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Sunday, May 17, 2009

Hey! Wait’ll Ya Get A Hold of the Fresh, New Scent!

The following may – may! – fall under the heading of “The Market is Out of Control”, “Too Much Information”, or perhaps even “Pearl, Your Mother Must Be So Proud”…

But I’m gonna do it anyway. Not because I don’t like you – because I do, I really do – but because I am boggled.

Befuddled.

Incredulous.

And when this happens, when incredulity strikes? Honey, I just need to know. I need to know what you think, what others think. I need to know if I’m the only one who thinks this is nuts or if the reasonable explanation is right in front of me and I just don’t see it.

To wit: We are all fully aware that I am female, yes? And that females require what are euphemistically called “feminine hygiene products”, yes?

Did you know that there are pads/serviettes/toallas that now come lemon-scented?

Because the ability to get these products scented? Hey! That plays heavily into my shopping habits. That is what I ask myself whilst standing in the My-Husband-Will-Be-Standing-In-Front-Of-The-Frozen-Pizzas-While-I-Figure-This-Out Section: Can I get my monthly-necessaries with a fresh, lemon-y scent?

Since this has come to my attention, oh, 20 minutes ago, I’ve been fighting off the wrinkle-producing “WTF Face” I’m prone to making whenever confronted with things that insult my intelligence.

Lemon-scented feminine hygiene products: When your crotch absolutely positively must smell citrus-fresh.

What if I much prefer an outdoorsy, pine scent?

What else is out there that I don’t know about?

34 comments:

darsden said...

Rotflmao..bawhahahahaha... OMG!! Too funny Pearl, I used Ponds lemon cold creme to my other kept complaining why do you always smell like lemons when you come to bed..OMG, I am dying here...least it was just my face :-)) I haven't used lemon cold creme since! Now howeven Mr. Clean in Lemon ...me and him have a thang going on ;-)

The Retired One said...

Well, lets just get equal rights here and have lemon or pine scented condoms. Because as all companies tell us ladies, it is good to feel lemony fresh inside AND out.
Good Lord! What next?????
(standing next to you in the grocery store with the WTF face).

The Jules said...

Strawberry-infused toilet paper - for that after-motion fruity winking starfish that's all the rage in Hollywood!

Banana-pianos - for when your piano HAS to be banana-y.

You're right. Odd.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

As long as somene brought up condoms, I think they should smell like dark chocolate.

ladyfi said...

LOL!

I too have that WTF face... very very unnecessary to have citrus products... I mean, who would want to put all those chemicals so near one's .. er.. privates?

Warty Mammal said...

Unless those things come with an entire tree, I don't think they'll make much difference for some of us.

My personal favorite: lavender-scented bug spray. Because that's what I want to do, stick around and sniff poison.

Douglas said...

I think the person who thought this up was having dinner at Capn D's.

I'll slap my own face for that one.

whatan@hole said...

Lemon, it's the number one side for any fish dish.

Irish Gumbo said...

Brings a whole new meaning to 'wetnap'...could make polishing the furniture an interesting experience...wait, 'polish the furniture', isn't that a euphemism for...oh, never mind...eep...

@pseudo: I saw some chocolate flavored condoms once...I di not get close enough to find out if they smelled like chocolate.

Not The Rockefellers said...

Yes I have tried them...lemon scented.

Sunkist Kotex

A days serving of vitamin C
You are protected against scurvvy and rickets.
Pucker up fresh
No waxy yellow build-up
And Ohh, does it ever shine!

Just kidding...

I prefer not to marinade as I menstruate.

Peace - Rene

whatan@hole said...

I must add that I did not mean for my comment to sound as "crude" as it came out.

It's a hard job market out there, you would have thought that SOMEBODY on the marketing staff would have smacked down this "foody" idea way down the line. Of course, it doesn't say much for the heads of the company either.

darsden said...

OMG Rene that is friggin hilarious!

Kevin Musgrove said...

You need to check out the additives in the small print of ingredients. There are some parts of the body you don't want to have Attention Deficit Disorder...

Kate Coveny Hood said...

Oh lord... I though we were done with this when douche commercials went off the air.

mo.stoneskin said...

I find the quickest way to smell of lemons is to bath in water with lemon juice. It also makes my skin itch...

SweetPeaSurry said...

Really? I want my girl parts smelling like something I sprinkle over fish for dinner? No ... I don't think so. They couldn't pick Jasmine? or Rose? or Animal Magnatism scent? It HAD to be lemony-fresh. Even LINEN scented would have been preferable.

Jeez. I'm so pleased I stick a plunger up me during that 'special' time.

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Well if you'll pardon me for saying so, that gives sour p... well you get the idea a whole new meaning.

Sorry. I couldn't help myself. *hanging my head in shame*

♥ Braja said...

LEMON??????

Eskimo Bob said...

FINALLY!! You know - I thought of this back in 1994. . . along with the bacon scented toilet water.

I'm also trying to get the patent on lemon flavored sunshine - looks like some Japanese scientist beat me to that one. . .

Sweet Cheeks said...

Thank God somebody invented that!

I'm so sick of stuffing a half lemon up my....

;-)

Just kidding...

Naughty Cheeks~

Pearl said...

Darsden, you and Mr. Clean, huh? :-D A woman after my own heart!

Retired One, it just keeps getting more interesting, doesn’t it?

The Jules, the winking starfish. :-D That’s the weirdest thing I’ve heard today – and one of the more satisfying.

Pseudonymous, I’ve notified my contacts at Godiva. They’ll be in touch!

Ladyfi, things have taken an ugly twist, have they not? And we’ve only scratched the surface of ridiculous product possibilities!

Warty Mammal, the guys in Marketing are working overtime to come up with new smells for our buying displeasure…

Douglas, Cap’n Ds?

whatan@hole! LOL!! I was wondering if anyone was going to grab that one!

Irish, oh, you are too funny!

Rene, LOL! Remember that commercial for Palmolive dish soap? “You’re soaking in it!” Good ol’ Madge. We need a commercial in that same vein for these lemon-scented maxi-pads…

whatan@hole, no explanation necessary, honey. :-D I thought it was very funny and took it in the spirit I’m sure it was intended. I read your blog fairly often and enjoy your point of view!

Darsden, isn’t Rene funny?!

Kevin, can you imagine the problems that could arise?! I have enough going on keeping my brain in line – I don’t need my genitals causing problems!

Kate, you know, they HAVE gone off the air, haven’t they? I guess I hadn’t noticed. I don’t miss them. But I did totally miss the word “scented” on the package in the supermarket…

Mo.stoneskin, I know that “Lemon Verbena” was a popular scent for the pioneers, but I’ve never particularly wanted to smell of lemons!

SweetPea, I believe in the appropriate use of all the hygiene products available, but making them scented? I just don’t get it!

Smart Mouth Broad, very clever! :-D

Braja, lemon. Boggles the mind, doesn’t it?

Eskimo Bob, lemon-scented sunshine – I think they were passing that around at parties in the 70s, weren’t they?!

Pearl said...

Sweet Cheeks!
The envelope, please, for Most Creative Use of a Fruit...

mapstew said...

zing!

IB said...

Pearl,

You slay me.

IB

Pearl said...

mapstew, I know! Refreshing!

IB, and that makes me glad. :-D

Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub said...

omg. Someone was terribly misguided in their marketing dept. And whoever commented "lemon goes great with fish" deserves a prize! Or a slap! Or both!! ;-)

Too funny.

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

That would be an experience I'm sure. Can't say I've ever seen those! And don't you hate the WTF face? I hate it when people don't know I'm doing the WTF face and just think I look like that.

fingers said...

Is the idea here to give your smoo the weeklong aroma of fresh lemons, or simply to make the disgusting habit of sniffing a used pad more palatable...

heartinsanfrancisco said...

I've been offended for years that Madison Ave. wants women to believe we are nasty-smelling creatures in desperate need of artificial scents in every orifice.

Definitely pine. Less likely to double as a bug repellent.

Sarah Lulu said...

Oh dear that made me laugh ...I don't think we have lemon scented in Australia ..although I could be wrong!

Lisa said...

oh dear- i cant imagine why we need our bits to smell like citrus........being very spiritual by nature, i am looking for frankincense scented myself ........

kimber p said...

I've never understood why just PLAIN SOAP AND WATER isn't good enough!?? Why must we smell like lemons, flowers, breezes, and rainforests?

I'm just bitchin cuz they haven't come up with chocolate yet....

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

I totally support Retired one's proposal!!

That Baldy Fella said...

They tried both Rancid Badger and Convicted Felon scented feminine hygiene products but they just didn't sell well.