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Monday, March 16, 2009

Well, Heck! I Can Work With That!

I don’t know if you know this about me, but lately, I’ve been aging.

It was subtle, in the beginning.

My dentist, for example. I stare up at him, his fingers and a number of sharp and Gothic-looking instruments in my mouth. What is he, 12? Sixteen? Did this guy drive to the office?

Weren’t dentists supposed to be old? Haven't dentists always been old?

And then came the day that I realized that my son is now older than I was when I gave birth to him.

Where did the time go?

But what can you do? Hey, you can moisturize all you like, but getting older is not just about wrinkling...

So I sat down the other day, in the spirit of openness and acceptance (and perhaps just a touch of fatalism), and started a list of things that aren’t so bad about aging.

(Clears throat)

And now, a small list of things that aren’t so bad about aging.

* A wee bit of memory loss. Would you believe that I spent the first three months of this year believing that I was a full year older than I actually am. I shit you not. This came to light only after I had a doctor’s appointment the other day and she compared this year to my birth year and how old I had told her I was… Awkward…

On a related note, I’ve decided, going forward, that I will claim to be at least ten years older than I really am. That way, when I claim to be, say, 57, everyone will exclaim, “Well, honey, you could pass for ten years younger!”

* I’m getting comfortable with going to bed by 10:00. There I am, a nice hot bath, a good book – think of the money I’m saving! Hey! I’m not slowing down! I’m being economical!

* I no longer stay anywhere any longer than I want to. That’s a big one, don’t you think? Back in the day, it was possible for me to stay much longer than I really wanted to, whether it was a job, a relationship, a party. I didn’t know how to say I was leaving. It took years, but here's the secret. When you're ready to go, hold up a hand, smile big for the nice people and proclaim, “Hey! I’m leaving!”

There’s more that I’m sure I’ll spring on you some other time – I’ve got a Venn diagram of possible situations as they relate to my age on a wall in my bedroom - but this is another thing I’ve learned:

Leave ‘em wanting more.

Happy Monday, everyone!

31 comments:

Lisa said...

yes- aging means you dont do ANYTHING you dont want too- its our turn for the tantrums now !

darsden said...

Hilarious Pearl giving yourself back a whole year. I would have put you around 33 ;-)

Barbara Blundell said...

Hi Pearl,
There are many advantages that accompany aging eg free bus passes, free repacement slippers and electric blankets cheap cinema seats in fact all sorts of perks. Also people dont expect as much of you. If you are bored at a family gathering you can shut your eyes and pretend to be asleep-no body bothers-in fact it's expected.As well'old age'provides a good smoke screen for not doing anything you don't want to do. It can be something to look forward to

Joanie said...

I did learn one thing about aging and it's truly frightening. Put a hand mirror on a table and bend over and look in it. THIS is why I'm never on top any more!

Sweet Cheeks said...

I admit...by 10:00 I'm pretty tired...by 11:00 I'm cranky.

And a nap at one point in the weekend is becoming enjoyable...

And I often get up to retrieve something from the next room and when I get there I can't remember what it was I went for...

:)

Meadowlark said...

I used to do the "pretend I'm older" thing. Until I told someone my age and they replied "oh. That's what I would have guessed".

ouch

Frank said...

Pearl,

You failed to name who you picked to guest blog today. I figured out it was a guest blogger because I am quite sure you couldn’t have a son that is older than you were when you had him, unless you had a son at age 11, which would make you a world record, and I checked my Guinness book, and you’re not in there.

Jodie Kash said...

After 41 I stopped keeping track. So much so when a man friend entered my birthday into his misc. handheld computer-phone-thing-a-ma-jig (in order to send flowers or a fabulously spendy gift on SEPTEMBER 28) I realized I was a year older.

And one good thing about (natural) boobs going south is you can adjust the nipples to upright and perky. Hell, I can get them pointing in opposite directions, a def conversation starter.

underOvr (aka The U) said...

Hi Pearl,

I remember when I was a kid there was this old guy neighbor of ours who retired. I would often see him sweeping the sidewalks in front of buildings on our street. At the time I said, "No way in hell will I be doing that when I retire".

I never asked him why he did it; guess I was too busy playing and having fun. But I now understand why he did it. I wish he were still around, I got neighbors that could use his help.

U

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

You have a Venn diagram too!! I knew we were meant to know each other!!

And your idea about just saying you're 10 years older...love it. Can I use it?

Michelle said...

Pearly-Q aging also means you can do anything you want without repercussions because you can just say "hey I'm old, I'm allowed to fart in public if i want to"

SWEET!!!!

Kate Coveny Hood said...

I think my abundance of anti-aging products puts me out of the running for being considered "young" but I have of yet to master leaving. I stay far too long at everything. Of course, sometimes it's because I'm actually enjoying myself - but staying too long at the party is another issue...

Kavi said...

So you've been ageing. Lately ! Lately !!

Hmm !!

Hilarious !
:)

Eskimo Bob said...

I thought you were going to mention the real perks of getting older.

Really enjoying the Lawrence Welk Show.

Being technologically illiterate - even at the gas station.

Choosing Raisin Bran over Fruity Pebbles (Not really a perk, just a fact of life - hum).

Having a fun conversation with young hip people - then ruining it by saying: When I was your age . . .

a mouthy irish woman? ridiculous! said...

definately leave them wanting more, you in-bed before elevenor!(i made that word up)

happy monday!

The Retired One said...

Shhhhhh. Damn, now you've gone and done it....
You weren't supposed to let anyone in on the facts that it really IS fun getting older and not giving a crap about anyone's needs but your own. No more people pleasing for me! (Well, except for wanting my blog to succeed) ha.
But what to wear? They can say what they want, but (don't listen Stacey and Clinton) if its comfortable...wear it!
What to eat? (Don'st listen Doctor!) If its your heart's desire: savor every morsel!
Where to go? What to do?: The world is your oyster!!
I am loving retirement and if someone asks my age? I just say: "Why do you need to know?" It is irrevelant at this point.....
Happy Days!!!!

Not The Rockefellers said...

When Obama was elected my husband said to me "this is the first time in my life that the president is younger than I am"!

After our daily walks we both mention that we should start stretching because things are starting to get sore that didn't always used to get sore. But as my husband also says, "I'm sore but it's a good sore".

At the Dr's office there seems to be a lot more appartus involved in the care of me. Mammograms, colonoscopies, stress tests....He who's Dr. uses the most toys is old! :)

Lastly I recently had the chance to babysit the son of a "kid" a used to babysit. Eeep!

Peace - Rene

Kevin Musgrove said...

I'm wearing light-coloured trousers while I can still get away with it.

The Jules said...

You know you're getting old when you bend down to tie your shoe laces, and see if there's anything else that needs doing while you're down there.

I also spent a few months thinking I was a year older than I was, but that was thanks to a mean, mean trick by my wife.

fingers said...

I can't wait for the day when I'm so old there'll be no elders I'm forced to respect anymore...

citizen of the world said...

I have noticed how everyone around me seems to be getting younger than me. I wonder if I should start saying 50 now to get myself used to it After all, four years will go by in the blink of an eye. But I do feel like I've reached a pretty comfortable place with myself, which is nice.

Jeanne said...

My Aunt Dortha, who's 83, says you get older in fits and starts. You look at yourself every day in the mirror, and nothing seems to be changing, and then, one day, BAM! And you says yourself, "What the hell happened?"

I love that woman.

Scrappy Doo said...

I have noticed lastely that I have been saying "Damn teenagers alot"
I swore I would never be this old.
41=ancient

Pearl said...

Lisa, that’s a lovely way to look at it.

Darsden, thank you, my dear!

Barbara, free slippers and electric blankets?! I suspect that one’s a UK benefit. I loved your comments. You’ve given me all kinds of things to look forward to, and I’m serious.

Oh, Joanie, that was just plain funny!!!

Sweet Cheeks, I still can’t get used to the afternoon nap. I find it confusing! But I’ve never enjoyed staying home as much as I do now…

Meadowlark, ouch is right! OK – maybe I won’t do the ten-years-older bit.

Thank you, Frank! The check is in the mail.

Jodie, good point on the nipples. HA! I said “point”.

U, I know what you’re talking about. I now pick up the litter in the park, just because somebody needs to and it’s important that our neighborhoods be clean and attractive.

Mary! Holy Mackerel! You can use my ideas if I can use yours…

Michelle, I am SO looking forward to farting in public!

Kate, I used to be so bad at not leaving. Hours and hours I could sit there, thinking “I should go now, I should go now…” I’m so glad I don’t do that anymore!

Kavi, yes! Just… lately.

Eskimo Bob, would you believe that I was RAISED with Lawrence Welk? What? You would? Dang it… I already prefer Raisin Bran to pebbles, fruity or not, and I shouldn’t ever have to put gas in the car as long as I play my cards right with my husband. That leaves the ruining conversations by saying “you know, when I was your age…” and for cryin’ out loud, Bob, I’ve done that a number of times…

Mouthy Irish Woman, in-bed-before-elevenor! Not tonight – I took tomorrow night off to celebrate and I’ll be up until 11:30, quarter to 12!

Retired One, I’m sorry! And I love your attitude. Reminds me of when I’ll be older!

Rene, luckily we moved far too often for me to run into anyone I’ve ever babysat, so I’ve got that bit of denial to keep me going. I understand the “good sore”, though; and I agree. It’s a good thing.

Kevin, good thinking! Oooh, that reminds me. Tomorrow the Nomad (a bar) locks its doors at 3:00 and the drinks are free. Until someone goes to the bathroom… Can you imagine?
Hmmm. Now why was I thinking of that?

The Jules, oh, I wish I’d thought of that…

Fingers, and that’s good thinking, too.
Wow. Some day, I’ll be the oldest one in the room…

Citizen of the World, honestly, that’s pretty much how I feel. I’ve never been as happy, as creative, as balanced as I am now.

Jeanne, I believe your Aunt Dortha.

Scrappy Doo, I just want a teenager to explain to me the appeal of having your pants so low that you have to hold them up with one hand.

Chaka said...

I have struggled with the aging process. My body is getting older, but I still feel like I'm in High School. I'm not sure if I should hang out with younger people so I can feel young or hang out with older people so I can feel young.

SweetPeaSurry said...

I'm not minding getting older myself. The only thing is ... if I'm going to have kids, I really need to get on the ball with that. I'm pushing 40, I don't want to be 110 when my kids graduate from college. LOL

Gadjo Dilo said...

I now wear extra-tight underpants in case incontinence suddenly strikes.

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

My absolute favorite:

'Would you believe that I spent the first three months of this year believing that I was a full year older than I actually am. I shit you not.'

Oh that was too good. I do have trouble with the fact I am not in my 20's anymore. I never feel like I am in my thirties (albeit just barely). I'm still 24 and full of life and adventure.

And that's why I was in my pjs at 8:30 last night...yeah.

Douglas said...

Bunch of mostly young whippersnappers! Physically, chronologically, I am 62. Mentally, attitudinally, I am 19. That's when going to bed early meant getting lucky. I now get up when I used to go to bed.

Julia said...

Some old dude that I know won a prize in a race I ran last month. I came home and checked his age - uh, same as mine. It's so sad that he looks so old.

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

Absolutely true!! I actually WANT to sleep now... isn't that amazing?!!