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Friday, May 29, 2009

And They Didn’t Win THAT Super Bowl, Either

Don’t you just love Fridays? Mmmm. Take a big deep breath. You smell that? That’s Friday goodness, redolent with promise.

As usual, I devote Friday’s blog to divining the future from my iPod (about as reliable as any other source, including “making plans”) and telling some random story from my life.

You know. Basically just wasting your precious time.

But what does the iPod have to say about that? Eeny meeny jelly beanie, the Spirits are about to speak!

Darling by Sons and Daughters
Magic Bus by The Who
Everybody’s Everything by Santana
Respect by Aretha Franklin
Suddenly… (I Miss Carpaty) by Gogol Bordello
London Calling by The Clash
The Distance by CAKE
On the Take by Bridge Club

But what’s it mean? Or as a high school teacher used to ask us: But how does it make you feel?

How’s it make me feel? Makes me feel like skipping class!

And here comes the weekend…

In response to the delightful economy, I and my irreverent friend Mary will be cleaning a home on Saturday. Ah! If only the home-owner knew how much fun we have while doing it. It doesn’t seem like work when you’re laughing, does it?

So! You got time for a quick one? A silly little story and then really, I’ve got to go…

My parents, back in the late 70s and during the time of the Purple People Eaters (the Viking’s defensive line – a football team, to you outlanders) hosted a number of Super Bowl parties. This in itself is a bit of a joke, as while the Minnesota Vikings have managed to play in quite a few Super Bowls, they’ve never managed to win one…

It was during one of these parties that my Aunt Pat and Uncle Mark brought their son Eric. Cousin Eric was, and is, a funny and strangely deadpan person. At the time, however, he was maybe four years old and inclined toward running small toy cars up and over things.

“Vroom vroom vroom,” Eric ran the little car up and around the TV set, which in accordance with the times, was a large piece of furniture roughly the size of a Volkswagen.

This will come as a surprise to some of you, but at the time there was no television remote as we know it today. “Remotes” back then were called “children”; and if you wanted to turn the volume in any direction you had only to shout at the nearest child and he/she was forced, by unwritten law, to do your bidding. There was also no such thing as cable – at least not where we were from. It was a horrid, mean existence. Not many of us lived.

Where was I?

Oh, yes. Eric’s car.

My dad, not particularly long-suited in patience, took as much as he could of Eric running that car up and over the screen and finally asked him, “Eric, how would you like to eat that car?”

Eric stopped what he was doing and considered it. Blinking solemnly he said, “I would not like to eat this car. But I would like to lick it.”


Have a great night everyone! Come back soon -- and tell your friends!

25 comments:

Dr Zibbs said...

The Clash rocks!!

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Looks like you're taking a trip in a van this weekend.

My son is at that stage with the cars, though he doesn't defile the television with them. However, as I told my friend Joe (whose son just got a train set), he does litter the exits with trains and cars so that they impale my feet upon their tiny little sharp edges in the dark when whimpering and whining erupts during the middle of the night.

Hooray!

powdergirl said...

I think I might like to lick a car today too!

And maybe I'll eat some sand, for old times sake.

We 'grown-ups' forget about the simple pleasures.

giantspeckledchihuahua said...

GAH!!! How did that happen?? I had forgotten i was once a remote control...not very often, though, because I amd my siblings (5 of them) used to fight over who was going to change the channel. Being the 2wnd to youngest, I didn't win very often.

this is yet one more reason why obesity has taken over the world!!! One less reason to work off steam with the siblings and one less reason to get up off your duff....

Kate Coveny Hood said...

I have a son who would would happily lick anything you ask him to. Unless it's a green vegetable of course...

darsden said...

funny...I remember being the remote control too..I would be summons from the back of the house of outside by Al screaming...I would run and he would say turn that to channel !!! I was so angry... messed up my barbie time.. I quit after a while ...played like I was deaf!

good songs Pearl..Magic Bus.. I miss the bus!!! (oh sorry didn't mean to scream that) LOL

Chris @ Maugeritaville said...

One of my unwritten rules is "Never ask a kid a rhetorical question."

They ANSWER them.

maureen said...

I should have my kids read this post; they don't believe me when I tell them about the "clicker-less" days.
What is it with boys and cars. At 8 mos old someone handed my son a toy car. He rolled it across the floor for hours at a time, "Vrooom."
How do they know to do this???

nsiyer said...

On Friday evenings I come back home whistling. Everyone thinks I was happy at work. I know I am happy because of the weekend.

Jess said...

Happy Beer:30 allllll weekend long!!

Suldog said...

GREAT little story, and so true about children being the remote. MY WIFE, to this day, still riles at the thought of her Dad stretched out on the couch and having her do the channel-changing for him.

Douglas said...

Pearl, that was not your high school teacher, it was your anger management counselor. BTW, I don't recognize two/thirds of those songs. Sad, huh?

And Maureen? It just seemed like hours.

Suzy said...

"remotes were called children"

That made me laugh, the whole post was funny.

erin said...

'redolent'! You totally just used that word, and properly too. Nice jobby job.

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

Pearl, I would love to clean ahouse with you sometime...not only do I love cleaning (therapeutic!), I would love to hear you belt out stories like these one after the other!
Hope I can visit one day!!

Amber Star said...

I guess we have come full circle about television size. We have a 62" hd tv that totally dominates one wall...approximating the size of the VW. It does rock though.

mrwriteon said...

When I was teaching high school English I never once asked a student how anything made him/her feel. Maybe that was my problem, but it was based on two factors a)I didn't care how something made a 16 year old feel and b)it's the sort of question shrinks and counselors ask, making one feel an overwhelming urge to slap them. "There, how does that make 'you' feel?"

Sucharita Sarkar said...

LOL, dad's are like that only!!!

Lovely choice of songs!

Debbie said...

That is a great comeback! You go Eric.
Have a great Friday.

KMcJoseph said...

As you may or may not have inferred from my blog's name, I LOVE The Clash.

Also loved your story.

Also am glad that you are funny and not slutty as your "network" has informed me.

La Belette Rouge said...

I think your Ipod is saying: Darling( you), take a bus and respect your impulse to go to London. Yes, it is a distance but when you get there take the bridge.

mapstew said...

1. 'London Calling', I'm a punk again, pogo'ing at the 'club' in Limerick.

2. I came from a time of 'One Channel Land'. T.V. started at 6p.m., and finished at 11.30! ONE channel!

3. VERY funny story 'bout yer cousin!

Jocelyn said...

If I just tell all of my many personalities about your blog and terrific storytelling, that alone assures you of 22 readers.

I'll make sure everyone of them, including Sybil, leaves a comment.

That is SUCH a story. Way to go, Eric!

Oh, and I'm bummed you couldn't watch my latest vids at work (but, er, maybe when you clean house tomorrow you can...), simply because they have moments of featuring my Niblet, who pretty much needs to come foster at your castle.

♥ Braja said...

Oh good one, Eric :)) Lick that ... er...convertible...(?)

Not The Rockefellers said...

Oh sweet Jesus in dixie cup, Pearl, I am so weak from laughter I can't believe I can type this!!!

Or even comment.

Classic!

Car licker.

Peace - Rene