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Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Smooth Out One Face, Get Your Second Face for Free!

We get packets of coupons in the mail. You know the kind: coupons for restaurants; coupons stating that you can buy bread and the mustard is free; coupons for books for children; coupons for male escort services.

OK. Not that last one.

But I’m waiting.

So I was leafing through the coupons, seeing if there was anything I could use in there, when I came upon one that not only made me stop and actually look at it, but one that made me frown with concentration.

And that might’ve been the intention.

“Put Your Face in Hands You Can Trust!”


“Are You Thinking about Botox? Wrinkle Fillers? Peels? Permanent Cosmetics?”

Yes! Yes, I am thinking about that!

“Call for a Free Consultation! Bring in This Ad and Get $12.00 off (per Unit) of Botox!”

Twelve dollars off, you say. And just how many “Units” to the unlined visage of youth? Tell me, my little Registered Nurse and Aesthetics Specialist! How many units do you think I’ll need to stop making that “WTF” face when I’m confronted with, say, coupons for Botox applications in the “Dear Occupant” mail?

There’s also a BOGO (buy one, get one) on “wrinkle fillers”.

Well, shoot! Why buy one when you can buy one and get one free? I'd be a fool not to take advantage of this!

Hell, I'm thinking of doing extra frowning today...

Call now! Your initial consultation is free!


In other important news, scratch-and-dent bloggers of the world, unite! Click on Underdog here: Kate at The Big Piece of Cake is working to bring us together. Let's make our bloggy world a brighter place!


Lisa said...

very good- two wrinkles for the price of one- when i have two i will look this up !!! snort xx

Pearl said...

Lisa, maybe you and I can go in on it! I'll look around -- I'm sure I have a wrinkle here someplace!

Under the Influence said...

Let's just say $12.00 off isn't much when you consider how expensive that shit is. Not that I would know, of course....

darsden said...

Yeah, sign me up for a couple too. I tend to make that WTF face all the time too
I like all you can get buffets buy one ... get one at the same price...I feel I have an advantage there ;-)
I am going to ask my sister how many units it takes...she's nurse!

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

Too funny. WTF Face!! And really BOGO wrinkle filler, how could a woman resist?

Joanie M said...

Botox scares the shit out of me! Go ahead! Inject me with botulism!

Anonymous said...

Oh Pearly Q!

We do these at my clinic...

Let's just say getting $12 off of a Botox treatment is like getting 4 extra fries in your box from Mcdonalds...

I don't know what it is there...but here it's about $200 per area of the face injected.

Instead...you could mix up a nice batch of decopage...spread it all over your wrinkle areas and voila! You have the same result...Smooth, non moving skin with a shiney glow!


Jeff said...

Someone should have sent those to Joan Rivers. I heard she has spent 150k on plastic surgery. Now maybe that's not a lot; I don't know much about this stuff. I'm the type of guy who would get the coupons mixed up and put the mustard on my face.

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

I'm learning new terminology everyday, thanks to blogging!! BOGO, eh?! Added!

Just went to that underdog site. Good idea to increase your nominations and get the recognition you deserve!

Sticky (not too) said...

needles scare me,
botulism? Seriously? In my face...? uh - no thanks.

Wait - there's a coupon?

Let me think about it...

Eskimo Bob said...

Coupons - Pearl. . . I thought you learned your lesson regarding coupons.

"But EB - I didn't make these ones."

Stern look.

"Here - you need this coupon more than I do."

"WTF?? Thanks Pearl."

Ian Lidster said...

Just go and frown your pretty forehead off if you choose. I think this is an excellent marketing idea.

Otherwise, I shall have to give 'underdogs' closer scrutiny.

The Jules said...

Remember, it takes more effort to frown than to smile.

But it's worth the effort.

powdergirl said...

Scared of a little botulism? You should meet a few of my friends and family!
There have been tummy tucks, boob-jobs-full and some half face-lifts, lipo-suction, upper-thigh lifts,nose jobs, upper-arm lifts, eye lifts............
But don't worry, not for me. I'm a natural beauty.
And if you believe that very last bit, there is a small matter of some swamp land I'm currently marketing for sale to the first sucker, um, potential client I meet.
Thanks again for the laugh.

The Retired One said...

Oh yeah. I fell for that. I was born with our family curse...a VERY deep crease between my eyebrows. I'd like to think it was from being damn smart and pensive (thus squinching my eyebrows together in deep philosophical thought). Anyway, a friend of mine told me to go and get it botoxed and it would completely disappear. I was too chicken. Then a coupon came my way. I think: why not?
I go there and you are right...it takes SEVERAL units of botox AND then FILLER as well. The crease was gone (and so was over $500). It lasted about a year, though...and it was worth it. Your face does NOT get frozen as people think.
But now that I feel I cannot afford another treatment, I will just look...let's say...extremely thoughtful (again). ha

The Retirement Chronicles

Kevin Musgrove said...

I used to live in an area where we really did get coupons for male escort services shoved through the letterbox.

Even I had noticed that I was prettier than the indigenous population, and I could easily have passed for a badly-shaved sack of potatoes, so I'm sure that the take-up rate can't have been all that good.

Kate Coveny Hood said...

Thanks for the underdogs mention!

And I can't even think about my wrinkles...I'm convinced that more sprout as I'm inspecting my face.

lizspin said...

I'm a scratch and denter for sure


Anonymous said...

I would like your vouchers if you do not need them. I could like use them, as I am old... and as wrinkled as a camels scrotum...

Red Squirrel said...

BOGO? Where's the incentive?

I can buy one and get one anywhere.

Now, BOGOF I'll take, but surely BOGO is just normal shopping?

Lilly said...

Oh dear love how they make it sounds like a baragain. I am laughing hard at Sweet Cheeks comment, too funny!!! NO TO BOTOX, how anyone could inject poison in thmselves is a mystery to me.....then again I guess we do it every day with many of the foods we eat. Save me the coupon Pearl it might be worth the airfare. I will keep frowning in the meantime.

fingers said...

Watch out for these gimmicks, Pearl.
I got my girlfriend a discount face-lift last year and she came back looking exactly the same.
The surgeon said they lifted her old face successfully but that there was another one just like it underneath.
I think it's a scam myself...

Pearl said...

Under the Influence, that’s what I’m hearing. You know, I can’t say that I love my wrinkles, but the smooth unlined look on women who should have wrinkles is creepy.

Darsden, that was very funny!

Blogging Mama Andrea, I’ve just recently become aware of “parties” where women get together and have botox injections. What fun, huh?! You show up with a WTF face and leave unable to frown!

Joanie, exactly! Who in the world thought of the Botox injection first?! Of course, that person is now a millionaire…

Sweet Cheeks, oooh! The stories you must have!
You know there aren’t a whole lot of women in downtown Minneapolis (at least during work hours) with their faces done, so when I ran across one a couple weeks ago it was like WOW! Circus freak! NOT a good look.

Jeff, Ah, poor Joan. I feel for her in the same way I feel for Cher, Priscilla Presley, Dolly Parton… I’m worried – who’s going to play elderly women in the movies?

Roshni, thank you for your support!
And glad to have added to your vocabulary!

Sticky, funny! There’s needles – but there’s a coupon!

Eskimo Bob, nice scenario! I’ve seen a couple pictures. I’m assuming you’re going to age well, actually. You AND Amber. It’s those cheek bones, dammit.

Ian, flattery is one of my favorite things. :-D Wait – that WAS flattery, right?!

The Jules, I’ve pretty much perfected my scowl. That counts, right?

Powdergirl, none of that in my family. Yet. But I’ve a couple of friends who’ve had their “tummies” tucked. I’m torn between envying their flat stomachs and wanting to scream because they’ve raised the bar on what women look like…

Retired One, I’ve got a bit of the “thoughtful” going on myself.
I like to think it makes me look scholarly. :-D

Kevin, I’ve always wondered about male escorts, my closest experience having been hanging out with some male strippers, post bar-close. What a pathetic experience! I don’t know why, but I was actually surprised to find that they weren’t very bright. I should’ve known that, shouldn’t I have?

Kate, you’re welcome!
And wrinkles? I insist on being seen only by candlelight. :-D
Lizspin, I suspect we’re all a bit on the scratch-and-dent side!

Mutleythedog, and until we find ourselves cutting coupons for products guaranteed to give you the wrinkled scrotum look, you, my friend, will continue to stand out in a crowd.
p.s. Lovely visual, btw. I laughed out loud.

Red Squirrel, ah dammit anyway! It’s usually ME saying things like “What do you mean, “sale”? Of course it’s on sale!” Honestly, the “BOGO” is Marketing’s latest attempt to mess with the language.
Bo-Go? Bo-Goff!

Lilly, I trust you won’t mess with your face – you are far too attractive, my Australian friend.
The next coupon I get I will save. You never know when I will find myself in another hemisphere…

Pearl said...

fingers, kind of like losing a fingernail, huh?!

♥ Braja said...

Oh i have so many tricks for face improvement...er...wait....

Yeah...I don't think anyone's gonna listen...

You have to wait for the photos. Then I'll be Facelift Queen. Changin' the name of my blog to FaceliftQueen.blogspot.com

CSY said...

I'm sorry, I wouldn't put a poison in my face that killed MILLIONS of people! I just found a couple of grey hairs the wrinkles can freaking wait!

SSQuo said...

12 bucks!!! Wow that's super generous.

SweetPeaSurry said...

I don't mind slathering on cream night and day ... I'd rather skip the 'face defying botulism shots'. TYVM!!!