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Thursday, April 30, 2009

Welcome To The Satellite Simba

A huge black Tom, post-boxing career, works the door at a Vegas casino.

His name is Mao.

“Welcome,” he says. “Welcome.” It sounds an awful lot like he’s saying “Meow. Meow,” but that’s to be expected. He’s a cat, after all, and he’s taken more than one blow to the head.

And the drugs, of course.

Linguistics were never his strong suit, anyway.

“I been here since, what?, oh-five? oh-six? I can’t bemember.”

Mao can’t bemember because the catnip that ended his career – the explosively addictive “Meowie Wowie” – has reduced this hulking, semi-literate knuckle of a cat to a hulking, semi-brain-damaged knuckle of a cat.

Mao rocks from one hind leg to the other, thoughtfully, his eyes on the front door. His front paws dangle heavily as a smile passes over his lips.

“Do I regret the drugs? No – I mean, yeah,” he sighs, wistfully. “I miss them old days.”

Plucked from the parking lot of a convenience store on the outside of Las Vegas in 2005, the sympathetic owner of Satellite Simba gave Mao a job, a small room off the kitchen, and a tux.

Mao has never looked back.

“I can’t undo what’s happened, ya know? I can only live for – Welcome! Welcome!”

Mao has not missed a minute of work since his first day on the job and can now say “welcome” in several languages.

“Selamat Datang!” he exclaims, reading from where he has the word inked onto his palm. “That’s my favorite “welcome” word. Those Malaysians, they heavy gamblers, man. I like them. They look for me.”

Mao smiles sweetly.

“You come back, any time. I’ll bemember you ‘cause that’s what I do – I just bemember the customers. Welcome! Welcome!”

21 comments:

Sweet Cheeks said...

Mao is my kind of guy!

:)

darsden said...

uhmmm don't think Mao is the only only one in the cat nip... ;-)

Scrappy Doo said...

"Mao can’t bemember because the catnip that ended his career – the explosively addictive “Meowie Wowie” – has reduced this hulking, semi-literate knuckle of a cat to a hulking, semi-brain-damaged knuckle of a cat."

It's kinda like "E" Holloywood true stories.

Man what a heart touching story! and I think the author maybe scored some Catnip herself :-}}}}

Scrappy

darsden said...

Ma'am this is the blogger police patrol, I am going to have to write you a ticket for writing under the influence of pet pharmaceutical...yes ma'am..I have heard it all before. Please step away from the keyboard. Yes ma'am I heard you play the Sousaphone.. Ma'am don't make me write you up again..No, ma'am I don't want to hear it now...ma'am Put that cat nip down!

ladyfi said...

Love your description of the tuxedo'd Mao!

powdergirl said...

You do paint a vivid picture with your words, Pearl.
LMAO.

Suldog said...

Meowie Wowie. Huh.

Any idea where I can get some?

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

OK. Now who is he REALLY?

Great description!

Prunella Jones said...

Yes, I'd like a baggie of Meowie Wowie, please.

Pearl said...

Everybody wants a bag of Meowie Wowie, but nobody wants to be Mao.

:-)

Just say "no", kids.

Right. :-D

Pearl

Wizard Cat said...

Meh, he ain't so tough.

And if he thinks the Mowie Wowie was good stuff, I can brew up a concoction that will knock the little white sockies off his feets.

Ann's Rants said...

He must be BlickyKitty's long lost litter mate...

Mao!

lizspin said...

I never thought about my cat's secret life. . .

You know they have one. . . don't you??? My cat stays out all night and stumbles home in the morning.

Michelle said...

Welcome to you to Pearly-Q!!!

I be missing you!!!

WOO!!!

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

he sounds fascinating and lovable!

Bex said...

that was hilarious! i think i have a little crush on Mao. i hope he makes another appearance on your blog.

Jeff said...

Nicely done! Very original.

Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub said...

Oh, yeaaaaah, I remember that Meowie-Wowie. Gooooooood stuff. ;-)

Cygnus MacLlyr said...

Pass that baggie, por favor...

Jocelyn said...

I think Mao and I shared a night of shame in Reno one time.

♥ Braja said...

Mao and Miss Liza Bean...hmmm.... somethin' suspicious goin' on...