car with several large bottles of water.

You’d think that would teach me.

But you’d be wrong.

Me and water still have an on-again-off-again relationship.

As my Dad says, “You can tell a member of our family, but you can’t tell ‘em much.”


darsden said...

LOL too funny, I cannot stand milk either...only milk I get is what I cook with!

Water on the other hand, actually is in my hand just about 24/7 gotta have it. I drink at least 6 bottles of 20oz water a day :-))

darsden said...

what do you drink ?

darsden said...

I have been doing a lot of lemonade since the temps are triple digits around here!

Under the Influence said...

I drink unsweetened iced tea. I figure that counts for water, since it's the main ingredient. It's kind of like flavored water, right?

Patricia said...

Adding a lemon wedge helps tremendously. Add to that a little Splenda or sugar and you have yerself some tasty water!

f8hasit said...

I examine 'diets' before starting them. If htey say "drink 8 glasses of water a day"...no way.
I take this one vitamin and it says to take it with 8oz. of water. I would assume so it makes it all the way down my gullet...but I figure one sip and it'll slide the rest of the way. I'm not drinking any more than that.
I too, suffer from de-hydration, or hydration aversion..however you want to spin it.

Not The Rockefellers said...

I drink too much water and not enough milk..I can't stand the hugchhhh ( that's a sound) I get from it. Do ya drink beer? There's water in that..

Choose beer as your hydration beverage of choice.

Peace - Rene

Joanna Jenkins said...

Very funny!
Water and I go way back-- I literally drink a couple of gallons a day... which is why I'm so happy about my new Toto toilet :-)
Now go drink SOMETHING to stay hydrated!!!!

DouglasDyer said...

Scotch and water. I know it's bending the rules but I really don't care.

Pop and Ice said...

There's very little that I don't like to drink. But I don't like shakes or smoothies. Any drink that adds milk or ice cream or yogurt to the mix is verboten!

I might be able to help you on the drinking water problem. 1) Do not drink out of plastic, disposable bottles. You're contributing to our garbage crisis. 2) Add lemon or lime slices easily to your ice water. Simply buy a bag of lemons, slice thinly and place on a cooky sheet and place in the freezer. Once frozen, remove slices from cooky sheet into plastic freezer bag and seal. You will always have lemon/lime available to flavor your water. 3) Buy or use a reusable travel mug for your lemon water.
4) Last resort - Make koolaid or lemonade and drink that! It's always yummy, but more calories (like I care!).

Eric said...

I'm with DougD on this one, a little ice melting in the the MacCallan 15 is healthier than tofu on a treadmill.

Anonymous said...

You know I used to drink water like it was going out of style because it's good for you. Then one day I thought "Wait a second. I don't LIKE water. It's wet and it's cold but it has no pleasing, tastiness I usually require from my food items!" I replaced it with Crystal light and Diet Pepsi. I prefer the CHEMICALS you see!

As for milk I have the following requirements.

Milk must not be:

1) Flavoured anything but "milk" flavoured
2) In a milkshake
3) Above Arctic ice temperature
4) Lumpy (unless the lumps are ice)
5) Sour

Warty Mammal said...

Feh. Milk. No.

Water. Hmmmm. Perhaps one could work up to it by eating watermelon, if necessary by injecting vodka into it?

Douglas said...

I tend toward gin and tonic. You see, "tonic" is actually called "tonic water" (even though it's bubbly). And unsweet iced tea. Water is something I consume on the golf course because (1) it's free, (2) it doesn't cost $2 (like a beer or soda would) and (3) I usually forget to bring some Gatorade (which is not free but tastes better). I do not drink gin and tonic on the golf course because people complain when I barf, giggling, in the hole.

Chris@Maugeritaville said...

I actually drink a lot of water, and I've recently discover the Aquafina Flavored Water that has no calories, no carbs, no nothing but good taste (note: Aquafina, you can send me the check now).

Eskimo Bob said...

But milk is so good for you. It tastes kinda weird - not good, not bad - comes from a TEAT!

How awesome is that?!?!

From. a. FREEKIN'. TEAT!

It makes your spit all thick and if you're doing some physical exertion you'll be spitting loogees that taste like milk.

How awesome is that!?!?

I'm not sold either.

Suldog said...

Yeah, I know the feeling. I drink coffee all day at work, and have to remind myself to drink some water or else I'll be all grinding-teeth and headache by 7pm.

Madame DeFarge said...

Oh, the great water drinking cabal at work. It never rests. If I'm not seen to be drinking water, there are disapproving looks all round. If I drink diet Pepsi, I'm practically excommunicated from the team.

The Retired One said...

I didn't think there was another person on the face of this earth that felt that way.
I cannot do water either, and could never figure out how people can haul around the bottles and drink it all day!
Ice in my drinks is the only way I compensate....be it diet coke and ice, lemonade and ice or a mixed drink and ice. I'm ok with that!

@eloh said...

I've been buying the small bottles of water...has to do with our city having 88 water violations, far more, like about 80 more than any other place in the entire country.

Anyway, I get them really cold and try to down them...it contributes directly to better health because it forces running to the potty many times a day in the useless attempt to avoid wet pants.

Forced exercise and hydration...it's a win win situation.

Fancy Schmancy said...

I didn't read the comments, so I've no idea if anyone else suggested this. My sister also has water issues, she won't drink anything unless it's in the form of coffee. Additionally, she has sodium and bloating issues, so she needs to flush her system more regularly. We started getting her to drink Crystal Light because it comes in a variety of flavors with no calories, fat, sodium or caffeine. It seems to be working for her.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

I drink a lot of water. And iced tea.

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

I hate milk too! I'm so happy I'm an adult and don't need to have two glasses per day!
I vote for drinking margaritas ONLY!!

♥ Braja said...

I have a soft little rug for you, all warm and padded, with a delicious cup of hot milk sitting right nearby.....comin' over?

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

The thought of someone needing their milk warmed made me gag a little. And for me, that's an accomplishment. Well done, Bobby Parker, or whatever the kids' name was.

Just tell people you're drinking coke because it keeps you "perihydrated". That'll throw them off enough that you'll be well away before someone says, "Hey, what?"

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Oh, and in case anyone from before decides to read the comments later, your body can pull water out of pretty much anything you drink. That's why your poop comes out solid(ish) rather than liquid because the colon's main chore is to suck the remaining water out.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Oh, and the colon's other job is to make you pause, such as before a list.

tee hee

Kristina P. said...

I like to drink bottled water. It's delicious and it helps on my quest to destroy the earth.

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

I think people are entirely too hydrated these days.

At the school where I taught, a little girl wandered into the office on a hot day and proclaimed, "Oh my gosh! I'm so dehydrated!" I walked her to the water fountain and pointed at it, and walked away.

Dehydrated? What happened to good ol' thirsty? Did she diagnose herself??

Anonymous said...


I love water - but hate milk.

Suzy said...

Water is a must for 2 reasons, dehydration and you look better (my personal favorite) The older we get the more we need. If you were dumped in a desert right now, you would die first cuz your organs would shrivel faster.

Water plumps out the lines on your face. All that being said, I can only drink 6 glasses a day because its boring.

Adrian's Crazy Life said...

I'm with you, I HATE water - blech! I don't care if it's hot, cold, lemonized, bottled, or filtered, it's just dull and boring and I hate drinking it. Plus I already make way too many potty runs as it is.

I try to make up the difference with decaf tea, Crystal light, and the occasional diet Coke (I worked briefly for Coke 20 years ago, so I simply cannot type it as Diet Coke or any other way - they made me sign an agreement on the first day of work. Funny how things stick with you. They were SO strict - we weren't even allowed to bring KFC or Taco Bell into the building because they are owned by Pepsi).