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Monday, May 11, 2009

All Right! Who Took My Pen?!

Sandra’s pen has gone missing, and she finds herself using one of an inferior grade.

“The friction is all wrong on this one,” she states. She is at my desk, pushing the imposter across a piece of paper, scribbling examples of ink integrity. “Look at this – on the outside, it looks like my regular pen, right? But it’s not.”

I’m going to go along with her here. If she believes that I know what her usual pen looks like, I’m going to let her believe that.

Hey. We’re friends.

But apparently the two pens are not alike. And I understand that.

I, myself, am the same as Sandra regarding pens, being a mad fan of the Sanford “uni-ball”.

Now that’s a smooth pen, the Sanford uni-ball. Writes like chocolate pudding.

Dwell on that for a moment.

It’s funny, the things we believe we need. I’ve had bosses who require a yellow – not a white – legal pad, a friend who will only eat cheese if it’s melted, an acquaintance who never leaves the house without a little leather pouch containing a medium-sized piece of crystal and “healing gems”.

I don’t ask for much, especially at work. I’d prefer not to share a desk. Picking up your drycleaning is not what is meant by the “duties as needed” line in the job description.

And I’d rather not see you changing your pants.

After 10 – 15 minutes of rummaging, a moment spent grubbing around under her desk, Sandra has found her pen. She has returned to her work, her eyes intent on the paper in front of her, her pen poised.

All is well at work.

All is well this Monday.


Blue Eyes said...

Melted cheese *does* taste a lot different.

The Retired One said...

I know exactly what you mean.
And don't even get me started on going to a movie or a class and not being able to sit where you usually sit....it is just wrong!!
We humans sure are creatures of habit!!!

CSY said...

How funny! When I was ordering supplies for my IT guys I had orders for 5 different pens! F-I-V-E different pens! So glad this Monday is working out well for you!

Pearl said...

Blue Eyes, oh, don't get me wrong! Melted cheese is a beautiful thing, but to not ever eat it unmelted? As a cheese lover, I'm astounded.

Retired One, Oh, I forgot all about that. I personally set up at yoga in the same place (if available), every single time. Hmmmm....

CSY, I believe it! The pen is a very personal thing! :-D

elohssanatahw said...

Pearl, you never fail to crack me up. I also have "special" pens, it never occurred to me what my kids may be thinking when I'm hollering about my pen missing and which one of the little Sxxt's etc.

Jess said...

I am a fan of the melted cheese myself, however, it is rare I turn down any cheese...which directly results in me not having a proper shit. (as noted by your mother as being a cure all...can't say I disagree, it does work wonders!) As far as a pen that writes well, it does something for your mood...I totally agree with having the proper writing gear.

powdergirl said...

Haha. "I See Naked people", the movie in which a job-shifting Minnesota woman sees cheese dripping people in various states of undress and attempts to bring peace to their souls by helping them locate the very specific writing utensil with which they may author the final chapters of their haunted existence, thereby making a final exit from the offices of their naked state, and freeing them to pick up their own damn dry-cleaning.

I know, there's holes in the plot, but I'm feeling a block-buster in your future.

Travis Erwin said...

I can never keep a pen more than a few hours. They come and go like like second rate friends for me.

IB said...

My admin assistant keeps a box of my favorite pens hidden in her desk for me.

They write like vanilla pudding (I prefer it to chocolate)

darsden said...

LOL, I am quilty of it too. I am a uniball fan too and ooooh the Sanford I want some pudding now.

Michelle said...

Who even uses pens these days?


Well maybe for signing stuff but really who??

Douglas said...

Pens are not so important to me but pencils... must be a soft #2 or I am uncomfortable. Smooth as butter on a baby's behind.

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

I do NOT want to dwell on chocolate pudding!!
I do not have any specific requirements but my husband's requirements about food (temperature, width, spice intensity etc) could fill two pages..so won't start!!

Not The Rockefellers said...

Needful Things...we are...of them aren't we?

My husband insists that all mail be opened by "the zip" which is nothing more than a razor balde enshrouded by plastic.

One day zip went missing. And let me tell you it was missed and mourned for about a week.

We found a replacement zip but, Big Ed insists it's just not the same.

R.I.P. Zip.

Peace - Rene

Eskimo Bob said...

Comment No. 15

a mouthy irish woman? ridiculous! said...

wished i'd have seen the changing of the pants. that would have been gooooood.

Madame DeFarge said...

I have to use my fountain pen. I can't use anything else. My writing is neater and my social standing greater than whenever I use a ball point pen. I embrace my snobbery and revel in it.

Joanie M said...

I have to use pens that write in blue ink and have a medium point. I can use the black ink ones but I'm NOT HAPPY about it!

fingers said...

I can only eat melted cheese with a 'Papermate Profile'...

Anonymous said...

I'm so harsh when it comes to judging a pen.

I give it a half hour to warm up (like exercising.)

If it skips more than once or twice after 30 minutes...it's a dud.

To dispose of it properly I gift it to someone I dislike very much in the office....just to get even.

~Evil Cheeks~

Eskimo Bob said...

Evil Cheeks . . . watch that Karma - no. . . not the Kamasutra. . . (shakes head)

Adrian's Crazy Life said...

I totally get it about the pen. If I write with a roller-ball or a felt tip, or even a crummy ballpoint, my handwriting is literally illegible. If I have my favorite fine point RSVP pen, my handwriting is totally different.

Pearl said...

Elohssanatahw, just think of it as giving them future blog material.

Jess, it’s a small thing, my love of my pen, but I’m going to cling to it. I just don’t have that much going on!

Powdergirl, I think you’re imagination rivals my own!

Travis, pens never show up and drink the last of your beer, though, do they?

IB, that woman is no doubt a valuable asset. Don’t forget to take her out for lunch for the Day Formerly Known as Secretary’s Day…

Darsden, save me some puddin’, puddin’!

Oh, Michelle, my friend, you are so young! “Who uses pens?!” Come here so I can pinch your wrinkle-free little cheeks!

Douglas, I’m a fan of the #2 as well. The old standby! Makes ya want to take a test, doesn’t it?

Roshni, but some day I would like to hear about it! Especially the spiciness part. You forget, perhaps, that I live in Minnesota, where, the joke goes, ketchup is considered too spicy for some!

Rene, I feel your husband’s pain. An improperly opened envelope is the stuff of nightmares.

EB, you certainly are. :-D

Mouthy Irish, I’ve witnessed a number of pants-changing. Believe me, some are better than others.

Madame deFarge, I had not considered the drop in social standing with an inferior grade pen…

Joanie, get this woman a blue pen (with a medium point)!

Fingers, OK. I’ve been sitting here for quite a bit, and honestly, I have no smart answer to that.
But I’m going to keep working on it.

Sweet Cheeks, your signature (Evil Cheeks) made me laugh!

EB, you adhere to your beliefs and let Sweet Cheeks adhere to hers!

Adrian, the proper implement makes all the difference, doesn’t it?

heartinsanfrancisco said...

I'm still happily contemplating a pen that writes like chocolate pudding.

Melanie said...

Pens are so personal. Right up there with bike shorts in my book. Very personal.

Pearl said...

heartsinsanfrancisco, wouldn't it be nice if it WROTE in chocolate? Do they have those? Hmmmm.

Melanie, now THAT'S a funny thought!

Chris said...

I am also VERY picky about my pens. I have one in particular that is awesome, ordered from DJB pen company who by the way are not paying me for this endorsement. As long as I keep ordering the refills, I'll have this one forever.

Pearl said...

Chris, oooh! Something distinctively you.
You'll want to not leave that at the scene of the crime...