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Wednesday, March 18, 2009

What’s Going On With My Housework?

Oh, my. Have you seen my house lately? No, you have not. And it’s not a matter of you living out of state – which certainly precludes the casual drop-in – but a matter of my floors.

It’s Spring. It’s well and truly Spring, and I need a full day of cleaning. With the windows open. While wearing a SARS-style mask, gargling with bleach and waving a copy of the King James Bible over my head…

It’s been a good seven months since my windows were open. There could be anything in the corners. I need to be prepared for any eventuality.

Don’t get me wrong. The house isn’t a complete embarrassment, but the floors are wrong. And I suspect the heating ducts of housing any number of things that are waiting for a chance to settle into my lungs, get their hands on my cash card and take the car for a spin.

You know what I’d like to do? I’d like to move all the furniture out, have the hardwood floors re-done (it’s been almost 12 years), and have the carpets cleaned.

What I’ll probably do? Open all the windows and spend a day moving things from the edges and crawling around on my hands and knees dragging a bucket and a rag.

And to think that I couldn’t wait to grow up.

33 comments:

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

Sounds like a blast!!

I need to do that exact same thing here. But I'm sure my house is in much worse shape than yours...definitely. It is an embarrassment.

The Retired One said...

Well, at least you don't have "WASH ME!" written in the dust by God-knows-what-little-animals-wrote-that....I suspect it is the flies that miraculously show up when it is still snowing outside......I killed a fly yesterday and he smiled before I swatted him. I swear he did!
Thank God for those wet Swifter dealies! We have all wood floors so I will be doing that same thing over the next few days!

underOvr (aka The U) said...

You're a better person than I Pearl.

I like carpets but they don't like me. So I have none in my home.

I do like wood flooring and I discovered it likes me too.

U

Frank said...

Just pretend that they added a new category in the Olympics for the rag, bucket relay, and you are in training. Makes the adult thing almost seem bearable.

Eskimo Bob said...

Whistle while you work. I'm wishing - that in every job there must be done there is an element of fun.

Have you ever seen a house fly?

Look for the bear necessities, forget about the worry and your strife. It's a whole new world - up on the shore they work all day, in the sun they slave away. Here in Patsamamassy, no. Pottamaquotty, Lassamemissy,uh -uh

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

You're doing far more than me. I've heard it's spring cleaning, my sister even made some obnoxious sign for her blog. I'm all for the spring but the cleaning? That's got to be a mistake right?

manker said...

yup... the constant never ending logistics of hardwood floors... horsework beats housework :)

gp

swenglishexpat said...

Why don't you just close the curtains and ignore it? No, it won't go away? Well then, hire somebody! No? too expensive. OK, take a day off then if you must! ;-)

Douglas said...

You don't sound happy. I thought women loved cleaning? Maybe not. That would explain why Faye scowls so much from time to time when she looks at my computer desk.

Aria said...

Sounds like a good time will be had by... none. Hey, perk up, at least you can send the things in the air-ducts out for refreshments ;-)
I have awards waiting for you over at my place...
Great day to you, Pearl!

A Woman Of No Importance said...

Ah, Pearl, a woman after mine own heart - I hate cleaning with a vengeance, but eventually the peasants revolt and I have to wade in on all fours, grimacing and groaning...

What happened to feminism, and weren't all those gadgets supposed to give us more free time, not less?!

ICKY said...

HEY !
I know a great floor guy !

Michelle said...

So Pearly-Q think of cleaning this way, it is a great workout. Depending on what your doing of course!!

Vacuuming is totally upper body all the way. Think of your bulging biceps and 6 pack.

If you want to go lower body then perhaps while standing, have your feet drag the broom across the floor. It takes some getting used to but now you have worked your entire body!!!

Why do I always equate everything with exercise????

lizspin said...

Oh Pearl! Just keep the lights low, and no one will know the difference. . .

Kavi said...

You dont mention rats, cockroaches and mosquitoes.

I guess you are just fine ! And as somebody said...just keep the lights low !!

;)

Sassy Sundry said...

Don't remind me. I need to clean too.

Pearl said...

Mary, well the funny thing is I clean houses on the side. OK, maybe that’s not so funny…

Retired One, yep, I asked for it, didn’t I?! Had to have wooden floors, didn’t I?

U, the wood floors are very nice way of keeping the dust mites down, that’s true, not to mention that they look great and there are so many lovely carpets to choose from…

Frank, nice idea! Hmmm. I’m gonna need to make an award for myself. You know, for when I win…

Eskimo Bob, I’m going to ask you to step away from the DVD player now.

Blogging Mama, the older I get, the more I think about the old-style farm wives, opening all the windows, getting those big ol’ rugs out on the line and beating them with a stick.
(Beating the rugs, not the farm wives…)

Manker, There should be spring-cleaning seminars, I swear.

Swenglish, I’m just going to have to bite the bullet and do it, aren’t I?

Douglas, But women DO love to clean, don’t they?! And cook? Oh, shoot, you know, I don’t mind doing either, really, but the movement from Fall-Winter to Spring-Summer involves so much packing-up and putting-away in a smaller-sized house lacking storage..

Aria, I’m wondering about that, what’s in those vents… Could they be dangerous? And will they go out for take-out when I get tired and crabby?
And THANK YOU for the award! I’ve stopped by and picked it up – and I’ll be including my five picks in my post on Friday…

Woman of No Importance, you and I need to chat. I’m in full agreement on the I-thought-those-gadgets-were-supposed-to-help front. But yes, I’m looking at this weekend. Am having a Puppy Shower (you read that right!) next Saturday and will have a houseful – between the cats, the dust, my own hair and who-knows-what-else in this tiny place, I gots a lot o’ cleanin’ to do!

Icky! HEY! Give me a number and we’ll talk!

Michelle, I’m not sure WHY you equate everything with exercise, but on this you and I agree! Aww, you know I complain, but once I get started there will be no stopping me. The best part, of course, will be the winter/summer clothing swap-out! It’ll be like having all new clothes!
Oh, and p.s.? When I’m in NYC – not sure when that will be! – but yes, you and I will go out for any kind of food you want!

lizspin, so you’re saying candlelight?! I can do that…

Kavi, it’s true that there are no rats, cockroaches or mosquitoes, so I guess I’m not doing as badly as I could, huh?!

Sassy, I think what we need is a like some sort of cleaning co-op…

Kate Coveny Hood said...

I have never been able to master floor mopping. I generally get down on all fours and scrub Cinderella style. Which probably has a lot to do with the fact that I don't clean very often.

Not The Rockefellers said...

What an excellent day for exorcism (aka cleaning the hell out of your house)! :)

The power of Mr. Clean compels you!

Peace - Rene

Pearl said...

Kate, I do it the same way. I've taken to wearing the inline-skating knee pads while doing it. Makes me feel studly.

Rene, you silly silly girl. :-) Now why didn't I think of that?!

Cat said...

THE DUST! IT IS INESCAPABLE!

citizen of the world said...

I've been looking at my hardwoood floors since I moved in and thinking I really need to at least polish them or soemthing. But it will have to wait - I'll do the spot-cleaning thing, too!

HumorSmith said...

Wow. This is that time of year when I'm very glad I don't own a house. Or a broom. Or a vacuum cleaner.

Silly readers? Whatever do you mean, Pearl?

BTW, miss you at HBDC.

ICKY said...

Its 1-800-that-guy

You'll recognize me when you see me. I'll be the one standing by the freeway off ramp holding a "Will sand floors for food."

Sweet Cheeks said...

Pearly Q!

Stay out of the ducts...Liza Bean's networking cables run through there...Remember how cranky she was last spring? She couldn't get on the web for two weeks....

:)

Debbie said...

Here's an idea. Spritz a little febreeze, light a candle, pour a glass of wine, and call it spring cleaning. Works for me:)

Jocelyn said...

Oh, I do love our shared geography. The last week has seen me cracking a couple of windows THREE TIMES NOW, just so I can feel that all the germs of illness and cabin fever are flying out.

I even vacuumed. But no buckets.

Never the buckets.

The Things We Carried said...

I am right there with you!


BTW Thanks for your very kind comments to my blog!

Jeanne said...

Brilliant woman that I am, I bought a carpet steamer, so even the carpet I have to clean myself. And the floors could use a good paste waxing, thanks to Emmy and Abby tracking in snow all winter.

BUT...Spring starts tomorrow. Oh, frabjous day! Callou, callai!

CSY said...

HEHEHE!!! Your post inspired me! I'm getting ALL of my Spawn up at the BUTT-CRACK of dawn Saturday to do my Spring Cleaning. The Step-Spawn had better not give me grief or they'll be doing it ALL by themselves! Have I told you lately how much I LOVE being the Wicked Step Monster? Its AWESOME!!!

Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub said...

LOL! I HATE cleaning the baseboards.... but I do the same thing every spring. Moving slowly around the perimeter of the house. I don't mind it too much if I have some stockpiled This American Life's to listen to, though. :)

Pearl said...

Cat, insidious dust. I think there’s a blog right there…

Citizen of the World, the spot-cleaning is where we’re at this weekend.

HumorSmith, I can see not owning a house, but if you don’t own a broom or a vacuum and your place is still reasonable, I wanna know where you live!
Silly readers? Who – me, you, and them? It’s my favorite thing about blogging: the immediate and intelligent feedback. Oh – and the silliness. There’s a lot of silliness out here!

Icky, I’ll be taking you up on it.

Sweet Cheeks, oh, my, I believe you’re right. I never thought about the duct work and the cables!
That little bugger…

Debbie, my son is a big fan of Febreeze. I might have to check that out.

Jocelyn, yep, same here! After a good seven months of not getting a little fresh air in here, I’m absolutely itching to really clean this place out. It’s almost unbelievable, but I’m so sick (even today, two days after St. Paddy’s Day!) that I can’t even vacuum!

The Things We Carried, you’re welcome!

Jeanne, ooh, that is smart. My sister has one too. Why did I never think of that? And “callou callai”, I absolutely LOVE that.

CSY, reveling in your idea, baby! Get the kids up, open the windows and drag the stuff away from the corners. I can hear the vacuums firing up all over the country…

Amy, I LOVE This American Life. I tend to clean to funkadelic (George Clinton, Ohio Players, maybe some EW and F), anything that makes me dance!

R. Jacob said...

You do know how to finish a story. like it