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Friday, March 13, 2009

We'll Hide in the Mountains

Welcome to Friday, ladies and gentlemen!

What does the ever-shufflin’ iPod have to say about the weekend?

Remember now: You can follow the link, but sometimes it’s not the first one on the list, so be sure to match the song and the artist!

Pushin’ Too Hard by The Seeds
Rock Lobster by The B52s
Spanish Bombs by The Clash
Phenomena by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Wooden Ships by Crosby, Stills & Nash
The Rubberband Man by The Spinners
Joker & The Thief by Wolfmother
Teddy Picker by Arctic Monkeys

I have nothing to say about this except that The Spinners make me happy in a way that only smiling men in tuxes do.

And by the way, wouldn’t that be a great Halloween costume, you and your friends in tuxes and doing those cool dance moves? Forget the Pips, man!

Awww, who am I kidding? I still love you, Gladys. And your little Pips, too!

So tonight is my reading at Banfill-Locke, 30 minutes of unbridled Pearl-ness: probable humor, plenty of room for error. I am nauseous with anticipation.

The following is the bio that was sent out introducing me:
Pearl is the unpublished writer of the daily blog Pearl, Why You Little... (http://pearl-whyyoulittle.blogspot.com) and has written speeches, short stories, and essays for the past eight years or so, some true, some outright lies, and all without compensation. She is willing to write for food.

Kinda makes ya want to buy me a sandwich, doesn’t it?

Anyway, we have time for one, right? Just one?

My brother and I are just a little over a year apart. Until we were about 10 or so, we were basically the same height, the same weight -- there was even a brief time in there where I could beat him arm-wrestling.

He will deny it.

Don’t listen to him.

And while my brother has the ability to make me swear in imaginary languages until I'm red in the face, he also has a way of making me laugh until I go weak and fall off whatever I am sitting on, whereupon I am forced to regain my strength and assume a defensive posture, as next will come him sitting on me and offering to tickle me until I pee my pants.

We don't do that (much) anymore, by the way.

At one time our favorite argument involved what to do if we were required to go into hiding. Looking back, it may have had to do with the continual moving we did as children -- did we see ourselves as refugees? Dad said we moved a lot because it was harder to hit a moving target, but that was just clever talk for "there must be something better over there"; and we moved on a yearly -- and sometime half-yearly -- basis.

Kevin swore that we could always hide in the mountains. Never mind that we were born and raised in Minnesota. He was sure there was mountains around here someplace.

"What if there aren't any mountains?" I would say.

"Every country has mountains," he would say, dismissively. "You have to have mountains if you're a country."

I wasn't so sure about this, but hey! at eight years of age, it did make a kind of sense. As the years went by and our knowledge of the world grew, however, we developed grave concerns over where we would hide should we find ourselves inexplicably in, say, Belgium.

Kevin was sure that, somewhere in Belgium, there was a hidden mountain range.

To this day, we have this argument, although he now asserts that there was never such a discussion, that he was just pulling my leg.

I know better.

And if I ever go missing, you'll know where I am. I'm in the mountains. In Belgium.


the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

No mountains in Belgium, but near the Ardennes, I hear it's awfully hilly.

Also, I'd totally buy you a cookie. If the cafe is anything like my wife's store, you might wanna avoid those sammiches.

darsden said...

Congrats Pearl, Remember I will be quitely in the back...wear shades, my teeth will be beaming! You will be just fine my dear!

You and Your brother sound like me and mine. Good Times ;-) but boy when they weren't "It was On"

Enjoy Pearl!

IB said...

I just saw the B-52s in concert. They still rock and sound amazing, if you ever get the chance....

Good luck tonight Pearl! What time do you go on? I'll want to raise a glass at the precise moment.


The Retired One said...

I have an older brother too. And: we moved. A. Lot. (Dad was in the Air Force).
My worst brother moment?
He held me down and colored my nose with non-erasable ORANGE magic marker. I had to scrub and scrub with LAVA soap (For-the-love-of-God it hurt!) to try and get it off. When I ran to my mom to tell her, she just laughed.
No wonder I still need therapy.......

mbuna53 said...

Mountains of Belgium? Wheren't they a techno band from the 80's? I think they were from Australia.

Pearl said...

iNDefatigable, I’ll TAKE that cookie and buy you a coffee. :-)

Darsden, thank you! I’ll be lookin’ for ya! :-)

IB, those girls can still really sing, can’t they?! A fun, goofy band. Love it.
I go on at 7:30 Central Time. A drink would be lovely. I will be thinking of all my new blogospheric friends, too. You guys probably have no idea how much you are responsible for my daily writing. It's a pleasure.

Retired One, OH!!! My brother dragged me through cat poop once. The worst part? The fact that I laughed the whole time. Disgusting!

Mbuna, for that, my yoga-bendy-weird-music-listening friend, you better bring a couple bucks to the show to buy my stories. I’m planning my trip to India in January on YOUR back!
…and don’t go getting all excited there…

Frank said...

Pearl, I’m quite well known for my iPod interpretation skills. Here's yours.

You start out the weekend on Friday by having sex and a great dinner. Then on Saturday, you have a clash with a hopped up Spanish speaking person and wind up yelling hey, Hey, HEY, as he tries to run you down in his, big as a boat, metallic purple olds 88. On Sunday, you get some exercise with a Thigh Master to try to forget your troubles, but some joker keeps hitting on you. You finish the day by picking something off of a monkeys butt. (That last part is not real clear.)

Watch out for Sunday. Those Thigh Masters can leave a welt. Let me know on Monday how I did!!!

A Woman Of No Importance said...

Enjoy your speechification, Pearlette - Good luck! It's a pity you never had a tape recorder to capture your brother's words - I believe you!

Pearl said...

Frank, see, this is the kind of person I need in my life, someone to interpret the iPod and steer me in the right direction.
I'll let you know what happens.

Woman of No Importance, speechification. :-) I like that.

Holte Ender said...

Pearl - the highest point in Belgium is Signal de Botrange and at 2277ft is not quite a mountain by US standards but I bet there are a few hiding places.

The Jules said...

Once, on the way home from Cubs, my little brother once kicked a dog poo and a bit landed on my nose.


Just about any other part of my body would've been better, but why a sensory organ? An olfactory one at that.

I'm over it now though.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Also...don't ever disrespect the Pips again. The Spinners are awesome, and that song does all sorts of happy things in to my soul, but let's go easy on the Pips.

Now, if you wanted to further this discussion over a cookie and some coffee...I'm all ears.

Oh, and by the way, if I didn't live all the way down here, I would so drive out for your reading tonight. I'm jealous and happy for you all at once.

Eskimo Bob said...

You should go up to the microphone tonight - dressed to the nines - then put your mouth right up to the mic and yell in: I'm no Librarian Reader!!! NORDEAST RULES!!! Get ready for some crime.

Then you shouldn't feel nervous anymore.

Sarah's Blogtastic Adventures said...

I am so on a B52s kick right now!!

Happy Friday!

Debbie said...

I wish you the best of luck! Cant wait to hear more.

underOvr (aka The U) said...

Hi Pearl,

Wish you all the best tonight; "knock em dead" (with humor of course).

BTW...Rubberband Man is a great song to dance to (Tux and all).


Anonymous said...

Yay Pearl!

We're with you in spirit my dear.

And brothers....mine were just rotten. Brother Jess hit me in the nose with a football once...just like Marsha Brady...I cried. He told me to 'Walk it off'..that ass!
Good thing I love him...or I'd kill him.

Break a leg honey!

Michelle said...


Your going to rock that place apart!!! Then put it all back together only to rock it apart again and again!!

I would love to take you to a raw dinner or just a dinner!!!!

When and where???? I am so there!!!

Lisa said...

i never leave pearls place without a smile x

Anonymous said...

I love the Spinners too. I knew there was a reason I followed you. Oh, and you're funny too. :)

As for mountains...I've been to the Bahamas. No mountains there from what I remember. So I don't think your brother's theory holds up. Just saying.

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

Congratulations on the gig! That always feels good to get some recognition for the blood, sweat and tears right?

Love the story. And yes no mts really in Belgium, try N Germany (plus they have better chocolate anyway.)

R. Jacob said...

A mountain range known for its sandwiches!