I've contributed to perhaps the best humor compilation I've ever read. Available now on Amazon!

My second chapbook, "The Second Book of Pearl: The Cats" is now available as either a paper chapbook or as a downloadable item. See below for the Pay Pal link or click on its cover just to the right of the newest blog post to download to your Kindle, iPad, or Nook. Just $3.99 for inspired tales of gin, gambling addiction and inter-feline betrayal.

My first chapbook, I Was Raised to be A Lert is in its third printing and is available both via the PayPal link below and on smashwords! Order one? Download one? It's all for you, baby!

Monday, April 20, 2009

The Plot Thickens in The Coupon Fraud Ring

It was Stephanie’s birthday a couple months ago. A good 15 people celebrated that day with dinner, drinks, and bowling at Elsie’s.

In an homage to frugality, Big Willie and I had fashioned two coupons out of a bit of colored paper we had in the house, putting his calligraphy skills to good use. The coupons were stuffed into a birthday card.

“Good for one free evening of badminton!”

As a quick aside, Willie and Stephanie are both part of the badminton cabal that meet at the community center in our neighborhood. Every Monday night from 6:30 to 9:00, a dozen or so people gather as much for the physical exercise as they do to use the word “shuttlecock” in as many contexts as possible.

Good exercise and potentially filthy jokes for only three dollars U.S.

Exceptional value!

Since that night at Elsie’s, Willie has carried an extra $3.00 with him to badminton, waiting for Stephanie to “redeem” her coupons.

Clever, huh?

Last weekend on Kurt and Kathy’s deck, we saw her again.

“Steph,” Willie called out. “We’ve missed you at badminton lately.”

“I’ve been there a couple times since Elsie’s. Where’ve you been?”

“Oh, I might’ve missed a couple, I guess.”

“Hey – where’s did you get those coupons, anyway?”

Willie smiled. “What do you mean?”

“Well…” Stephanie took a drink from her beer. “I presented the coupon at the front desk and I thought they were going to call the cops!”

Willie and I exchanged horrified/amused looks.

“I gave – who is at the front desk? Darnell? – the coupon, and he looked at me like I had three heads!”

Willie and I burst into laugher.

“Oh, no!” I said, “No, Steph –“

“And then he called the manager to the front desk!”

“Oh, no!”

“They kept asking me: Where’d you get these coupons? And I kept telling them: They’re my birthday present! They’re a birthday present from Willie and Pearl!”

“Oh, no!”

“Oh, we had quite a discussion about it!”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “Did they honor the coupon?”

“No! I had to pay!”

As it turns out, poor Stephanie actually managed to attend two separate badminton nights that Willie had missed – possibly the only two he’s missed in well over a year – and on each occasion, she presented the home-made coupons.

Not surprisingly, the coupons attracted some suspicion. Management was brought in, a number of hands held the coupons to the light, discussions were had related to a possible counterfeit-badminton-coupon ring, unseen forces cheating the community center of three dollars at a time...

It was all sorted out in the end, of course, as Stephanie came to understand that those were home-made coupons, much in the tradition of “Good for One Foot-Rub” or some such old-fashioned sentiment.

And us? What have we learned?

Willie’s calligraphy is better than we had initially thought.

And don’t try to pass any funny coupons at the community center.


Anonymous said...

Good God Peggles!

I almost spent that $20 bill you just mailed me.

I did wonder about your picture on it instead of the President though...

Poor Steph!


Blogging Mama Andrea said...

Community Center Badminton Coupon Fraud Ring

There's so much I could say about that I don't know that I can actually get it out. I can see the news now, Pearl and Willie of Badminton fame arrested for trying to pass of counterfeit coupons at the local community center, details at ten. lol

darsden said...

That'a hilarious! Hey, I need some of those coupons here...free plane fares...LOL Also, sounds like a lot of fun, playing up there!

Scrappy Doo said...

hehehehe I think I will be my word for the day

Under the Influence said...

Dang, it's a good thing they didn't hunt you down and have you and Willie arrested! Maybe we'll see you on America's Most Wanted soon.

Anonymous said...

What a funny story - I love it!

So, when is she going to redeem those coupons - from you guys?

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

Now, THAT's funny!!

Can you get internet in jail?

underOvr (aka The U) said...


A investigation into a Counterfeit Badminton Coupon Enterprise. I can see Stone Phillips doing an investigative report on it now. Next Andy Rooney picks it up on 60 Minutes.

You're gonna blow up big time with this one Pearl!


The Jules said...

Always bad when you find an out of date coupon that suddenly need.

I remember when I tried to get my fern ticket stamped in the Forest of Dean, but someone else had used it.

Sigh . . .

Jocelyn said...

Could Willie make me some hundred dollar bills?

DevilsHeaven said...


Michelle said...

Pearly-Q you bad girl!!!

possible counterfeit-badminton-coupon ring - I read about this online - I saw your photo you were in handcuffs being led away. You were smiling!

Willie was behind you clapping!!!


Kate Coveny Hood said...

That is SO funny! I love "counterfeit coupon ring". And badminton no less!

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

OMG!! She must have sweated that one out!!
Can Willie fashion some free coupons to pick anything you want worth $200 at Macy's from me? I think I know a checkout gal there who's not too bright!

Eskimo Bob said...

Pearl -

That sounds like a total EB moment. Remind me to tell you about the times I had the police called on me while I was a Missionary in Minnesota.

Kavi said...

I mean...home made coupons !!

Pearl !! This is heights ! Home food i have heard. Home made clothes i have heard. Even home made people...but coupons..first time.

But i am learning. I am learning fast !


Military Momz said...

How funny! Great post!

CSY said...

Oh, WOW!!! Knowing me, I SO would've been right there with her saying that since she had the coupons the company HAD to honor them...but this is FUNNY!

Joanie M said...

That's very funny!!!

Not The Rockefellers said...

What kind of New York Post-esque headline would that've inspired?

Bad Minting!
Shuttle Cocked ( lame and too obvious)
What A Racket!

It's all I got today, Pearl, I'm at 67% today.

Peace -Rene

Pretty Things said...

That is roll-on-the-floor hysterical!

Ankit said...

Well a post and 21 comments later....

Nothing tastes like home made....

A normal usual coupon won't have done all this....


The Retired One said...

Thank Goodness it wasn't for a prostitute with her playmate blowup plastic doll...who knows what they would have substituted???

The Retirement Chronicles

Jeanne said...

Next you'll have to try your hand at counterfeit plastic.

JBA said...

OK Pearl, this is where it starts. First badminton, then you move on to toilet paper or some such thing, then a gallon of gas, then a car and before you know it you're jacking ships off of Somolia. What are we going to do with you?

Pearl said...

Sweet Cheeks, shhhhhhhhhh! :-D

Blogging Mama Andrea, I know! The corruption of our inner cities!!

Darsden, badminton is fun. I don’t go often because I try to be at yoga M-Th but Big Will loves it.

Scrappy, there’s just so much you can do with “shuttlecock”…

Under the Influence, I’ve been waiting to recognize someone on “Cops” for YEARS but never thought it would be me!

Ladyfi, it’s my understanding that she was there last night. Hope she redeemed that coupon while we still have an extra $3!

Mary, you know, I don’t know if you can get the internet in jail! I’m willing to bet you can, for some reason…

U, I’ve been flaunting it for years now. It’s time someone put a stop to me!

The Jules, you are truly an interesting individual, aren’t you? :-D Had to look that one up!

Jocelyn, not only will he but afterwards we’ll go out for margaritas with them…

DevilsHeaven, glad you enjoyed it!

Michelle, You know why I was smiling? ‘Cause Willie had just drawn me up a Get Out of Jail Free card!

Kate, yep, we’re on the forefront of the New Criminals. First it’s fake coupons. Next? Trafficking in bus passes!

Roshni, Macy’s would be nice, wouldn’t it? I’ve been pining for some of their jewelry (I love the concept of me owning gems…)
I think coupons for drinks is called for, also…

Eskimo Bob, did you look threatening?! Ha! I’ll remind you – sounds like a story that must be told…

Kavi, oh, I know that somewhere in India is a counterfeit coupon ring!
Do you know I dreamt of India last night, by the way? It was loud. That’s what I remember. It was very loud and there were smells I had not smelled… I think it was from reading gappa’s blog entry from the other day, the mango pickles…

Military Momz, thank you! Come by any time.

CSY, I know! I believe Steph has forgiven us, but knowing her I’m sure she made a bit of a fuss!

Joanie, thank you!

Rene, ah, we’ve done the “Bad Minting” and of course there’s been references to one getting their cock shuttled (and just how many cocks one can GET on the shuttle) but oddly enough has yet to be a reference to what a “racket” it is. How can that be?

Pretty Things, I wish you could’ve seen me and Will’s face when Stephanie started telling us the difficulties she was having with redeeming the coupons! She had no idea they were home-made until we told her that night!

Ankit, I never in a million years would’ve thought she’d try to redeem them at the community center!

Retired One, coupons for prostitutes are a whole different racket. No pun intended.

Jeanne, ah! Counterfeit cash cards. Wouldn’t a never-ending supply of money be nice? Like that old story of the purse that never runs out of silver…

JBA, I think pirating is a younger woman’s game. :-D